On to birth control

To the reader who commented with the question about Principle:
I'll be addressing that topic in next week's blog,
so keep your eyes open!

It seemed funny to be ending the year with this subject, until I checked on census.gov and learned that October is frequently the month of highest birth rates. So this goes out to all the folks dedicating January to welcoming a new little one into their lives—in nine months or so. [grin]

So, to answer the question from the other day, to me, the birth control decision falls under the heading of "What's the better belief?" (I wrote about this in the context of nutrition some months ago.) Basically, as we work toward the spiritual ultimate of all things, there is a day-to-day that we need to deal with in the meantime.

You might sort through birth control choices this way (I've put them in no particular order):

• Having sex with no birth control when you're willing to have a child, but not necessarily actively wanting one.
• Having sex and using chemical means to avoid pregnancy.
• Having sex and using withdrawal or some other last moment thing to avoid pregnancy.
• Having sex with no birth control when you do actively want a child.
• Having sex and not using birth control, even though you don't want a child.
• Having sex and using mechanical means to avoid pregnancy.
• Having sex and using the rhythm method to avoid pregnancy.
• Having sex and choosing a birth control method that both partners are comfortable with until you do want a child.
• Not having sex unless you actively want a child.

Hmmm, there's a lot of "having sex" options up there! And there are probably others I didn't think of. We all know the relative risks and responsibilities of each of them. This is not a lesson in birth control options, however. What I'm wanting to point out is that *all* of the above fall into the "gray area" I've written about before as well.

The entire issue stems from the belief that we are born into this body to begin with. That sex is the creator, and that biological procreation is life. However, from an entirely spiritual perspective, creation is already complete, finished. God, Spirit, spoke and it was done. (See Science and Health, 557:22.) We're not creating anything.

So what is this physical existence? One giant gray area. Nothing we decide humanly is an absolute—it's all relative, all dependent on the situation and circumstances.

The question then becomes, what's the highest right under the given circumstances? Chances are when you read the list above, some jumped out to you as totally wrong, others were acceptable although a clear compromise with matter, and others expressed an ideal or maybe even a goal.

These are your private conclusions. Only you can determine what works for you. And, if you're a student of Christian Science, only you can examine the teachings to see what they're telling you on this subject. Different people will come to different conclusions based on their own reading and where they are on their spiritual journey. There is no one right answer.

When I talk with people about this and similar "gray area" issues, I try to help them cultivate a direct line to Spirit. "The intercommunication is always from God to His idea, man" (ibid., p. 284). In that equation, there's no one between you and God who can or should tell you what to do. There are a lot of issues to think about and pray over, but only you can discern what is the highest right—the better belief—for your situation.

What we need to resist is the desire to take the easy way out, to have someone just tell us what to do. We need to wrestle through the issues and come to our own conclusions. But I've seen that doing so and then consistently living our lives according to the "better belief" concept is guaranteed to ratchet us upward, step by step. Applying this process to every decision you face in this gray area of human existence, and you'll find the mist clearing and spiritual reality easier to see.

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It's a relation "ship"

Before moving on to the second question from yesterday about birth control, I wanted to bring this wonderful comment to your attention, from Pamela:

My husband and I have been married for 36 years this December. I feel that is solely because of our devotion to being humble, respectful, sovereign, individual, loving, patient and that we listen to God's direction and spiritualize our relationship.

My husband likes to think of it as a relation...."ship" since he is a wooden boat builder. It is like a ship at sea.... meaning that it is not always beautiful weather and there will be some challenges, but you know that "Love is at the Helm of thought" and never need to give up or jump over the side. The ship (sailboat) rides out the storm bobbing up and down, but never tipping over. It has the heavy keel full of bountiful spiritual ideas that balances the challenge. You can throw out a steadying anchor to slow it down. The anchor is the firm foundation that you can't see and the sails are the consciousness and connection to God that embrace and fill with inspiration that powers the ship. The rudder keeps you on track going in the right direction and the compass shows you where you are heading. And then we read the story about Jesus calming the storm "Peace be still to all human fears."

We have sailed across the Atlantic, in the Mediterranean and up and down to the Caribbean. I have learned so much about letting go and letting God be in control because you have NO other choice. We just need to accept, yield, allow, let God take charge. It is all about Soul and Spirit, Truth Life and Love and Principle and Mind.

Wonderful!

Pamela refers to one of my favorite passages from Mary Baker Eddy:

We have nothing to fear when Love is at the helm of thought, but everything to enjoy on earth and in heaven.

--Miscellaneous Writings, p. 113

Seems to me that passage applies particularly to the issue of intimacy. Enjoyment is a natural outcome of putting Love first in thought.

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Should we, or shouldn't we?

Got a couple of intriguing questions recently from some of my married readers.

• 1. What are Christian Scientists supposed to do for birth control?

• 2. What is your take on oral sex?

I'm going to tackle the second question first, because frankly, that's where my attention went! I'll probably write on the first question tomorrow.

And, just to reiterate, both my answers will address the issues within the context of marriage. The people asking are married, so let's assume that. Possibly I'll write another entry covering some of the non-married issues.

So, oral sex—right, or wrong? The issue tends to come up when one spouse enjoys being on the receiving end, but the other spouse isn't too keen on providing it. What to do?

When I work as a practitioner with people regarding anything to do with their marriage, I try to orient the discussion toward the marriage itself. Meaning, there's you, there's your spouse, and then there's this third thing—your marriage. The idea is to make the *marriage* happy and strong. It's not about making each other happy and successful, it's about the two of you working together to make the marriage happy and successful.

I'll also pull out a few passages from Mary Baker Eddy, just to put us all on the same page, so to speak. People were asking her this kind of question all the time—it's amazing how obsessed Christendom has historically been with sexuality.

When asked by a wife or a husband important questions concerning their happiness, the substance of my reply is: God will guide you. Be faithful over home relations; they lead to higher joys: obey the Golden Rule for human life, and it will spare you much bitterness. It is pleasanter to do right than wrong; it makes one ruler over one's self and hallows home, — which is woman's world. Please your husband, and he will be apt to please you; preserve affection on both sides.

Great mischief comes from attempts to steady other people's altars, venturing on valor without discretion, which is virtually meddlesomeness. Even your sincere and courageous convictions regarding what is best for others may be mistaken; you must be demonstratively right yourself, and work out the greatest good to the greatest number, before you are sure of being a fit counsellor.

--Miscellaneous Writings, p. 287

Apparently there were some wives in the early days of Eddy's movement who felt they had "overcome" sexuality, so were denying it to their husbands. I've always felt her short essay "A Christian Science Statute" was in response to that. Here are two passages from that essay.

A man or woman, having voluntarily entered into wedlock, and accepted the claims of the marriage covenant, is held in Christian Science as morally bound to fulfil all the claims growing out of this contract, unless such claims are relinquished by mutual consent of both parties, or this contract is legally dissolved. …

When causing others to go astray, we also are wanderers. "With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Ask yourself: Under the same circumstances, in the same spiritual ignorance and power of passion, would I be strengthened by having my best friend break troth with me?

--Miscellaneous Writings, pp. 297, 298

The question of which sexual acts are "right" or "wrong" to me is too narrow a question. When you're dealing with a marriage, the issue is much bigger than a laundry list of "this is okay, this isn't." In fact, I believe one of the fallacies of Christendom has been to try to delineate and then enforce the prohibition of external behaviors, supposedly as a way to lead to greater spirituality. I don't think it works that way. I think it's the greater spirituality that leads to the appropriate external behavior. The behavior is the result of spiritual growth, not the cause of it.

So, as Eddy says, "God will guide you." The oral sex decision is one you can actually take to God, moment by moment. What will make the marriage stronger? What will express the most love? What will increase the harmony between the spouses? Can this be an opportunity for the spouses to communicate honestly and work together on their issues, sexual and otherwise?

Orienting yourself within a marriage toward God can bring some perspective to "should I or shouldn't I" questions. God will guide you moment by moment, and you can trust that that will add up to years. We make the mistake of thinking each decision is a policy statement for all time, when in fact we're only responsible for right now.

Fill your "right nows" with God, and let His loving guidance motivate your actions. I'm convinced this applies even in the most intimate of circumstances.

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A little Christmas audio

Hello, friends! And Merry Christmas!

You know the tide has turned on Christmas when it's Mom who is up early and the kids are sleeping in. So I'm experimenting this morning with a new blog idea—audio.

Please enjoy this audio version of a holiday blog entry.

• God at the Mall: Windows Media version

• God at the Mall: MP3 version

Let me know what you think of audio, also—I may start doing more of it now that I know how.

For more inspiration, Evan also has a great entry today, about Christmas and spiritual healing.

Today we're traveling, and will be back late tomorrow, so it's tomorrow I might not blog. Although I can't seem to stay away from y'all!

Enjoy your day welcoming the Christ.

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Christmas preparations

As of right now, here's how prepared the Matthews household is for Christmas:

• One tree, undecorated, stands in the living room. Ornaments not even up from the basement.
• Only two Christmas films viewed (Miracle on 34^th Street and While You Were Sleeping). Grinch, Charlie Brown and It's a Wonderful Life still to come.
• I personally have not purchased a single present, if you don't count the ones for business purposes. (We're planning an Amazon fest perhaps over the weekend—better late than never.)
• No groceries yet obtained for the Christmas turkey dinner (which we're having to make up for not being together on Thanksgiving).
• Nary a Christmas card mailed, not even to family.

I've been a total slacker this year. True, there is a box of See's Candy in the house. My mom sent us her chocolate chip cookies. And dear friends and family have sent gifts. But those are the only visible nods to the fact that Christmas is barely three days away.

Yet strangely I feel quite merry. There's a peace and contentment settling over the house that I can't quite describe. I've got my two favorite people here with me, and we're doing gentle, unstructured things together as the opportunity presents itself. I remain in love with my little house and the life I'm leading. I've got work to do that I enjoy and friends who matter to me.

This quietness, this contentment, this peace. Christmas snuck in here somehow, with the presence of the Christ Spirit.

I was talking with some friends the other day about the Christ. We agreed that for us, it's so much bigger than the symbol of the baby in the manger. Christ is the property of God's creation that connects us to Him—the atmosphere we all move in together, the essence that makes us one. If God is infinite light and we are His reflection, Christ is the sunbeam that makes the reflection possible. Christ is the way God touches His creation. Christ is God's tender embrace of us all.

So, is it possible to welcome something that's been here for ages? I feel like I've had this spiritual guest in the house for some time now and I'm only just now seeing it sitting there, smiling.

"Merry Christmas!" I say to it, as it glows. And it twinkles back, brightly shining.

p.s. I may or may not be posting on Monday or Tuesday next week, due to traveling. Have a blessed weekend!

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Gifts from my children

I love Veronika's question in response to my blog entry the other day, where my son mentioned how I reflect God to him:

How about the other way round? How do your children express God for you?

Love, Veronika

My children reflect God in a million myriad ways, it would be impossible to enumerate all their amazing qualities. (Do all parents feel that way?) When I think about their impact on *my* life, though, I think about two specific attributes their advent revealed in me.

First, my daughter. Despite graduating high school at the top of my class and college in three whirlwind years, I still went into early adulthood with some severe self-esteem issues. A lot of my choices were based on not feeling worthy or admirable. I "settled" for a lot of situations and did things out of desperation.

But then I had my girl. I saw her as perfect. She was a pleasure to have around and to be with. I loved cuddling with her happiness. Her little clothes were so charming and her manner so lovely. I felt my number one duty was not to do anything to put her loveliness at risk.

When I was out with her, people would comment on how delightful she was, and then they'd say, "You must be an excellent mother." Huh! That was a new idea. I was excellent at something.

She continued lovely and charming and delightful, and bright and inquisitive and creative, and so on and so on. I fulfilled my role as mother, caring for her and loving her unconditionally. I couldn't take credit for her native qualities, but I began to see that I had in myself the ability to do a good job and to put someone else first. What I gained from those early years of her place on this earth was confidence in myself, for the first time, for a job well done.

The confidence she gave me led me to put my own life in order. I stopped settling for things and instead began to insist on my own happiness and well-being. I made some mistakes in the process, but the inner confidence I'd gained kept me on course.

Then my son came along. The circumstances were such that I was on my own entirely. I never doubted the rightness of having him, but I did doubt my own ability to pull it off. Early in the pregnancy and through the infancy period, I had only one option. I had to put my trust in God. There was no other way to make it through.

And I found out an amazing thing. Relying on God is not a weakness, it's a strength. Up until that point, I'd been forging my own path, getting things done through sheer strength of will. Now, with minimal human help available and a vastly huge job ahead of me of raising these two kids on my own, I reached my personal limit. That's when God stepped in. God—you know, Omnipotence. All power. There isn't much beyond God's limits! Certainly not the raising of two children. God could definitely help me with that.

And I was helped. Putting my trust in the Divine opened the way for me to gather all that the three of us needed to have a very happy, energetic, productive life. He, too, was a delight always to have around. Just funny, all the time, and himself, definitely. He required a bit more running around than his sister, but it was always entrancing. How did I have the strength? I couldn't have done it without Divine help. Having my son taught me what strength is, and where it comes from.

These two remain my two favorite people. I love basking in their individuality and rejoicing. And, I now look at strength as inexhaustible and confidence as natural. These are my gifts from my children.

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Conflict leads to oneness

Today I'd like to direct your attention to another fine piece of journalism by moi published this week on SpiritOnTheJob.com: How to achieve peace.

The article is about Philip Hellmich, one of the awardees at the International Spirit at Work Awards Conference I attended in October. I learned so much from this guy, not the least of which is to begin to see conflict not at as negative, but as an opportunity for growth.

I have to admit, I'm pretty good at conflict avoidance. I'll put on the happy face with the best of them just to put off any confrontation. But then, suddenly, I'll reach my limit. Unfortunate things subsequently occur.

But the idea of seeing conflict (as Philip's organization Search for Common Ground recommends) as an opportunity to strengthen relationships makes too much spiritual sense for me to ignore. Working through a conflict, listening to the other, seeing them as having a point of view even if you don't agree, can actually bring you closer. To me, what this indicates is the possibility of achieving spiritual oneness even when you aren't the same humanly.

Conflict avoidance notwithstanding, I experienced this a lot when working on the spirituality Website a few years ago. We were a group of incredibly intense and passionate individuals, all top of our fields and aggressive about getting our own way.

Initially there was definitely some "bumping" into each other (as Philip would describe it). But as time went on, and we increasingly unified behind the mission of putting the site visitor first, we could bring our different perspectives to decision-making harmoniously. We got much better at listening to each other and learning enough about each other's disciplines to begin to work in unity. It became the best place in the world to work, with the tightest team making a daily difference in the lives of our customers. We were one, working together as a seamless whole.

To this day, I still can hear my marketing colleague's voice giving advice when I'm considering options about my various Web projects. We're all still close—in fact, I’m working with members of that team on SpiritOnTheJob.com.

Conflict seems like it'd be the last thing that would lead to oneness, but as is typical of this mortal seeming, things are not always as they seem. Conflict reveals the potential for oneness. If all the world saw it that way, what kind of world would we have?

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Healers don't have to be perfect

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Great entry on my friend Emily's blog the other day: On the nature of healing. It's a crystal clear example of how selflessness heals not only another but also ourselves.

What her story reminded me of is the fact that you don't have to be perfect yourself before you can heal others. Thank God! I'm talking about human perfection, meaning a person with no problems or faults. If we had to be perfect people first, no one would ever become a healer.

I learned this lesson most strongly after reading Gillian Gill's Mary Baker Eddy. This comprehensive biography of the discoverer of Christian Science really tells her story in detail, warts and all. You see her getting angry, hurt, impatient—yet you also see her brilliance, her devotion, and her love for God, her students and the world. Mary Baker Eddy the human being was not perfect. This taught me that I didn't need to wait until I was perfect to learn to heal. I became a practitioner—a spiritual healer—shortly after reading that biography.

This lesson had deepened since I started this blog. At first, I wondered if "telling it like it is" with my own spiritual journey would keep people from calling me for help. If I showed my own struggles, wouldn't people think I couldn't handle theirs? But then I found exactly the opposite to be true. When I wrote about my recent demonstrations, I would often hear from people needing help in the same arenas. They didn't need me to be light years ahead of them in order for me to be helpful—just a few weeks was sometimes enough.

Sometimes, too, I've even been still in the middle of something when someone calls me for help on the same issue. I wrote about one instance of this here.

My point is, don't let anything keep you from healing, even your own estimation of personal flaws or unreadiness. Turns out the flaws are actually not really a part of you anyway, so there's no need for them to get in your way. If something presents itself to you for healing, have at it. If it's coming to your attention, you're the one God's appointed to deal with it, whether you think you're ready or not. *God* thinks you're ready, so the fact is, you've already won.

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Kids are home!

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Yay! They're home!

My son got home last Thursday, and my daughter arrived last night. *Sigh.* We cuddled up to watch TV as Mom got sleepier and sleepier. Heavenly.

Both of them are working very hard and have grown so much. Son's grades at his private school are in the B+ range, and daughter just ground through a million excruciating final art projects. They both look healthy and strong and happy. My only passing wish is that they would go to bed at 10 and wake up at 6, but I’m dealing with it.

My son wrote a paper for school recently about *moi* no less, and I just wanted to share one part with you (with his permission):

After [my mom's] business started to grow, we had our toughest year of all. My sister was going to college and I was falling into a mental pit of my own. I had friends that my mom didn't approve of, and I didn't care. I should've listened to her and stayed away from them, but the temptation was too great and too amusing and fun for me. I started smoking and drinking. She dealt with it the best she could, she went to great measures to get me to quit. It took some months, and it was a very hard journey for me, but my mom was there the entire time.

I feel as if my mom was reflecting God’s care and love for me because she was always there, and she always will be.

Not a bad Christmas present, if you ask me.

He's touching on something I've always believed—that I merely fill the office of "Mom" in their lives, but God is their real Mother. My role as mom here is to demonstrate to them a bit of what they can expect from God. Of course I can only do a fraction of it, and eventually they outgrow that fraction and need more. That's when my hope would be that they make the transition from relying on me to relying on God. Our relationship then segues into a deep abiding friendship and enjoyment of each other.

And that's what it feels like today. This Christmas may be leaner than some others have been, but it's shaping up to me to be the best Christmas ever.

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Holy Family Values, Batman: An appreciation for fathers

Newsweek's cover story, Holy Family Values, is subtitled, "How first-century Jewish family values shaped Christianity." Fascinating article.

Reading the article reminded me of an appreciation I've always had for the unsung hero of the Nativity—Joseph. And I mean literally unsung. Mary's got all kinds of songs where she's featured, from "What Child Is This" to "Little Drummer Boy." Nary a song includes any lyrics where we sing "Joseph" in the same way we sing "Mary" or "the virgin." A sad omission.

For after all, it was Joseph who willingly married a girl carrying someone else's child. It was Joseph who left his career as a carpenter to bring the mother and child to safety in another country until their enemies were gone. And it was Joseph who brought them back again when the coast was clear.

The thing that strikes me about this is that's two job changes within the period of a few years, on behalf of a child. Who does that? Most of the time, it's the kids and dependent spouses who have to move when the head of household requires it. But to relocate and start over in a strange place, not once but twice, for a preschooler?

Fatherhood today sometimes seems under siege. Changing gender roles and job markets have sometimes left men floundering, wondering what their actual place is in the scheme of things. Women seem to know the house still needs to be cleaned, the food cooked, the children raised. But on the men's side, when every job that was traditionally yours has now been "outsourced" to the other gender, I suppose that can be disorienting.

In doing my best to teach my son how to be a man, I've often looked to the example of Joseph. We don't know much about his personality, but we do know about his actions. He was a man of action. He realized the steps that needed to be taken, and he did them. He put his family first. He put a child first, a child not even of his flesh. He did what had to be done.

And it's an essential, although often overlooked, part of the story. In that day and age, Mary could not have done it alone. Even today it's hard, and back then, impossible, for her to give the child a respectable life without a husband and father. Without Joseph stepping in as father, I doubt Jesus would have gotten anywhere near that temple as a twelve-year-old—he would have been marked as illegitimate before they even left home.

So I raise my mug of hot chocolate this morning to Joseph, and to fathers everywhere who every day fight the battle for their children, step-children, grandchildren, adopted children. Look for their unsung deeds today, and send some appreciation their way.

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Church without walls

Through the wonder of conference calling, I attended church a thousand miles away last night without leaving my house.

The North Palm Beach, Florida, Spiritual Sharing Circle is held every Wednesday night, and they hook up the phone for long-distance attendees to conference in. I love attending this meeting. Modeled after the Christian Science testimony meetings, it's casual, spontaneous, inspired, and friendly. I've discovered I actually listen better when my hands are occupied, so it's fun to sit at my desk, listening on muted speaker phone, playing silent video games while contemplating the readings. But that's just me.

Last night the readings, from the Bible and Science and Health, were on true hearing and seeing. The reader, my friend Travis Thomas, cited this great story in the Gospel of John:

43 The day following Jesus would go forth into Galilee, and findeth Philip, and saith unto him, Follow me.

44 Now Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter.

45 Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.

46 And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.

And now, looking that up on the computer, I see that this gospel has several instances of the "come and see" concept. Perhaps that was one of John's messages—that the Jesus message and power doesn't need to be argued, but people will be convinced if they just come and see. (Of course John also has the "doubting Thomas story," which now makes more sense to me in that context.)

The testimonies were great, too, and from all over the time zone, which was very cool.

If you'd like information about calling in to the Spiritual Sharing Circle, click here and submit your email to Miles to get on the invitation list. Then just attend when you can. You can call in totally anonymously, which is what I do, or introduce yourself as soon as you get there. Either way, you'll be warmly welcomed.

To me, I feel like I've added to my extended spiritual family.

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Hallelujah Chorus

As you may remember from last year, Thanksgiving Day is the day I pop Christmas music into my car CD player and listen to it exclusively for all of December as I drive around. I've got recordings from my high school choir holiday concerts, a campy 70's Christmas carol album known as "The Little Drummer Boy," and Handel's The Messiah.

Here's a version of The Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah, just so you have it handy (aren't they great?):

Zion Lutheran Church, New Creation Choir Spring Concert 06

We sang that piece in high school, although we didn't record it. It's embedded in my Christmas psyche along with the Grinch and Charlie Brown.

Every year when I spend that time in the car with The Messiah, I think again about the wondrous appearance of the Christ on earth. Today I thought I'd explore what that means to me.

When I'm singing that "King of Kings, and Lord of Lords," along with the chorus, I'm not actually thinking of the human Jesus. The Messiah to me moves seamlessly back and forth between revering the human Jesus and what he went through and the Holy Christ that Jesus embodied. As you may know, The Messiah is made up of Bible verses ranging from the Old Testament prophecies through Jesus' birth, death and resurrection in the New Testament, all the way to the final prophecies of Revelation. It's kind of Jesus' biography in song.

The Hallelujah Chorus is from that final book of the Bible, and declares the appearing of the kingdom of God.

Hallelujah!
For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
The kingdom of this world is become
the kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ,
and He shall reign forever and ever.

To me, this is a statement of the reality of being. God, Spirit, reigns, and is all. Christ, not person but idea, is that property of Spirit's being that extends through all space and encompasses us as God's idea. Christ to me is the atmosphere of Love, the breath of Life. We live and move and have our being in it. Christ is the essence of the reality we move through as spiritual beings.

So when I'm singing at the top of my voice along with the choir in my car, I'm singing about present reality. I'm singing about the presence of the Christ there with me in the car, and everywhere. I'm glorifying the omnipotence of God and His Christ as *now.*

And this presence is infinite Love. Love filling all the roadways and towns, all the mountains, valleys, streams and forests.

That's what the season means to me. Christ is here now. Jesus came to show it to is, and it can never be taken away. It is omnipotent, omnipresent.

I spend the month letting my heart swell with this conviction every year. It never gets old. Christmas Eve will find me with the music filling my house until around midnight, as I sit by the tree and stare at the lights, delighting in the Christ appearing again and always.

Merry Christmas, everyone. May the Christ appear for you, whatever you conceive that to be, and may you feel the presence of Love throughout the season.

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DaVinci Code and the true story of Jesus

Okay, I’m coming a little late to this party, but I finally saw The DaVinci Code on DVD over the weekend with a friend. True to my usual, I didn't like it as well as the book. It seemed to me that it copped out here and there to be more palatable to the "faithful." Afterward, my friend and I discussed some of the points, like was Jesus married and did Mary Magdalene flee with his child over to France, and basically we agreed that we couldn't see what the big deal was one way or the other.

I think essentially this: If your faith in the mission of Jesus is based on doctrine, it can be rattled by things like this book/movie. Having someone point out yet again that there's things about the early history of the Christian movement that we'll never know for sure can rock your world if your convictions are dependent on a particular subsequent interpretation of Bible stories being fact.

However, if your reverence for Jesus and his message comes more from the spiritual side, things like his marital status or the existence of progeny don't make any difference. The ability to live the life the Messiah came to show us then comes from inspiration, not doctrine.

Mary Baker Eddy says this: "The divine Science taught in the original language of the Bible came through inspiration, and needs inspiration to be understood" (Science and Health).

I've seen that the meaning of the Biblical teachings for me has evolved as my own spiritual journey has progressed. For example, when I was a child, I really loved the idea of those animals going two-by-two into Noah's ark. I loved the idea that God was looking out for each of His creatures.

Now, as an adult with some Biblical study under my belt, I no longer believe in the literal two-by-two story. Yet I still retain the inspiration that the symbolism of the story gives me, that of God's protection and the ark idea of safety. And I still cling to the promise that God will never allow total world destruction, even as my eyes are opened to things like global warming and weapons of mass destruction. We need to address these things, but with the power of divine Spirit, we will overcome them. I think that's the spiritual meaning of the Noah story, which is valid to me whether two giraffes and two hippos walked up a ramp into an ark or not.

So what is the true story of Jesus? To me, it's whatever rings true to you when you read it yourself. I have convictions now based on a lifetime of experience with demonstrating the spiritual truths Jesus revealed, and these can't be shaken by Dead Sea Scrolls or the Gospel of Thomas or an exploration of the Knights Templar. Any new historical evidence is just that—historical. It can't impact the present-day effectiveness of the genuine, universal, spiritual ideas that underlie the Biblical stories.

I think we're meant to have our own individual relationship with the Bible—to read it with understanding and inspiration, and to find the meaning for ourselves, today. The Bible is living and interactive. Read it for yourself and let it speak to you.

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Oneness in silence

I visited a congregation of Friends yesterday, otherwise known as Quakers. Someone I know from my volunteer work belongs to the congregation, and she invited me to come.

Here's what the introductory brochure said:

To begin with, we quietly take our seats on the benches. As the benches fill, slowly silence settles over the meeting. [T]here are no hymns, no sermons, no set prayers, no responsive readings, no ceremonies, no rituals and no minister. Each of us is alone with his or her thoughts, insights or prayers, while being part of a company of seekers.

Occasionally the silence may be broken when someone feels the need to offer a message, usually brief, simple in wording, and spiritual in nature. …

If you were to ask a number of Friends what takes place in a Friends Meeting for Worship, you would get many different answers. It is likely though that most would agree that a Meeting for Worship is a period of intense listening—listening to others, listening to that small inner voice in each of us, listening to whatever ways God speaks.

In a Friends Meeting, listening is a very active verb. It suggests not just the relatively passive act of hearing but the active effort of seeking.

I felt very much at home. The room we were in was quintessential New England—hardwood floors, roaring fire, straight-backed uncushioned benches. High ceilings, lighted only by the sun through the windows. I sat with a view of the fire. As the silence settled, the only sounds were the popping of the sparks and the various gentle human noises a group of people relaxing will make.

This particular meeting remained silent this way throughout. I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into my thoughts. Favorite memorized passages were where I started. Then I caught on the idea of one Mind, and suddenly realized how easy it is to accept one Mind when no one is talking. I stayed with this amusing concept for a time, really appreciating the oneness of silence.

In short, I enjoyed it. At the end, the appointed member invited us all to shake hands, and we all did so with each other, saying, "Good morning, Friend." Downstairs there were snacks and drinks, and I found my friend and met many others.

I've been thinking of the oneness of silence since then. Later in the day yesterday I attended a holiday carol sing and then an ice skating show. And I could see the difference between participating myself or watching others and the group silence of the Friends meeting. In the carol sing, particularly, I noticed how concerned I was with how I sounded. Did the people around me think I had a nice voice, was I singing in tune, could I get the kids who were there with their parents to smile at me? I had more of an ego there.

But in the oneness of the silence, I experienced less of an ego. I was one of a larger thought, a united consciousness. At least that's what I felt—of course I can't speak for the ones who do this every week.

Try being silent with someone this week. Often we fill the silences with sound as though we're afraid of emptiness. But if we let the conversation lapse into silence, we can companion on an entirely different level. Silence is frictionless, opinionless, present. I know it can also be cold, as in if someone is refusing to talk or is angry. But if we bite our tongues in even those circumstances and let the silence clean us and calm us, perhaps what we say next can be healing.

There is only one Mind, and we all share it. I'll be appreciating that in the silences this week.

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Jumping when you're told

Today's story is about a powerful vision I had many years ago, when I was facing some intense anxiety about my future. (I feel like I may have told this story before, but it doesn't appear to be on my blog yet.)

I had been laid off from the job in LA, and the kids were still small. Months had gone by, and I was beginning to get the idea I was headed for a new profession in the spiritual practice. See this blog entry for the larger story. What that blog entry doesn't detail, though, is some of the struggle I went through as I prayed to know whether spiritual healing would be enough to sustain me and my family.

So one night, I had a vision. Even though it happened while I was sleeping, I don't call it a dream. It still stays with me, I can picture it as clearly as any memory I have.

In this vision, my two children (8 and 3 at the time) and I were on a small row boat. The sea around us roiled with a storm, and the boat was breaking up. I clung to the shards of wood, desperate to save the kids. Suddenly, a man was in the boat with us. He had a reddish moustache and beard and longish hair, and a gentle face.

He said to me, "Jump in."

I said, "Are you crazy? The kids'll drown!"

He said, "Jump in!"

And, I have to admit, I flatly refused. But the boat was rapidly dissolving. The man scooped us up in his arms and fell with us all three into the sea.

The next thing I knew, I was holding the kids in my arms under water. The man had disappeared, but a whale showed up and swallowed us. It wasn't scary or slimy, but warm and dry like in the movie Pinocchio.

In a moment, we were released onto a sandy beach. The sky was clear, the waves were calm, everything was golden. We were safe and warm.

When I awoke later, I remembered every detail. I felt this was a message to me about my situation. Here's how I'd interpret the symbolism:

• Water = fear

• Boat = what I'd relied on in the past

• Kids = what I had to protect

• Man in boat = the Christ

• Whale = the transitional stage

• Shore = where I wind up if I obey

This message really comforted me. It's like God was showing me my entire future, collapsed symbolically into that one episode.

So guess what? I jumped in. I consented mentally to spiritual healing as a lifework, and I knew everything would be okay.

When I remember that vision, I feel again what it's like to be on that shore. Sometimes in my day-to-day life, it seems as though that I'm still in the whale. But heck, at least I'm not in the boat.

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My final day in court

Finally settled! I've mentioned in prior posts about the legal process I was going through, and today we had our moment before the judge to sign and seal the agreement after settling outside of court.

I'm glad now that it took almost a year to settle since I had some spiritual lessons to learn. The whole process has taught me a lot about forgiveness. I went back and forth throughout the year, wrestling as to whether I should just walk away from the issue or whether it was right to pursue it.

In the end, what I think became most important was to be able to move ahead without anger. When I was angry or feeling injured, I couldn't think clearly and wanted retribution. When I put on my empathy hat and thought of the other party with understanding (and occasionally even love), all I then wanted was what was fair. And fair is what I eventually got.

This ties in remarkably with something my mom told me a few weeks ago (which I wrote down because it was so powerful and because I'm writing a family history):

What I have learned

by Laura's Mommy

The purpose of life is forgiveness. I have learned that so strongly, just recently. It's an amazing thing. How healing it is for yourself to be able to go back through your life, go back through *my* whole life, and just be forgiving for everything that happened. I had sort of a Charles Dickens childhood, now I see the purpose of all that so that I could learn forgiveness. That's all you really need to know. If you can reach that height of spirituality where everything is forgiven and forgotten and zeroed out, you're there, there's not much else you can do. That's the mystery of life.

It just came to me so strongly so I'm clinging to that now. It's a wonderful feeling, it releases everything, it's so good for people to be able to do that. I'm so grateful that things keep coming to me that need to be learned and proved and demonstrated. It's almost like God sitting on your shoulder, saying, you must correct this and change this or have a new viewpoint. Every time you do that your spirituality level goes up. It's the only thing important in life to me, at this stage.

I love my mommy.

Last week, when myself and the other party met face to face with our attorneys for the first time since the proceeding started, I strove mightily to go in with no chip on my shoulder. As I drove to our meeting, I prayed about finding love in my heart for this individual, for indeed we had once been close friends. And even though the person didn't do or say exactly what I would have wanted during our conference, I kept my cool and didn't take it as a fight. When our attorneys conferred privately, I struck up friendly conversation and we talked about some mutual acquaintances and how they're doing. Settlement came very quickly once we all put our cards on the table. When I realized we were all nodding "yes," I just spontaneously hugged my old friend and wept, and there was some weeping on the other side, too.

I think it's interesting that they say, "practice forgiveness," because it does take practice. Forgiveness is very powerful. It doesn't let people off the hook, but it does free your heart to love again.

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Let the kids discover

First, something amusing: God's Inbox (from TIME magazine). The link is a PDF, and I recommend printing it out if it's difficult to read onscreen. A little off color here and there, but I laughed. I suppose the only real quibble I have is the picture is saying God is a Mac user. Ha! Enjoy!

Next, on the subject of kids who don't follow the faith traditions of their families, I really liked Dennis's comment on my blog from the other day:

Sometimes the children have hit on a more perfect path for them than the one they were raised in.

I was raised Roman Catholic, but on becoming an adult, I spent many years in the Evangelical/Charismatic churches. I am now a Methodist who studies the more metaphysical ideas such as Christian Science and New Thought.

My choices were never done out of rebellion, but as a sincere attempt to follow the Spirit.

--Dennis R.

You know how when the kids were small, we were always thrilled with the discoveries they showed us? A dandelion in the seed phase that you could blow, the perfect icicle, a friendly dog. Their eyes would light up in amazement, and we would cheer them on.

I think kids need us to keep cheering them on even as they make deeper internal discoveries, even if those take them down a path we were not expecting. We're excited, for example, if a son shows a talent for photography, even if we were never photographers. We love that our daughter can run a marathon, even if there's no way we ever would. So why do we get all bent out of shape if the house of worship they choose to enter this week differs from ours?

I’m reminded of the fact that there was a time when if you were a blacksmith's son, there was no doubt you'd be a blacksmith yourself. Your very family name, i.e., "Smithson," indicated your profession as well as your relations. And for women, well, the options were marriage, motherhood, in that order, no exceptions. Rising generations had to fight to follow their dreams every step of the way against tradition and expectations. Perhaps this thing about faith tradition is the last vestige of something parents have been instinctively clinging to for centuries.

I'm not trying to downplay the genuine angst parents (myself included) feel on occasion when our kids sock it to us. But I've found that the best course for me is to face what within myself is making me react so strongly, rather than assigning to my children responsibility for my anguish. What am I so afraid of? Facing that squarely, sorting through my own internal issues first, has helped me then know what to say to them, if anything.

What spiritual discoveries are the kids making on their own? What truths are resonating with them as individuals? If we ask the questions, we may be surprised and make a few discoveries ourselves.

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My son gave me homework

I guess my son's school has assigned a project where you interview one of your parents. This kind of tickled me, so I thought I'd share my answers below. Unfortunately for him, my answers just give him more reading to do!

What if you had to answer these questions? What stories would you tell?

What spiritual stories have you had?

• Too many to count! I've had lots of spiritual experiences, you could click around the HealingStories category on my blog. Find the category here.

What challenges did you face in your journey to where you are now?

• My primary early challenge was trying to find love, and I looked for it in other humans. Eventually I came to learn that Love is God, and that's the only place I should look for it. Since then, my life has been MUCH happier. Here's a blog entry about one moment of that healing.

When you had to move, how did you travel, handle the cost, deal with change and uncertainty as well as fear and anxiety, and how did you feel and measure both challenges and rewards from it?

• Wow, totally prayer! I also thrive on change, I love it. There is no progress without change, so I embrace change as an opportunity to grow. The move to LA was especially all about trusting God. I had saved the money, but then found out I was pregnant. I made the move to a new, more expensive city by knowing that God loved both me and the new child, as well as the daughter I already had. He would take care of me as a means of taking care of the children. And, in gratitude, I straightened up my life. Once in LA, I got a high paying job in one day, an apartment in the very competitive market of Santa Monica within one week, and a car right after that. I was all set. God stayed with us the entire time we were there. I became a practitioner in LA. See a blog entry that covers this.
  

Did you feel called or inspired by God?

• You bet. All my writing feels inspired by God, as though He's got something to say to humanity and my fingers are just the ones getting it down.

How did you handle challenges of safety and well-being?

• Most of these kinds of challenges happened in LA, when I would naively go into environments that weren't safe. God would provide an angel, often in the form of another person, to protect me. And then I'd learn how to act more wisely.

Were there moments of great doubt over choices and futures?

• Actually, one of my challenges is that I *don't* feel doubt as much as other people do. I forge ahead, right into things. Sometimes this makes me have to "do over," but most of the time when I act as impelled without fear, it proves to be the right path.

What relationships sustained you? Both inside and outside of family? Did you find cheerleaders and detractors? How did you respond to each?

• My mother is my greatest cheerleader. She believes in everything I do and supports me. Except once, she was upset with me because I was getting divorced. She was afraid for my daughter. We didn't speak much for a couple years. However, when I got pregnant again (see above) she was amazing! She just dropped everything to come out to LA to take care of me. And later she took the baby for summers to give me a break. That new baby healed that relationship, and now we're closer than ever.

• Detractors I tend not to notice. In fact, I pretty much assume I'm making people angry all the time, because I do what I think is right without regard to opinion. I don't "color in the lines," so to speak, and a lot of people are bothered by that. See this blog entry for a particular story.

Did you ever experience a particularly challenging "test" of faith in your decision? Did it demand a willingness to sacrifice something precious to you?

• Funny, I was just talking about this with my mom the other day. I've never doubted Christian Science. My tests of faith have been about my own ability to practice it, not about the Science itself. One time, in getting over trying to find love in another person, I had to be willing to let go of sensuality. But what I got in return for giving it up was amazing. Here's the story.

Were there Hagar-like moments of feeling alone, without resources and supply? How did you handle such wilderness moments?

• Gratitude is the only answer to this temptation. We have all abundance from God right now, and gratitude allows us to recognize that. Here's the toothpaste story as an example.

Now, I can't wait to see his paper!

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Not dead, but sleepeth

Today I'm writing to parents who are perhaps grieving about the faith choices of their children. Holiday time can make these wounds seem fresh, even if they happened years ago.

I prayed about this over the weekend because someone I know has children who are not following the spiritual teaching she sacrificed much to give to them. Of course, she recognizes everyone's right to follow their own path, yet she mourns that the teaching that has blessed her so much is not being embraced by the ones she strove to gift with it.

It is perhaps endemic to each of us who are strongly led on a certain path to hope that our loved ones will join us on it. Yet this isn’t always the case. We strive to love each other anyway, but the separation can make us feel lonely.

I had this in mind when I read the story of Jairus' daughter (in the Bible Lesson for this week):

And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house: For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a-dying. But as he went the people thronged him.

While he yet spake, there cometh one from the ruler of the synagogue's house, saying to him, Thy daughter is dead; trouble not the Master. But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole. And when he came into the house, he suffered no man to go in, save Peter, and James, and John, and the father and the mother of the maiden. And all wept, and bewailed her: but he said, Weep not; she is not dead, but sleepeth.

And they laughed him to scorn, knowing that she was dead. And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid, arise. And her spirit came again, and she arose straightway: and he commanded to give her meat. And her parents were astonished: but he charged them that they should tell no man what was done.

--Luke

The phrase, "Weep not, she is not dead, but sleepeth," stood out to me. How many times throughout history, in fact even in some countries today, are children ostracized by their families when they leave the traditional ways? "They are dead to me," is the parent's cry, and in some places, the parents even have the right to kill the children for this infraction. Yet the story above can be seen as a metaphor of a child who is brought back, not from death but from sleep, by the Christ touch.

"She is not dead, but sleepeth." If the teaching you as a parent love so much is the truth, the only turning from it must be temporary. Even if it lasts as long as this human lifetime, all will wake to the truth at some point on their journey.

And perhaps we parents need to refine our own sense of truth, and see it as not confined to one human teaching but as indeed universal. We can go further in striving to understand what our children are being inspired by, and perhaps learn a thing or two ourselves that will help us on our own journeys.

No one is dead to Truth. Truth fills all space, touches each one of us, leads us on our way. If Truth is being rejected for a time, there's no need to mourn it like a death. Rather, watch over the dear one prayerfully as you watched over their cradle as they slept. They will wake again.

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Parenting and selfhood

Found a couple inspiring things related to parenting this week.

First, from yesterday's Dear Abby about step-parenting:

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Ashamed in the South" that many stepparents feel bad for not immediately loving their new offspring. A wonderful family psychologist gave me some advice that has helped enormously: "Think of love as an action instead of an emotion." Thereafter, I acted as if I loved my stepchild, and over the years the habit of action grew into emotion. She's long since grown, but we're good friends, and my husband often teases me about the time we spend on the phone. -- NOT-SO-WICKED STEPMOM IN OREGON

It reminds me of a passage in Matthew, which I just read the other day as part of a Gospel read-through my church is sponsoring:

A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to-day in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first.

Actions do speak louder than words. You may think you're bad in your thoughts, but you get spiritual credit for the good you do despite your thoughts. A bad thing may occur to you to do, but you refrain from doing it. This makes you good, not bad. I like the simplicity of that.

Second, some profound comments about self from Beyond Teshuva:

Parents say you cannot expect that much from today’s kids, … today you have to make more compromises, make it easier on the kids, because their selves are far more fragile. And it’s true that their selves are more fragile. But why are they more fragile? Because we are teaching them about a “self” that is not real. We are teaching our children to embrace a shallow, superficial, and skin-deep sense of self. The time has come when G-d is asking us to put the finishing touches on His “dwelling,” and the reason our selves are so fragile is because we are supposed to get rid of them. We are supposed to have G-dly souls, not egotistical selves. Our egos are so fragile because we are not supposed to have egos anymore. …

In the sixties and seventies, everyone became concerned about finding themselves, and today people are still trying to find themselves. … However, no one is succeeding in finding anything worthwhile, because there is nothing to find. They are looking for something that does not exist. The real self is G-d. That is your real self, who and what you are -- a part of G-d. There is nothing else to find, nothing else to look for.

This really resonated with me. "Finding myself" is not the goal. Losing self and finding Spirit is the goal. This somehow connected with what I learned about the will recently. I get in my own way with a sense of selfhood that doesn't truly exist. If I have the humility to understand that my only selfhood is Spirit, I am freed to fulfill all that Spirit wills for me. And, am I teaching that to my children?

I'll be chewing over these thoughts for a while. Hope you have a great weekend!

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