Thursday, June 30, 2005

If you're real, you're worthy

Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.

In the Gospel of John, it is declared that all things were made through the Word of God, "and without Him [the logos, or word] was not anything made that was made." Everything good or worthy, God made. Whatever is valueless or baneful, He did not make, — hence its unreality.


Today I want to write about worthiness for a special new friend (you know who you are!).

What makes us worthy? Is it our human goodness, our virtues, our struggles to improve? Are we worthy if we're good most of the time, only slipping up occasionally? Are we worthy if we've done lots and lots of things wrong, but we finally repent? Frankly, is there anything we can do to earn the abundant goodness divine Love sends our way?

There's an inherent flaw in trying to prove worthiness with some kind of human scorecard. That's because our worthiness is unrelated to what we do -- it's a factor of what we are.

We are children of Love. We are Life's creation. We are ideas of Mind.

Love can't exist without something to love. Life is useless if it doesn't propagate. Mind is nothing without ideas.

We're worthy because Love, Life, Mind would be incomplete without us.

You might think, Well, there's so much wrong with me that I can't have been created by Love, Life, Mind. I was created by something else, something human or mortal.

But I'd say to you: Don't define yourself by the mortal personality you see in the mirror. Start defining yourself by your thoughts, your intentions, your motives, your consciousness. Define yourself by your spiritual side, and you'll deepen your worship of Spirit.

There is only one Creator, and the Creator has created everything that is real. The Creator is omnipotent good. It is dishonoring the Creator to claim that any part of creation is substandard. On the flip side, it is the height of devotion to acknowledge the wonder and glory of all creation -- including ourselves.

You are the result of the Creator creating. You are real, therefore you are worthy.

In my experience, once I became clear on that point, I began to see how to transform my human self to live up to it. I couldn't improve my human self while starting from a debased basis. I had to acknowledge my own role in Spirit's creation, and that I owed it to God to accept my own worthiness. For otherwise, I'd be dishonoring Him.

And there's no better way to worship Him than to give Him credit for the perfect creation of all that is real -- including me, including you.


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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Take back the power

I am not a political person, really I'm not. Mostly I stay out of political discussions, and my inner self declares that God is in control. But I did have an epiphany after the last election that is starting to come to fruition now.

I, like many of my fellow citizens, was upset after the last election. (Apologies to those who support the winning side for this posting!) I suppose you could characterize me as liberal. I'd like my government to help people, to improve the lives of all citizens. I'd like my tax dollars to go to children and infrastructure. But this stayed merely as a wish for a long time. I didn't do much about it, didn't get involved, didn't participate beyond wishful thinking and casting my one vote.

The deal was that John Kerry would get the job done for me, so I wouldn't have to. I would do my part by paying taxes, but that would be the extent of my involvement. Everyone would get what they need with minimal participation from me.

Then he lost.

The election results shocked me. I became obsessed with the fear that people weren't going to get the help they needed. After all, if the government doesn't help, who will?

I took this to prayer. What would happen now that the election was over? Was goodness truly cut off from all those people reliant on government help?

I felt so powerless. But then I thought about where power really comes from. I believe God is the only power. Love, Truth, Life is the only power there is. This power is in control already. I had been mentally touching on this truth from time to time throughout the election, but now I had to face it and ask myself: Did I really understand this? With Love in control, do I really need to fear?

And it finally occurred to me that I was relying too much on the government to do the things I valued. The government is not God. The real power of the American people comes from our innate goodness, how we each as individuals express God. The government tries to represent that, but it doesn't embody that. That's up to us.

It hit me: I still live in a free country. I can myself do something about it. I can myself volunteer.

Volunteering. Huh. Frankly, the idea was foreign to me, even as a liberal. Did I have time? Did I actually want to have contact with the people who needed me? And what could I possibly do that would help anyone?

But at least the seed of the idea was planted: I needed to do something about it. I needed to do my individual share to better my country in the ways that I valued. I needed to represent with my life the ideals I believed in.

A few months went by. The seed sprouted. And yesterday I signed up to be a volunteer for adult literacy at my local library. I'll have to take several weeks of training courses and make myself available for two hours a week after that. But I finally feel like I'm making progress on my election angst. I'm taking the power back.


The rich in spirit help the poor in one grand brotherhood, all having the same Principle, or Father; and blessed is that man who seeth his brother's need and supplieth it, seeking his own in another's good.


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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Feeling Love

I remember the first time I felt Love.

I mean, I had felt loved by individual people all my life. Here and there would be a particular person who reflected Love to me in a way that made me feel special. A Sunday School teacher, a best friend, a camp counselor. These moments always comforted me.

But there came a time where this wasn’t enough. Things weren't going so well, although it should have been the happiest time of my life. I had just had my first baby, a perfect little girl, and supposedly had a happy marriage -- but that was an illusion put on to impress friends and family. Nothing could fill the hollowness I felt inside.

When my daughter was about a week old, I still hadn't recovered fully from the delivery, but I allowed myself to believe my husband when he said I should be up and running again already. And, we were out of milk. So I made the walk down a steep hill to buy a gallon, and trudged with it back up to our condo. It was heavier than I expected.

Shortly thereafter I began to feel an intense tearing sensation in my abdomen. The pain was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I endured it for a time, then called the Christian Science practitioner who had been praying for me throughout my pregnancy. She talked with me for a few moments, and I whimpered my replies. Finally she said, "Dear, are you in pain right now?" "Yes!" I sobbed. She said, "Let's hang up, and you call me again in a half hour."

I hung up the phone, which was in my lap as I sat rocking in our big rocking chair -- the one my mother had used to rock us when we were small. I remember clutching the phone and still crying and rocking… then something changed.

Like water pouring into a glass, something else started to fill me up. It was like light breaking through clouds, like a warm bath, like fresh flowers. It was a hug that didn't stop at my skin, but permeated my whole being. I was infused with warmth and joy.

A calm settled over me, and I basked in this new feeling. Gradually my mind focused and I was able to put a word on it: Love. I was feeling Love for the first time in my life as a presence, as a being, conscious of me, present with me, delighted with me.

Need I say that the pain went away, never to return? I never found out what it was, but I believe it was healed completely. When I came back down to earth and called the practitioner, I had so much more than freedom from pain to report. I had felt Love, and it had transformed me.

Although it took some more time and events to gain a deeper sense of happiness, I think this was the start of that journey. The marriage ended, and I followed my own path. Now, as this same daughter readies for college in the fall, I can look back on that rocking-chair moment and see it as the first of a series of transforming encounters with Love. I'll write about the others eventually.

My wish for you today is that you feel that Love as well in your moments of need, and indeed every day!

Remember, thou canst be brought into no condition, be it ever so severe, where Love has not been before thee and where its tender lesson is not awaiting thee.


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Monday, June 27, 2005

Plead God's allness

In order to pray aright, we must enter into the closet and shut the door. We must close the lips and silence the material senses. In the quiet sanctuary of earnest longings, we must deny sin and plead God's allness.

On Friday in my prayer, I reached a new insight. What came to me as I contemplated was a new sense of God's allness. Somehow I was attracted to that idea, and I stayed with it for an hour or two. And I had what I can only describe as an inside-out experience.

If you've read The Last Battle by CS Lewis, the final book of The Chronicles of Narnia (soon to be a movie), you might remember the bit where the heroes enter a small shack in a dark, burning forest only to find themselves in a wide open beautiful sunlit field with mountains and clouds and trees. They look back out the door and see the dark forest they came from. One character remarks how the inside of the shack is bigger than the outside.

That's how I felt on Friday. The inside of my head -- my thought -- was bigger than everything material, the entire material universe. I felt the material universe was tiny, miniscule, negligible, and the infinite nature of God was all. I think I was connecting with divine Mind in a way I hadn't before. And I so wanted to hang on to this feeling that I started doing what Mary Baker Eddy says above -- I began to plead God's allness.

It wasn't a begging sort of pleading, but from the standpoint of, This is really real, therefore I plead for it as I would for an innocent defendant if I were his or her lawyer. The plea is for what is real, not for what I wish were real. I'm pleading God's allness in the court of thought, putting that stake in the ground and doing my bit to convince limited consciousness to yield to Truth.

This has brought me to a new sense of pleading as proactive, energized, authoritative. I suppose I had been thinking of it as wishful or plaintive, but no more. It's pleading that knows it's right and indeed the only possible outcome of divine creation. There's a strength to it and a conviction I hadn't seen before.

I’m still on the case, pleading for God's allness. Please join me!


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Friday, June 24, 2005

Inspiration everywhere

Something fun for the weekend: click around and find inspiration.

You'll notice at the top of my blog there's a Blogger banner. At the far right, there's a button labeled, "Next Blog." Just click on that, and who knows where you'll end up. Different countries, different languages, different themes -- all people who are passionate enough about something to want to get it up on the Web.

And so much of it is inspiring -- so many great people out there. Within a half hour last time I did this, I found these fun blogs:

And some other sites I've found out about lately:
What I love about all these is the diversity, the richness, the sheer expression they indicate. And this ties back in with what I was thinking about Soul yesterday.

Soul expresses. We are that expression. Each one is essential for Soul's complete expression.

So express today! and appreciate the expression you see around you. Delight in it.

Could make for the best weekend of your life.


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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Soul's self-portrait

Yesterday I contemplated Soul.

As one of the seven names for God in Christian Science, Soul is equivalent to Spirit, to Love, to Mind. To me, Soul is associated with art, music, dance -- expression. Soul is the original Artist of creation, the irrepressible creative force generating all that exists.

In an early episode of Joan of Arcadia (first season available now on DVD), a high school student is assigned to do a self-portrait in his art class. At first he produces only a conglomeration of materials with no real meaning. But his teacher challenges him to go deeper. He returns with a piece that reveals some of his private-most thoughts.

I watched this episode a few days ago, so when I began acknowledging Soul as the supreme Artist, the pieces began to come together. If Soul were going to do a self-portrait, what would it include?

Soul, of course, has no reason not to be completely honest. Soul's perfection, grace, beauty, wholeness deserve to be displayed and celebrated. Soul is unashamed in its own glory.

And, like any artist, Soul loves its own creation. Soul would be delighted with any self-portrait, because it would be a direct expression of Soul's joy and energy. It would be limitless in the light it shows, it would have infinite form and color, it would encompass all the qualities and attributes of Soul itself. For Soul is the infinite Artist, knowing no boundaries of space or medium. Soul merely has to think a creative idea, and it is so.

So what is this self-portrait? Do we recognize it? Do we acknowledge it? Do we celebrate it?

As I contemplated these things, a startling thought came to me that brought me great joy:

We are Soul's self-portrait.

Man, made in God's image and likeness, is the very self-portrait of God, Soul. This image is spiritual, since God is Spirit. This image is perfect, since God is perfect. This image is gorgeous, inspiring, joyous, strong, eternal, brilliant, holy. There is no other image, for there is only one Creator, Soul. And Soul creates nothing unlike itself.

Dwelling with this idea of being Soul's self-portrait continues to bring me inspiration. Think about it for yourself today: You are Soul's self-portrait, and Soul is the perfect Artist. What does that mean for you today?

Immortality, exempt from age or decay, has a glory of its own, — the radiance of Soul. Immortal men and women are models of spiritual sense, drawn by perfect Mind and reflecting those higher conceptions of loveliness which transcend all material sense.

Comeliness and grace are independent of matter. Being possesses its qualities before they are perceived humanly. Beauty is a thing of life, which dwells forever in the eternal Mind and reflects the charms of His goodness in expression, form, outline, and color.



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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

How evil works (and doesn't work)

A friend of mine, Sandi in Chicago, is also a Star Wars aficionado. :) And she's found some interesting parallels between the plot of the most recent episode and this passage from Mary Baker Eddy's writings (can you find the similarities?):

Animal magnetism, in its ascending steps of evil, entices its victim by unseen, silent arguments. Reversing the modes of good, in their silent allurements to health and holiness, it impels mortal mind into error of thought, and tempts into the committal of acts foreign to the natural inclinations. The victims lose their individuality, and lend themselves as willing tools to carry out the designs of their worst enemies, even those who would induce their self-destruction. Animal magnetism fosters suspicious distrust where honor is due, fear where courage should be strongest, reliance where there should be avoidance, a belief in safety where there is most danger; and these miserable lies, poured constantly into his mind, fret and confuse it, spoiling that individual's disposition, undermining his health, and sealing his doom, unless the cause of the mischief is found out and destroyed.

Other minds are made dormant by it, and the victim is in a state of semi-individuality, with a mental haziness which admits of no intellectual culture or spiritual growth. The state induced by this secret evil influence is a species of intoxication, in which the victim is led to believe and do what he would never, otherwise, think or do voluntarily.

--First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, 211:12-3


Sandi writes in a group email:

In Revenge of the Sith, it's as though George Lucas has read [the passage above], and then produced his entire screenplay based on those two paragraphs. Would you believe that the intended hero has allowed himself to be manipulated by evil until he felt he was in too deep, thought he no longer had a choice? Aggressive suggestions, one after another, distorting and perverting his sense of high purpose.

The villain speaks of hate, lust, revenge, deceit as needed in order to understand good (just as the serpent said of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil); Lucas portrays these negatives literally as troops -- who may seem to be on your side for awhile, but whose loyalty is unreliable, and who are ready to destroy good in an instant. Mary Baker Eddy aptly describes them as an army of conspirators.

So, animal magnetism. What's that all about? It's a term used in Science and Health specifically to mean evil or error, but it's more intensely focused. It's the Tempter, the Adversary, the Evil One, more or less, but it also inhabits the same space as the rest of error or mortal mind -- and that is nothingness. I've found it essential when wrestling with the effects of animal magnetism to keep straight on the course that it's nothing. There's no other way to see through it. To give it power is to admit defeat.

At the end of Star Wars Episode III, I felt something surprising -- sadness for he who became Darth Vader. Some quick arithmetic brought me to the conclusion that he's got about 18 years ahead of him before his redemption begins. And until then, what a life of emptiness he must lead. Growing up, of course, I thought of Darth Vader as in control, malevolent in his own right, power hungry, etc. But now, I see that all along he is trapped in the existence of servitude to evil. Frankly, this must be hell.

Star Wars -- okay, it's just a metaphor. I don't think Lucas was trying to be metaphysical or in any way profound. But the story touches us where we are, that's the interesting universal nature of it. And to me, it's become a morality tale of how evil germinates, how it grows, and how empty it becomes even when it seems at its most powerful.

And this recognition is a good thing.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Impacted wisdom teeth cured

Many years ago, in my early 20s, my wisdom teeth started to bother me. I had seen X-rays when I had braces as a teen, showing all four teeth as impacted below the gums, all set for coming in sideways. My orthodontist at the time said, "As soon as these start coming in, have them taken out. Otherwise they'll push your other teeth around and ruin all the orthodontia." Not fun.

So here I was, with an aching jaw and not looking forward to the necessary operation. However, I also happened to be in touch with my Christian Science teacher (a great man, passed away now) on another issue. I had called him to ask advice on how to help a friend. We talked for a bit, then I happened to mention the wisdom teeth problem. I wasn't expecting healing; I basically asked whether Christian Science could help make the operation less painful. But he said something that turned everything around and has stuck with me all these years.

He said, "There is no useless growth."

That's all he said. I thought, Huh, that's interesting, and hung up the phone. No useless growth. This made total sense to me. How could growth of any kind be a waste of time? True growth, that is -- spiritual growth. And spiritual growth is the only kind there is.

Huh, I thought. Makes sense.

And I forgot about the teeth. They stopped bothering me, and the next time I went to a dentist and got X-rays, three of my wisdom teeth were in perfectly straight, and the fourth was only slightly sideways. This last tooth developed a cavity only last year, so I had it removed. But my wisdom teeth caused me no trouble at all other than that.

I suppose this has become my benchmark for spiritual healing. Instant, clear, right to the point. This kind of healing is possible today, as it was twenty years ago, as it was 2,000 years ago when Jesus walked the earth. I encourage anyone who's interested to find out more. Science and Health is a great resource.


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Monday, June 20, 2005

Take up the cross

I'm re-reading Science and Health with my good friends at csdirectory.com, and we're in the chapter Atonement and Eucharist. This is bringing to mind many of the inspirations I've received over the years about Jesus' sacrifice, so wanted to share one today.

Mary Baker Eddy talks about the symbolism of the bread, wine, and cup: the bread is spiritual Truth, which we are to embody (eat); the wine is the inspiration of Love that fueled Jesus' sacrifice; the cup is the cross, or the earthly trials we all must face.

I've always thought of the cup as made out of paper. It's a paper cup. We get handed this earthly trial to learn from (get the inspiration from), and we're to drain it to the dregs (to get every bit of inspiration we can from it). But the earthly trial itself is not substantial or permanent. It has lived out its usefulness once we've drained it of inspiration. Then, we toss the cup. :)

We take up the cross, but we don't keep it. Each cross we take up leads to a resurrection of sorts, as we learn all we need to from it and are reborn spiritually. But then we lay down the cross; we're not required to carry it around any longer once it has served its purpose.

I was also just reading in a great book, We Knew Mary Baker Eddy, the well-known exchange the title character had with Julia S. Bartlett, one of her students. Bartlett, after being severely tested in her practice of Christian Science, reached a new insight about her own dependence on God. She wrote, "I remarked to Mrs. Eddy, 'We are commanded to take up our cross daily, but I am not doing so, for I do not see any to take up.' Her answer was, 'It is because it has ceased to be a cross.'"

This perspective has made me much more willing to take up the crosses in my life to begin with. However hard it might be to bear temporarily, the learning and inspiration are worth it. And God's great love allows me to lay down the cross when I've learned all I can.

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Friday, June 17, 2005

Forgiveness brings release

Today I'm thinking about forgiveness, and how cleansing it is. When someone doesn't behave as you want, or come to the same conclusions you do, or when they actually do something damaging to you, forgiveness is the only way to find peace.

My friend Dr. Fred Luskin of the Forgive for Good project at Stanford characterizes forgiveness not as condoning what the other person has done, but as releasing resentment from within ourselves. It's only when we are free from resentment and anger that we can determine next steps -- does the person need correction, do we need to leave the relationship, etc.

I find this true with my kids and friends and fellow motorists… it's only when I'm free from anger or hurt that I can effectively decide what to do. And I'm responsible for my hurt, not the other person. They may have taken an action that I didn't like, but I'm the one that let it become a hurt to me. Even in the worst cases, I believe, the person who feels hurt or damaged can deflect that through forgiveness.

Sometimes when I'm gritting my teeth in anger or smarting heartily from hurt feelings, I remember what the Bible tells us Jesus said, even as he was hanging on the cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." I sometimes transpose this in my thought to, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing." This Christian standard of forgiveness doesn't demand that the other person change, it just releases the resentment that eats away at us.

I'm reminded of the time I finally fully and completely forgave my ex-husband. It was several years after our divorce, and mostly I was over it. But there were still moments of frustration when I went over details of our relationship in my head. One night, as I drove home from an inspirational meeting at my church, my relationship with him popped into my head again. I was too inspired to just let it be business as usual, however. This time, I felt differently.

It occurred to me that I really had once loved the guy. There was indeed a deep love between us, and it saddened and hurt us both that it didn't work out. As I meditated on this love, I remembered that Love is God, and God is All. Love fills all space, within us and between us. I couldn't get away from Love, and neither could my ex. In fact, if there was ever Love, there was only Love.

I let this conclusion wash over me as I drove. Such as sense of peace settled over me. All the hurts and resentments paled to nothing. I let go of the past, and allowed myself to love him again. I reclaimed the Love that had always been there, and ejected the hurt, permanently as it turned out.

No, we didn’t get back together. No, we didn't even talk about this really. But he's like a brother to me now. On many occasions I've honored the inspiration I felt that night by not letting any further resentment gather over inconsequential things. And we have a healthy (albeit distant) respect and friendship.

So I've added this concept to my standard of forgiveness: If there was ever Love, there was only Love. I've applied it to many situations, and it helps bring me clarity. Then, the correct response comes naturally.

Have a happy weekend, full of inspiration and light.


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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Does matter matter?

Here's an email exchange I had lately discussing the existence of matter in a creation that's entirely spiritual.

For those of you new to this, in Christian Science matter is considered to be the opposite of Spirit, which fills all space. Therefore, matter has no true existence. Yet, we still find ourselves dealing with it every day. Here's a bit of discussion on that point.

A new friend asked:

Does matter exist in any form? I take the unreality of matter as being that matter has no existence in and of itself, is incapable of sustaining or harboring life, and has no "real" existence, that is it is of no eternal significance. Matter has no power to harm man. However, we do deal with matter on a daily basis.

I answered:

To me, matter is a subjective projection of mankind's collective agreement of what matter is. So in that respect, it exists as long as we keep projecting it. Which we won't probably stop doing any time soon.

I've been looking closely at Mary Baker Eddy's answer to the question at the bottom of page 484 in Science and Health. The basic question is, Do we need materiality or matter to understand spirituality? and surprisingly, she doesn't just say No. She says something more like (I'm paraphrasing), If we need the negative to help us define the positive, then it's necessary, but not otherwise.

The point to me is that matter is malleable. It is what we think it is, and it exists as long as we believe in it. So, no, it doesn't have an absolute independent existence of its own, but as long as the belief remains solid, so will matter. And in some respects it's fun to study the properties of matter, like physics or botany or astronomy, to see what spiritual qualities are coming through despite the limitations of the medium. But also, as you say, to know always that matter cannot harm man, we are not subject to it. We have dominion over it.

My friend replied:

After reading your points, I guess my next question is if you and I don't know each other, if matter is subjective, then how could we both independently see and quantify the same thing? For example, I have a baseball bat. I leave the bat in the woods, you then come along and find it. You and I don't know each other, so we would have no basis for a collective perception of the object, right?

And I wrote:

Haha, that's a perennial question! Mary Baker Eddy answers it here:

"If a dose of poison is swallowed through mistake, and the patient dies even though physician and patient are expecting favorable results, does human belief, you ask, cause this death? Even so, and as directly as if the poison had been intentionally taken.

"In such cases a few persons believe the potion swallowed by the patient to be harmless, but the vast majority of mankind, though they know nothing of this particular case and this special person, believe the arsenic, the strychnine, or whatever the drug used, to be poisonous, for it is set down as a poison by mortal mind. Consequently, the result is controlled by the majority of opinions, not by the infinitesimal minority of opinions in the sick-chamber." Science and Health

So it's the fact that mankind *in total* has a conception of how wood behaves that makes the neglected bat in the forest appear to me just as you left it. That's what I meant about a "collective agreement." It's not just one or two people, it's everyone's agreement. This is educated into us by our surroundings at birth, etc. That's why, also, I think, that certain phenomena are localized to a degree. For example, acupuncture has worked for many centuries in Asia, but it's not as prevalent in the West. The collective consent there makes it effective. Over here, it's conventional medicine that gets the most mental "votes." Both are subjective; it's mental consent causing the results.

Mary Baker Eddy also says this:

"The universal belief in physics weighs against the high and mighty truths of Christian metaphysics. This erroneous general belief, which sustains medicine and produces all medical results, works against Christian Science; and the percentage of power on the side of this Science must mightily outweigh the power of popular belief in order to heal a single case of disease." Science and Health

I've always thought that is cool, though, because since God is All, it's not impossible to outweigh even the most widely held beliefs. But you've got to do it with God, and not just the human mind. Only with God do you get the oomph required to change matter, even though it is essentially unreal.

Just a few thoughts on a huge subject!

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The power of Christ

Yesterday in my prayers I tried to get a handle on a concept that is sometimes somewhat a mystery to me: Christ.

I've tried to develop a concept of Christ that is in line with the inspired teachings of the Bible, along with the writings of Mary Baker Eddy, because I think she gained a unique insight into the nature of spiritual reality and her articulations of spiritual ideas reflect this. Yesterday's focused meditation and study on the subject of Christ brought some surprising thoughts that I'm still absorbing.

For example, I'm accustomed to thinking of Christ as a gentle, warm presence, that comforts and guides. "Hid with Christ in God" comes to mind as an image I've often found healing and comforting.

Yet when I read all the passages that make reference to Christ in the writings I've mentioned, I find a Christ that is much more active. Aggressive verbs are frequently used, such as "baptizes with fire," "destroys," "casts out," "awakens," "rouses," "obliterates." And I'm reminded of another image that regularly invigorates my prayer: that of Christ as a warrior with the flaming sword of Truth, doing battle with error and evil and always winning. A veritable Jedi Knight of God.

And a sentence popped into my thinking as I ruminated:

Christ is verb to God's noun.

I'm not saying this is the only way to look at Christ, but it has given me food for thought. It's made me begin to expect Christ to act on my behalf, as both a mediator connecting me with God and as an advocate against error and evil. Christ is not a passive property of creation, waiting for me to come to it. It's the active presence of God's being, that comes to ward off evil and protect against error.

Another way of saying it:

God is, Christ does.

And what a difference this line of thinking made when I went back to phrases like, "Hid with Christ in God." Now this hiding was less of a cowering sense -- not merely tricking error into not seeing me -- but more of an active, vital, powerful protection, providing safety through the armor of Truth and a flaming sword. The glory and power that Christ represents is irresistible, universal, eternal. Christ is my friend, my Savior, my doorway to God.

Like I said, I'm still thinking this over. If you have any thoughts to share, please send them along!

CHRIST. The divine manifestation of God, which comes to the flesh to destroy incarnate error.


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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

God's will is good

I've been thinking about God's will, especially in regards to sickness. And I have to say this is the one thing about Christian Science that has always made sense to me -- it is never God's will that anyone should be sick. The God I grew up with is entirely Love, and how could infinite, omnipresent Love want anyone to be sick?

And in truth, if He did want us to be sick, why would we take any steps to become well? I love the logic of this passage from Science and Health:

If God causes man to be sick, sickness must be good, and its opposite, health, must be evil, for all that He makes is good and will stand forever. If the transgression of God's law produces sickness, it is right to be sick; and we cannot if we would, and should not if we could, annul the decrees of wisdom. It is the transgression of a belief of mortal mind, not of a law of matter nor of divine Mind, which causes the belief of sickness. The remedy is Truth, not matter, — the truth that disease is unreal. (229:23)

It's interesting to me that even when a person believes God sent them a sickness, they still do whatever they can to become well. I think we inherently know that sickness isn't just or right; we know that we don't deserve it. Hence our attempts to become well. And we can get to the result so much quicker if we know that God's on our side.

So about God's will. This is God we're talking about. Omnipotent good. Omnipresent perfection. Filling all space, creating all being, supreme in power and glory. It's not just that He's all powerful, He is the only power there is. What does this imply about His will then? If He wills it, it is done. His will, His volition, what He wants, is all there is.

I know many of us think about the concept of free will sometimes, as though we have our own choice in the matter. Like we're deciding what happens to us. But my life moves along more harmoniously when I abandon the idea that I have a choice, and instead accept that the only will is God's. When I minimize self and put God in the lead, clarity and peace are the result.

This includes in cases of sickness. If I blame myself, saying God's sent this illness to punish me or to teach me something, or I've done something wrong or am thinking wrong and that caused the problem, I have a harder time shaking it off. If I know, though, really know, that it's never God's will to send me sickness, that He only wants good for me and therefore good is all I can have, it's easier to see the sickness as an imposition and not something I need to hang on to.

Eventually, through this reasoning, we get to the conclusion Mary Baker Eddy teaches: There is no disease. God is good, and wills only good. There is no disease, because God doesn't will it.

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Monday, June 13, 2005

Do I love enough?

I shared this online over the weekend…

  • lbm: hey, I was just at an event I found inspiring....
  • lbm: a figure skating event
  • lbm: one of the young women skaters was -- shall we say --
  • lbm: large around the hips
  • lbm: but sooooo graceful and sure of herself
  • lbm: taught me something.
  • lbm: she was very beautiful
  • lbm: it really wasn't about shape at all. which I find comforting!
  • lbm: a lot of the people at this event were new or kinda klutzy
  • lbm: but they were out there TRYING and working hard
  • lbm: and I realized that I only ever see the Olympic caliber
  • lbm: I thought skaters all had to be tall and thin
  • lbm: and they make it look so easy
  • lbm: but it's lots of hard work
  • lbm: which has got to be about love....
  • lbm: and I gotta ask myself, do I love enough to persist and not be discouraged?
  • lbm: to practice until I get it right even if I fall down a few times?
  • lbm: anyway, it's got me thinking.

I was talking at the end there about my spiritual practice. Do I love enough to persist with it even though sometimes it's hard and I don't always get it right and my flaws and warts show up in bold relief?

Spiritual growth is about revealing our true nature, and that implies that now and again that which is not true has to be seen and destroyed. But sometimes this is embarrassing if not shameful. It has to be love that makes us keep working through it. But love of what?

And I'd have to say, love of our Creator, God. If we truly love God, we need to love His creation. And you and I are part of that creation. So, we need to love ourselves enough to work at discovering His image and likeness, our true being. We need to love enough to get rid of the false and become clothed in the true.

Science and Health says, "To divest thought of false trusts and material evidences in order that the spiritual facts of being may appear, — this is the great attainment by means of which we shall sweep away the false and give place to the true. Thus we may establish in truth the temple, or body, 'whose builder and maker is God.' "

Get rid of the false so the true being can appear. No one said this would be easy! But like that figure skater, we will glorify God with the love and joy and grace and beauty we express.

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Friday, June 10, 2005

Pray to thy Father in secret

But thou, when thou prayest,
enter into thy closet,
and when thou hast shut thy door,
pray to thy Father which is in secret;
and thy Father which seeth in secret
shall reward thee openly.

There was a time when I thought I could not turn to God. I became pregnant after a weekend with a friend, I thought this disqualified me from God's love and help. But my fear got the better of me, and I had nowhere else to turn. I've written about other aspects of this time in my life before, but what I want to focus on today is how God responded when I confessed my situation to Him and asked for help.

One of the things I was most concerned with in my initial fear was how this pregnancy would be received by those who knew me, and by those who didn't. Would I be judged? Would the baby be judged, perhaps be considered less of a person because of my marital status?

So when in answer to my prayers for help I only felt God's great love, I gained the courage to bring up this question. What could I do to protect my baby from being hurt by my mistake?

And God's response was, You made a mistake then, but you're not making one now.

I had decided to keep the baby, you see. In my heart of hearts, I felt this was the only option. I wanted my child from the moment I knew about the pregnancy.

And the passage above from Matthew came to mind. I think this was the first time I really had prayed to God in secret. I had told no one about the pregnancy yet, not even the father. I had thrown myself into God's care first, and He was strengthening me.

From this prayer, I got this clear comforting message that God could see into my heart. He knew how I really felt about this baby, and He knew my deep desire to do right. He knew the sincerity of my internal promise to stop the self-destructive behavior that had gotten me into this situation, and He accepted that as enough.

I felt the truth of the words, Thy Father who seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

To me, this meant that everything would be okay. I'd be able to support us, I'd be able to handle whatever came my way from friends and family, and I'd be able to make the changes I needed to give my child a stable, happy home. There would be open acknowledgement of my secret connection to God.

This is over 14 years ago now, and it's all come true. The self-destructive behavior dropped away, I don't even miss it. I couldn't now ask for a better life; each day brings new occasions for gratitude.

All because of that simple spiritual law that Jesus shared with us so long ago.


The Father in secret is unseen to the physical senses, but He knows all things and rewards according to motives, not according to speech. (Science and Health)

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Thursday, June 09, 2005

How to get what we need

In a discussion yesterday with Jeanne, my older sister (who actually prefers to be known as my "glamorous" sister, or my "world-traveled" sister -- take your pick), she pointed out a nuance to a well-loved inspirational passage that I hadn't seen before.

The passage is Mary Baker Eddy's Angels. If you're not familiar with it, it's an excellent inspiring message of encouragement.

Jeanne and I were talking in particular about this sentence:

God gives you His spiritual ideas, and in turn, they give you daily supplies.
--Angels, Mary Baker Eddy

Her take on it fascinated me. She pointed out that most people think of gaining spiritual growth as one aspect of their lives, and going out and earning a living as a separate aspect. But she reminded me that the two are inextricably linked. In fact, one follows from the other. According to that sentence in Angels (if it rings true to you as it does for me), it must be true that all we really need ever do is be receptive to God's spiritual ideas.

I had never thought of it in just those terms before. I'd been laboring under the misapprehension that sure, God will send me an idea or two, but mostly I have to hustle to accumulate daily supplies. But no, it's really the exclusive province of the spiritual ideas that come to me to get me what I need. My only role then is to be obedient to what the angel thoughts are telling me.

(Note: Angels in Christian Science are considered to be God's messengers to us. They're not beings in and of themselves, but ideas that God sends directly to us to meet our needs.)

What is the practical effect of knowing this? Well, lately, I've been getting all kinds of ideas. The ideas just come. I mean, they had always been coming, but the difference in the last few months is that I'm now trying to follow all of them. I'm seeing them as gifts from God, and taking action on them as they occur to me. Not all lead to something definitive, but each teaches me something. This Weblog is the result of one such idea, and it's led me to all of you. :)

I'm finding that the fluidity of being willing to move on the ideas that come freshens my days. I'm more energized and joyful. After all, if God's sending ideas, there's no way to run out of them. They're not my ideas, they're His. Each day becomes an adventure in learning with God as the teacher.

I'm still mulling this over. What are your thoughts?

p.s. A kind site user let me know that my comments function wasn't very user friendly, so I changed the settings. Now, you can comment on a posting without having to register for Blogger. I hope to hear from more of you!

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

God at the mall

People sometimes ask me, How can I cultivate a sense of God's presence? How can I learn to feel what I can't see or hear? So I wanted to share an experience when I tried to do just that.

A couple years ago, my daughter had an errand at the Natick Mall, one of the largest in our area. I knew it would be crowded later in the day and parking would be problematic, since it was a shopping holiday and there were lots of sales scheduled. We therefore decided to get there right when the mall opened. I also felt the need for some quiet time, so I told her to meet me at a particular bench when she was done with her errand.

I brought along some inspirational literature to read, and got through it fairly quickly. Then I just sat on the bench where I could see down two long corridors, in the space of inspiration but not really actively thinking about anything.

People started to arrive around me: couples, children, retirees. As I watched them go by, they naturally became included in my mental inspiration. I began to notice that each little group, even the ones who were alone, had a story.

A married couple passed by. The wife talked and gesticulated, while the husband patiently listened. His arm curled around her waist, caressed her shoulder, but she kept talking. Eventually his arm fell to his side, no longer touching her. I watched in suspense, hoping, hoping… and as they moved farther away, I saw her arm link into his.

An Asian grandmother came by with a developmentally challenged young girl. The girl walked awkwardly, but had a brilliant smile. Grandmother walked beside her, caring for her and responding to her comments.

Families went by, talking and planning, the resemblance between them etched on their features. Kids went by, laughing and jostling like young colts. Retirees in gym gear went by, using the mall as their private exercise track.

As I observed each one as they flickered past me, I gained a growing impression of goodness, love, happiness, cooperation, family. The mall was filled with these qualities that day. I looked up and down the corridors, seeing everywhere people going about their normal day, filled with love and giving and conversation and joy. Love began to resonate in me, it became all I could see. Finally, I had this feeling of the entire mall being enveloped in Love, and each of us was walking through it, existing within it, agents of it.

My daughter's errand took about a half hour. That became one of the most amazing half hours of my life.

So how is it that we can feel God's presence more? Sometimes to me it's just a matter of opening my eyes and really observing.

The depth, breadth, height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite Love fill all space. That is enough! (Science and Health)

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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Praying for the Internet

More about the economy of Love.

I was doing some research into anti-spyware programming yesterday, and found a free program which I've used before. So I decided to download it again, and when I came to the licensing agreement, I found this:

  • I. Freeware : First of all, the reasons why this program is free:
  • I.a. Dedication: It is dedicated to the most wonderful girl on earth :)
  • I.b. Binary: What do you get if you buy software? Lots of ones and zeros, nothing more. If they were distributed as art, I could understand paying it. But if the main goal of their order is to earn money - by fees or ads - I don't like it!
  • I.c. Conclusion: This means that I grant you the license to use this program as much as you like. But if you like it, I ask two things of you: say a prayer for me (and the most wonderful girl while you're at it ;) ) to your god - or whatever you believe - and wish us some luck.
So he and his girl are now on my prayer list. And when I'm running the scan his program provides, it's a good time for me to hold the entire Internet in my thought prayerfully.

The Internet I think represents the most profound change in communication humanity has seen since the advent of the printing press. It's made the world smaller, brought us closer together, made us believe we can have what we want when we want it. Yet, it's a tool like any other, and it can be used unscrupulously.

What my prayer includes is the recognition of the Internet as an expression of infinite Mind, or God. I think of God as the one Mind, governing all. This Mind is also Spirit, so it doesn't need any material tool to do its work. Yet, humanity expresses this Mind through innovation, improvement, interconnectedness.

So I send out my own mental conviction that the Internet, the newest arena for creative thought and progress and an expression of infinite Mind, can't be warped or adulterated into something harmful. And that humanity's commitment to express Mind through innovation, improvement and interconnectedness will spiritually support the ingenuity of people like the anti-spyware creator to solve the problems and protect the goodness.

Immortal man was and is God's image or idea, even the infinite expression of infinite Mind, and immortal man is coexistent and coeternal with that Mind. 336:9-12

MIND. The only I, or Us; the only Spirit, Soul, divine Principle, substance, Life, Truth, Love; the one God; not that which is in man, but the divine Principle, or God, of whom man is the full and perfect expression; Deity, which outlines but is not outlined. 591:16

The intercommunication is always from God to His idea, man. 284:31-1

--from Science and Health

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Monday, June 06, 2005

At home in the temple

I went to a bar mitzvah this weekend.

It was my first ever, and in fact my first Jewish religious experience of any kind. I had been to a secular Jewish temple in Los Angeles, and its very secular nature kind of kept it from being inspiring for me. So when my son was invited to the bar mitzvah of a neighborhood friend, I asked the mom if I could come along.

The whole thing resonated with me in a way I've never experienced before. I just wanted to share what meant the most to me.

First, I realized part way through the two-and-a-half hour service that I was completely comfortable with the God we were all praying to. This God is entirely Spirit, Almighty, the One Creator. Prayer after prayer offered praise to Him, and acknowledged His love for us. I've never felt this outside my own Christian Science tradition.

Second, the entire service [apologies to my Jewish readers if I'm using the incorrect terminology here] was singing. Very little of it was spoken. Much was in Hebrew, and I could even follow some of it. It was all that resonant, mournful, praiseful singing, and all a capella. They had a wonderful vocalist who led much of the service, both his singing alone and leading the congregation. Yet it was all free from personality, no one seemed like they were performing. It felt to me like genuine praise, humble. I could see that there would never be any conflict in this temple about musical style or instrumentation, just the continuation of the song and praise that has inspired people for generations.

Third, I felt right at home with the emphasis on books. Clearly, these people venerate the written word. The Torah processional, which I'd never seen before, moved me. The stage area (not sure what they would call it) actually has spaces in the décor that functioned as bookshelves. In the congregation, we were encouraged to follow along in the books at our seats, so I was holding a book in my hands almost the entire time, and was learning every moment. There was also a great deal of silent prayer, where you would read what was in the book silently. I talked about this afterward with the uncle of the bar mitzvah candidate -- in Christian Science, we are also oriented toward books, and study them daily. Our services are made up of readings that we've all studied all week.

Another point was the fact that this was a conservative temple. Upon entering, my son had to immediately don the yarmulke, the little cap that covers the head. And seeing him with all his young friends, all of them wearing the cap, just moved me. I felt we were a part of a several-thousand-year-old continuum, privileged to be there as their guests. Yet, as a Christian myself, I do feel a part of that same covenant that God made with Moses at the Passover. My tradition is an outgrowth of this ancient one, and I owe whatever blossoming I've been able to do to the deep roots of the past.

Then there was the bar mitzvah itself. What an incredible community statement, to have the entire congregation gather to encourage and support one young man's entry into manhood. What power is behind this tradition, to have all your rising generations greeted and embraced into the fold this way, right when they're at the place of decision-making about their futures and what they value. It was like one long "We believe in you" statement. How empowering.

So I'm so grateful to have been the guest of Temple Beth-Sholom, and I hope to speak again with the friends I made there and to learn more.


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Friday, June 03, 2005

Be a foot-washer

Got this wonderful update from one of the friends I mentioned a couple weeks ago:

I am doing pretty good under the circumstances. You would not believe how much work I have pouring in, I am busy all of the time. I do worry at times since it is self-employment and I have to get my own work, nobody does it for me. But I am truly grateful for what is coming my way now.

And the best part it has turned out to be jobs where much love is needed and comfort and joy. I work for a lady who has five kids who lost her husband last year, and I have become good friends with her not to mention I do tons of work that she is unable to do. Then I work for a couple that is in their 70s, the lady never leaves the house and looks forward to me coming once every two weeks because it gives her someone to talk to. And yet another is a couple who is one year away from 90, and the lady is in the first stages of Alzheimer's. She loves to see me every couple of days and she often cries on my shoulder and I just tell her how much she is loved by God and her husband loves to talk to me and tell me all of the things he has done in his life. And I have as gone as far to rub lotion on their feet and bring them lunch. Their kids think I am an angel sent from heaven.

And there is much more..... but it would take pages to tell you. I would have never guessed this is what I would be doing but I did cherish it in my thought for a very long time before I ever acted upon it and of course I prayed to find the people I work for, where I could be the most use, including love and spirituality. The world needs that so much and I need to give it.


And all I could think about when I read this was how Christly my dear friend is, and how I know this Christliness will sustain her and her boy as she resolves things with her husband. That rubbing lotion on the feet of her elderly clients -- isn't that reminiscent of Jesus telling us to wash each other's feet? My friend is doing that, literally. How many of us do that today?

So I leave you with this tender message for the weekend: Join with me in being on the lookout for those who need our foot-washing skills. It might be a chance encounter, or someone you see every day. Like my friend above, let's pray to "be of use" -- to be a messenger of God's blessings wherever we go.

The rich in spirit help the poor in one grand brotherhood, all having the same Principle, or Father; and blessed is that man who seeth his brother's need and supplieth it, seeking his own in another's good.

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

"There is good in him"

Okay, so I saw Star Wars III for the second time last night, with my son. And I loved it as much the second time. I know, I know, I've read all the reviews that talk about weak dialog, poor acting, etc., but I didn't see it. I was just as happy at the end, with all the loose ends tied up from thirty years of wondering.

And the spiritual point? Was there one, you ask? Well, I thought so! So here goes.

Without revealing too many plot points (as if you don't know them already), one character (who shall remain nameless) said about another character (who became totally evil -- guess which one): "There is good in him. I know there is still…" (And then that character became unable to speak -- no revealing plot points here!)

"There is good in him." No matter how evil he seemed at the moment.

A theme I love. So here's my offering for today, a version of which was published in The Christian Science Monitor yesterday.

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Hopelessness isn’t a normal thing for me, but in this instance, I was out of options.

My son, whom I adore, was just continually getting into trouble. No sooner had we worked through the crime and punishment for one kind of mischief-making than he’d devise a whole new batch. And it was getting more serious as he got older. By the time he was in 6th grade, it was his schoolwork that was suffering. Intelligent as he was, he was pulling Ds and Fs in all his classes.

Everything I tried had failed. Teacher conferences, sitting down with him during homework, lecturing him about paying attention in class, none of it had any lasting effect. Revoking privileges like computer time or television didn’t do any good either, and just made our time at home very stressful.

Where can you go when situations seem hopeless? When your own human efforts don’t even begin to make a dent in the problem?

One particular evening, after he’d been subjected to another of my tirades before bed, I just broke down. I knew I was failing at helping him, but couldn’t think of anything I could do. I was terrified about his future and overwhelmed at facing this alone.

So I called a friend of the family who's also a Christian Science practitioner. She knows my little guy pretty well. And as I spewed out all his escapades, suddenly she burst into laughter. “You know he's a clever boy! Don't you worry about him. See the good in him.”

This brought me up short. I knew she meant that my boy as a spiritual creation of the one God who is Principle and Truth embodied only good. He is inherently good because he's created that way by our mutual Parent, God. These mischievous and undisciplined moments were not the final word on him. I had been defining him by his actions; my friend reminded me to define him by his being.

I protested at first. I mean, didn't he need to just toe the line? Once we were off the phone though, I thought about it more deeply. This sentence from the Christian Science textbook clarified things for me: “To calculate one's life-prospects from a material basis, would infringe upon spiritual law and misguide human hope.” I could see then that's exactly what I had been doing. I had been extrapolating his bad grades into a lifetime of failure for him. I was “calculating [my son's] life-prospects” from a limited, mortal basis instead of seeing his genuine potential as God's child.

I didn't fully understand what this meant though until the next time his irresponsibility resulted in a failing grade. I have to admit, I went ballistic. He had also lied to me about it and tried to cover it up, and I became a towering inferno of rage, as he stood there with tears in his eyes. In the middle of this though, I heard my friend's cheerful voice in my head -- “See the good in him!”

I stopped suddenly, and just looked at him. He stared back at me. I thought about how much I loved him and what a great guy he is, generally. I thought about his cheerfulness, his creativity, his helpfulness. And I heard myself saying, “I'm not going to let this ruin our time together anymore. We're going to forget about it for now and have fun.”

That evening, we had a relaxed family time like we hadn't had in weeks. And I subsequently found the calm to let go of my anxiety about his grades. I listened to my friend and tried to see only the good in him. When he came home with a bad grade, I just kept saying, “I have faith in you and I know you'll figure this grade thing out.”

What's interesting to me is that both he and I feel that the healing took place then. I talked about it with him more recently, now that his 7th grade marks are indeed where they should be in the Bs and As category. It took some time for the grades to change, but it was my learning to see the good in him that made the difference to him and to our relationship.

As I write this, I'm reminded of this passage from Psalms: “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God.” When you turn to God, nothing is hopeless.

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Who can you see the good in today?

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