And there was much rejoicing

A lot of great stuff was posted yesterday in celebration of Christian Science Monitor reporter Jill Carroll’s release from her captors in Iraq.

• The Monitor’s report
• Statement from the publisher
• Statement from the editor, with the Carroll family statement following
• CNN.com report
  
• Happy Day! Jill is free! (Kim Korinek blog)
• Jill Carroll freed (Red Fork Hippie Chick)
• “This is a wonderful day” (Grits blog, on SpiritOnTheJob.com)
• Jill Carroll release (SpiritOnTheJob.com discussion)—add your thoughts

Hope you enjoy—great kickoff to the weekend!

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Divine approval

Today’s Dear Abby moved me. It’s about the nightmare problem of not having approval from your own mother.

I never had this problem, my mom is excellent (Hi, Mom!). But I’ve had friends who struggled with this, and I’ve seen the damage it can do to young people as I’ve become friends with my kids’ friends.

I have sought approval from the wrong places, however. So I just wanted to share what I learned about approval a few years back.

I was working in a high pressure job with two strong bosses, one male and one female. They, too, were both excellent. However, I brought with me some character issues that played out in this intense environment. I kept finding myself caught between the two of them. One would want one thing, and the other would want something in the opposite direction, and I would flail around trying to please them both.

It hurt me on some level that no matter what I did, I thought that one or the other of them would be angry with me. I felt I couldn’t please one without pissing off the other. This continual sense of imbalance made my days very stressful—I often thought my job was in jeopardy.

Finally, in a meeting with the female boss, I broke down. She was very patient with me, and after listening, said, You know, it’s not about pleasing him or me. It’s about pleasing God. (We talked about spirituality regularly in this workplace.)

This was a shock to me. Not about pleasing people? How else does a person keep their job? But she was right. The only way actually to succeed at this job was to do what God wanted me to do, not people.

That evening something strange happened. I went home, and for some reason, took out my journals from middle school. It just happened that I chose that evening to show them to my daughter. As I leafed through, I found an entry that said, “Mom and Dad never let me do anything! They don’t give me any say!” These were the rantings of a frustrated pre-teen, but they sounded very familiar.

And it finally crystallized for me that I’d been carrying this around for all those years. I’d been trying to assert my autonomy over authority figures throughout my life. But the beautiful thing about being a student of Christian Science is that when things like this come up, you know what to do. It was instantly clear to me that this had always been an imposition on me. It had never been my role to have to do what others thought I should do. My real job had always been to express my own unique individuality as God’s creation. If I did that, *God* would approve of me. I didn’t need anyone else to approve.

This was enormously empowering! I went back to work the next day a changed woman. As I sat in meetings or got directives, I listened through the filter of what did God want *me* to do or say. After all, only I could fulfill the role God had for me. I couldn’t wait for someone else to give me permission to do it.

I began to participate with more creative ideas, and to add value to the discussions rather than just do what was asked of me. I began to find inspiration that resolved any conflicts in instruction. I learned gradually how to communicate honestly. We became the tightest team ever, and I eventually grew into a management position myself.

Being hurt by a lack of human approval can be left behind. It is always an imposition on us, and, no matter how extreme, it’s not a permanent part of our being. The folks in Dear Abby took action in their own way, and we cheer their progress. You too, or anyone you know who is suffering from this, can leave it behind and find the real source of infinite approval—God.

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Announcing -- SpiritOnTheJob.com

You may ask yourself, what else does Laura do to keep out of trouble besides this Weblog, her practice, her editing business, raising a family and being on the board of her church? Well, she also launches Websites with her friends.

Wanted to let you all in on the ground floor of the newest project I’m a part of: SpiritOnTheJob.com. Here’s the announcement:

SpiritOnTheJob.com is a new interactive Web community for working people who want to incorporate a spiritual outlook into their careers, to improve both their workplace environments and their enterprise’s bottom line.

The site provides a real-time, non-denominational venue for workers to have meaningful conversations about work issues and how spirituality can make a positive difference. Through discussion forums, blogs, and online and offline events, workers support and encourage each other through sharing experiences and insights from their own spiritual practice. There is also a “marketplace” of classified ads for posting job openings, job-seeker resumes, services and products geared to a spiritually-oriented audience.

Corporate staff, leaders and managers, small business owners, workers on their own (self-employed, unemployed, stay-at-home parents), those in transition including retirees—all will find a comforting community providing inspiration to do their work from a spiritual basis.

I’m on board as one of the launch team, along with Mario Tosto, Chris Raymond, and Kim Proctor. I’m also contributing via a new blog, HerWork. We’re still working on the design, etc., but the site is up and functioning and now we want traffic!

So check it out, jump into the discussions, post to the Marketplace and event calendar, let me know what you think, and tell your friends. And, you can help me out also by sending along any technical difficulties that occur while using the site—we want to make the experience as smooth as possible, and your data will help.

Thanks for your continued support!

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Don't be enslaved

I’ve been on a quest lately, to figure out a good reason not to drink or smoke or do drugs. This stems from an ongoing conversation I’ve had with my Sunday school class (high school freshmen and sophomores). And I could tell that my answers to them about it weren’t that compelling.

I mean, just saying it’s unhealthy or illegal doesn’t even get their attention. They’ve been told that since kindergarten. As one guy told me, “They tell us how great it is, and how much we’ll want to do it, then they just say, it’s illegal so don’t.” No wonder, as I’m finding, just about *every* kid in our society tries this stuff at some point.

We did the strait path/wide path thing the other week, and that had some traction. But I still wasn’t happy—it wasn’t *convincing* in the way I wanted to be. If this is really such a big deal, if doing drugs etc. is really bad, there has got to be some way to present this fact to young people so that they’ll internalize the message.

Well, this week, I had an experience that opened my eyes some. I sat with a friend who I love dearly as they struggled with tobacco withdrawal. They’d made up their mind to quit a few weeks before, and had gone back and forth, stopping for a few days then lighting up. This night, though, it had been five days without a cigarette. I was determined to help them get through the hump.

So we sat together and I just watched. This person alternately got mad at me, at the people they’d seen that day, at the book they were trying to read, at their family, at the world in general. All I could see was suffering. But, as I prayed, I also knew this wasn’t them. Their true being is free from addiction, and it was time they lived that freedom. In fact, at one point, I asked my friend what they most wanted. The answer: Freedom.

And this has led me to what I think is the most convincing argument about the issue. You think you’re free when you try it, meaning you can flout laws or your family’s values or what you’ve been told in school. This feels like freedom, but it’s a sham. In actuality, by being fooled into trying it, you’re being enslaved. Then you’re in the grip of the thing, and you’ve got to work to get free. The irony is you were free to begin with and you gave it away.

This crystallized for me when I read this passage from Science and Health last week (it was in the lesson):

The enslavement of man is not legitimate. It will cease when man enters into his heritage of freedom, his God-given dominion over the material senses. Mortals will some day assert their freedom in the name of Almighty God. Then they will control their own bodies through the understanding of divine Science. Dropping their present beliefs, they will recognize harmony as the spiritual reality and discord as the material unreality.

--228:11

I’d never read this passage from the point of view of fighting addition before. I think it absolutely applies. You have freedom by refraining. You control your own body by understanding, not by giving your will over to a chemical. Freedom and drug abuse can’t occupy the same space.

So this time, I asked my kids in Sunday school, “Do you want to be free or enslaved?” And this time, they got it.

p.s., My friend is almost at two weeks now, and going strong.

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Five Love Languages

Read a great book that a friend recommended over the last week or so—The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

I love books like this, where it’s just all practical information rather than psychoanalysis. Chapman doesn’t try to explain *why* we might prefer a particular expression of love, he just says, Here’s what they are, now try it.

The five love languages he describes are:

• Words of Affirmation: using words that build up
• Quality Time: giving your undivided attention
• Receiving Gifts: giving tokens of love, large or small
• Acts of Service: doing things you know they’d like
• Physical Touch: loving physical contact and affection

Chapman is saying that in order to ignite feelings of love in a relationship, especially marriage, it’s helpful to find out what your partner’s love language is and strive to speak that language. If you’re telling a spouse all the time how much you love them and how great they are, but Words of Affirmation isn’t their love language, it won’t make them feel loved. If Acts of Service, such as doing the dishes or mowing the lawn, is their love language, you’d do better to start doing those things.

Of course, we probably all like all of these to some degree, but I discovered there is one that particularly resonates with me. And actually, some of the others irritate me if poured on too thick. When I’m “spoken” to in the love language that means the most to me, I feel it differently.

Chapman’s ideas are based not only on his own observations as a marriage counselor, but on his faith. At one point in his own journey when his marriage was going through a rough patch, he turned to his Christian faith. He writes:

Examining the historical accounts of Christ’s birth, life, death, and resurrection, I came to view His death as an expression of love and His resurrection as a profound evidence of His power. I became a true “believer.” I committed my life to Him and have found that He provides the inner spiritual energy to love, even when love is not reciprocated. I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” That is love’s ultimate expression. …

If it were possible, I would hand this book [his own] personally to every married couple in this country and say, “I wrote this for you. I hope it changes your life. And if it does, be sure to give it to someone else.”

To me, Chapman’s book is revealing a deeper way of following the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I’ve always felt it’s simplistic to simply do to others what you’d literally want done for you. To really obey that dictum, you’d need to find out enough about the other person to know what they’d like, which ultimately *is* what you’d want them to do for you.

So now I’m on a mission to find out which of these love languages are the most meaningful to those I love, especially my children. My daughter’s fairly simple, my son’s a bit more complicated. But in the same way God’s love for me has come to me in specific ways that have made me feel especially loved, I’d like my expressions of love to my children to be meaningful to them.

And it’s fun to remember those times when I got it right and filled their “love tanks” (as Chapman calls it) successfully.

What’s your love language?

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The whole Truth

Kiran wrote this in response to my posting about Truth the other day:

Most of the followers of vedantic philosophy follow advait vedant which literally means non dualism. It says the consciousness in a human being described as "Chaitanya" is the manifestation of the supreme spiritual power of the universe described as "Brhma Chaitanya", in the human body. They are essentially one & same. It is the curtain of this physical mundane world, the "Maya" which separates our consciousness from the supreme consciousness. Breaking this curtain, the "Mayabheda", & realising the manifestation of supreme spirit in our body is the ultimate goal of human life. When one realizes & harbours this whole & absolute truth in one's mind, the person achieves "Sat Chit Ananda", a state of eternal bliss & happiness. This is done by a practise of meditation which teaches our mind to shift its focus from unrealistic external physical world to more realistic & fulfilling internal world. On realizing this truth one elevates oneself to a whole new platform of super consciousness & the truth manifests itself. So this is "The Truth" which one should seek.

Let me know your view on this.

So I replied:

Hi, Kiran!

I think you're saying something in another way that is also a part of the teachings of Christian Science. This makes sense to me:

"This is done by a practise of meditation which teaches our mind to shift its focus from unrealistic external physical world to more realistic & fulfilling internal world. On realizing this truth one elevates oneself to a whole new platform of super conciousness & the truth manifests itself. So this is 'The Truth' which one should seek."

Christian Science teaches how to do this through prayer. To me, Truth is an actual Being, a conscious Creator, indeed God Himself. God is Truth. So when I'm finding out more about Truth, I'm finding out more about God. And that, in turn, allows me to find out more about myself as God's image and likeness.

Truth is also Love, Mind, Spirit. These concepts express the totality of God. Not an anthropomorphic being, but divine Spirit.

Does that make sense? Thanks so much for your comments!

Laura

These passages from Science and Health are meaning a lot to me this week:

Truth brings the elements of liberty. On its banner is the Soul-inspired motto, "Slavery is abolished." The power of God brings deliverance to the captive. No power can withstand divine Love. What is this supposed power, which opposes itself to God? Whence cometh it? What is it that binds man with iron shackles to sin, sickness, and death? Whatever enslaves man is opposed to the divine government. Truth makes man free.

--224:28

The enslavement of man is not legitimate. It will cease when man enters into his heritage of freedom, his God-given dominion over the material senses. Mortals will some day assert their freedom in the name of Almighty God. Then they will control their own bodies through the understanding of divine Science. Dropping their present beliefs, they will recognize harmony as the spiritual reality and discord as the material unreality.

--228:11

Any other thoughts?

Have a great weekend!

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Unconditional Love

I’m learning a bit more about unconditional love these days. I was talking about it with my daughter last night (she’s home from school), and our conversation crystallized some aspects of it.

I’ve generally thought that unconditional love means a sort of blissful unawareness of the loved object’s faults. Meaning, we just don’t see the problems, so we love constantly and consistently. But I’ve experienced something quite different lately.

Now, I would define unconditional love as: Continuing to love a person when you just don’t like them very much.

And the *only* way I’ve found I can do this at all is by knowing what Love is, the Love that is divine Spirit, and knowing that the person’s external actions that are mean or grouchy aren’t the final word on who they are as expressions of Love. I can’t imagine being able to love unconditionally if I thought the external *was* the real and final.

This may sound very rudimentary to you out there who have understood this from day one. Do you ever find on your spiritual journey that you often have to go back to basics and learn those lessons more deeply? It seems like I’ve been learning about Love my whole life, but I never “graduate” so to speak to complete knowledge. There’s always more to learn and explore and demonstrate.

And, are you ever stumbling along when you come face to face with a moment when you realize you have to love unconditionally *right then*? It’s like time stands still and you have a choice to make. And no matter what’s happening around you, you control your own experience by choosing to love with understanding rather than react with anger or impatience.

A few weeks ago, my son did this for me. I was upset and being very verbal about it. He kept quiet as I spewed. He told me later, though, that he’d realized there was nothing else he could do but love me. He said that no matter what I was saying, he was thinking, “I love you, Mom.” We’re learning together, he and I.

To me, times like that feel like the whole world is a movie playing out before me and I’m just watching it but deciding how I feel. I’m not sucked into it, I’m separate from it mentally and am simply witnessing and thinking my own thoughts. It’s a strange feeling for one who wants to fully engage all the time. It’s detached, but not disengaged really. It’s engagement in a different form.

My daughter and I talked about this passage last night:

Human affection is not poured forth vainly, even though it meet no return. Love enriches the nature, enlarging, purifying, and elevating it. The wintry blasts of earth may uproot the flowers of affection, and scatter them to the winds; but this severance of fleshly ties serves to unite thought more closely to God, for Love supports the struggling heart until it ceases to sigh over the world and begins to unfold its wings for heaven.

--Science and Health

We gain something from loving like this. It’s just a matter of doing it.

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Naked Truth

Watched the new movie Good Night, and Good Luck the other night, the film about Edward R. Murrow’s taking a stand against McCarthyism. In the DVD extras, there is a commentary filled with quotations from Murrow. I especially loved this one:

Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit.

--Edward R. Murrow

This resonated with me, given my recent wrestlings with Truth. To me, he’s talking about human truth, that is, the factual depiction of human events and ideas.

I suppose it’s really impossible to be 100% honest with each other, not because we withhold things but because there’s so much detail to report that we literally can’t tell everything.

And some things you just don’t want to speak about. You’re dealing with them in your own way but don’t necessarily want everyone to hear all the time about what’s top of mind. You’ve got to work it out before you can speak about it, if you ever do. So you may be cranky or exhausted and it may come out in irritation that has nothing to do with the events at hand but is because of what’s on your mind. Yet you still can’t really explain to those around you.

It seems to me that love in that case is giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Knowing that we’re all doing our best, and cutting each other some slack. We each have full and eventful lives, after all. Moment to moment, we have no idea what particular atom of activity is top of mind to our friends or colleagues. So to respond with equanimity no matter what is the generous response we can give each other.

This is all on the human level, of course. Where the human meets the divine, where the Christ influence makes a difference, is in how we invite Truth to the table.

Christ, Truth, tells the whole story. No detail is left out when we explore reality from a spiritual perspective. I can know, for example, that the person beside me is rooted and grounded in Love, is the expression of Mind, is filled with Spirit, is governed by Principle. I don’t have to know the details of their human experience to know the spiritual reality of their being. I can sit, and love them, even as they’re refraining from telling me what’s on their mind or acting distant or upset. I don’t have to force the issue of disclosure when I have Truth at my right hand.

This is a new thing for me, and it’s making me hold my tongue in instances when I would have pried until my fingers bled. But just being present with someone yesterday made a difference. Literally just sitting calmly beside them and knowing the Truth about them was the only course of action I could take, even though clearly there were many human details not being revealed and the ones that did come out exploded like cannon fire. Gradually it shifted though, to a more peaceful interaction and even some smiles.

I’m with Pilate these days in asking, “What is Truth?” I’m daily sorting it from honesty or physical fact. The Christ is answering me in surprising ways. I’m finding Truth in action. As Truth guides my actions, I’m gaining a startling new perspective. It’s lonely and exhilarating and feels like a crucible. But I know it won’t leave me comfortless.

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Community -- scary

Well, the church meeting last night went well. We have a big decision to make, and we did make progress toward a resolution. Step-by-step.

I continue to review the role of church in my life. I’m in a leadership role at this point, and it’s taking a lot of effort. Not so much human effort, since I’m a master delegator, but mental effort. Sometimes it’s like swimming through Jello.

An article in the most recent Relevant Magazine brought me some new ideas: “Plugging in: why community is hard to define and even harder to find.” In it, the author Cameron Conant asks his friend Ben Irwin what community is all about. Ben’s response:

“My mind first goes to what it’s not. I think we’ve thought that community is getting a bunch of strangers together in a small group to share their deepest, darkest secrets rather than a group of people who are on some level experiencing life together.”

People experiencing life together. Huh. Am I willing to let others into my life and to make myself available for them?

Cameron goes on to say, “My problem is that I want all the advantages of community and none of the obligations. Community is hard work. … Community is the slow marinade of experiences and personalities that refuses to be cooked on high for two minutes. Relationships take time.”

That slow marinade sometimes feels more like rotisserie. I have to check my impatience and witticisms at the door to make it through some of these meetings. I sacrifice myself, or what I conceptualize as my individual uniqueness, to participate in the harmony of the whole.

Cameron’s friend Ben also said, “There once wasn’t a sense of an individual apart from the community. Look at Paul’s description of the Church as a body—not each person as a body, but each person as a part of the body. When one part rejoices, the whole body rejoices; when one part suffers, the whole body suffers. We don’t know what that’s like.”

I’d say we share in each other’s joys more or less at my church, but we don’t often share in each others’ suffering. And this keeps the joy-sharing superficial. But the alternative scares me—do I really want to make myself available for the suffering of others, to really companion with them on *that* journey? I’m starting to realize, though, that’s it’s not community unless I do.

Losing a sense of self and opening up to genuine connection. Without those, there is no community. You may have a group of people who are working on something together, but no richness of caring or intimacy.

I think I want that richness. To get it, I’m going to have to face that which I fear. And I may find that community has been there all along.

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Truth and trustworthiness

I love this response to my posting on Friday:

Kiran Paranjape said...

Excellent post.
This concept is known to me. Ancient vedantic scriptures ask us to put our absolute faith in god which described as all-pervading truth of the universe. If somebody trusts me its my trust in god which comes back to me through that person.

Boy, has that gotten me thinking.

I used to think that trustworthiness comes from *my* being honest, or from people being able to rely on *me.* Kiran’s comment has shined the light for me on something I’d never considered: it’s my trust in God that makes me trustworthy.

People can rely on me when I’m relying on God. In fact, they should *only* rely on me when I’m relying on God.

This is huge for me, since I’m self-reliant to a fault. I’ve always felt *I* have to get things done, *I* have to make things right. And I’ve been disappointed in others who are “unreliable” because I’ve expected or demanded that they do things they couldn't or wouldn't do. When I instead rely on God, the whole equation changes.

Now, I’m reading these passages from Mary Baker Eddy with new eyes:

In Hebrew, Greek, Latin, and English, faith and the words corresponding thereto have these two definitions, trustfulness and trustworthiness. One kind of faith trusts one's welfare to others. Another kind of faith understands divine Love and how to work out one's "own salvation, with fear and trembling." "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!" expresses the helplessness of a blind faith; whereas the injunction, "Believe ... and thou shalt be saved!" demands self-reliant trustworthiness, which includes spiritual understanding and confides all to God.

--23:21

Trustworthiness is the foundation of enlightened faith. Without a fitness for holiness, we cannot receive holiness.

--15:30

Good Lord, I’m finally seeing… I always thought I was trustworthy, but now I realize I’ve been more in the trustfulness camp, meaning I’ve been trusting my welfare to others, and wanting them to trust their welfare to me. I’ve been allowing what others do or say or not do or say to affect my wellbeing, and been thinking that I have the same power over them. At least I’ve mostly wanted to do good, but even still, I need instead to see that God is the source of all good, not me. “Self-reliant trustworthiness,” Eddy says, includes “spiritual understanding and confides all to God.” All to God!

And then in the second passage above, Eddy is linking trustworthiness to holiness. Wow.

This is much food for thought. Truth is the Rock, and upon this Rock we must build our Church. (I have an important church meeting tonight, so this is even better timing.)

I’m so grateful to be drawing closer to the concept of Truth these days. It’s been an elusive concept for me, but is becoming clearer.

p.s. thanks, Mommy, too, for “Thou art Truth’s honest child…” it’s singing in my heart.

p.p.s. to my subscribers: occasionally bloglet will have a glitch that prevents the email notification from going out. You should get notices Tuesday through Saturday about my postings Monday through Friday. If you ever miss a day, please feel free to let me know and I’ll check the bloglet settings.

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Trusting when things look bad

I’m in a situation now with a family member where things simply seem to be getting worse. Every time I think things are getting better, I find out new information that derails progress and forces me to take stronger action.

Yet I’m cheerful most of the time, and in the last few weeks have learned to process the new information without anger or hurt. How? In a word, trust.

It seemed impossible at first. Trust is the issue with this other person; I can’t rely on anything coming out of their mouth. I was completely rattled and felt forsaken. It was my singular obsession for several exhausting days.

But a friend encouraged me to take it higher. To place my trust not in people, but in divine Truth itself.

Turning to divine Truth in moments of stress instead of hoping for and relying on human honesty has made a difference. The Bible says, “There is nothing covered that shall not be revealed.” The person involved has been unable to tell the truth, but now I’ve seen that that doesn’t mean I won’t find out what I need to know. Human facts are revealed by the light of divine Truth.

It’s kind of what I learned some time ago about Love. Love is not created by people, but flows through people. Now I’m coming to find out that Truth is the same way. Truth cannot be denied. No human lie can cover it up. Truth “will out.”

So my prayer has ceased being about the other person changing. It’s now a deep trust that what I need to know I will know, and I can let go of the rest.

And, uncomfortably so for the other person, I am finding things out despite their best efforts to suppress information. Sometimes we laugh about it, when we’re not crying. But my feeling of security is rising daily even as the information is not changing, just because I feel the presence of Truth guiding us every moment. “Resistance is futile,” to quote Star Trek.

When I think about the suffering the other person might have ahead of them if they don’t learn what they need to learn, I’m comforted by this simple spiritual concept:

Truth spares all that is true.

--Science and Health

All that will ever be lost is this false image of a lying, at-risk person. All that is real and good about this person is spared, is in fact permanent. I get to stand, right at the nexus, and see both the evil to be destroyed and the unchanged perfect child of God, of Truth. It’s my privilege to fill that role right now. And I tell you, I couldn’t do it without Truth.

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Set the Sabbath feature

Inspiration is everywhere, at least for me. I’m finally reading the instruction manual of the Kenmore oven I got last summer, and there it is: the Sabbath feature.

Once the oven is properly set using Bake with the Sabbath feature active, the oven will remain continuously ON until cancelled. This will override the factory preset 12-Hour Energy Saving feature.

If the oven light will be needed during the Sabbath, press the button on the keypad before activating the Sabbath feature. Once the oven light is turned ON and the Sabbath feature is active, the oven light will remain ON until the Sabbath feature is turned OFF. If the oven light needs to be OFF, be sure to turn the oven light OFF before activating the Sabbath feature.

You get the idea. I love that the oven literally can’t be turned back on if the power goes off while it’s set for the Sabbath, nor do any but three of the buttons work. The manual also references the Star-K.org site, which I’m enjoying browsing through. Especially this page of personal “keeping kosher” stories.

So I’m now thinking, what does Sabbath mean to me? I’m very far from keeping the Sabbath in any traditional sense, although I do teach Sunday school every week. Is there more to it, could I do more with it? You’ll recall my friend Steve said keeping the Sabbath was one of the most meaningful parts of his spiritual path.

Maybe it’s kind of a one-seventh thing. Like, if I spend one-seventh of my waking hours on specific devotion, such as prayer or study. I more or less do this daily. But is that the same thing as setting aside an entire day each week? Probably not. Probably there’s something special about going through your daily schedule devoted only to God, where on other days it’s business as usual.

So I’m going to “set the Sabbath feature” this weekend. I’m marking off this Sunday (that’s the day it is in my home) as Sabbath. The whole day. I have no idea what that will mean. I may start with trying to get all my work done before I go to bed on Saturday, and then rise up, expectant. I wonder what will happen?

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Happiness tips

A friend sent me a link to an article about Harvard’s Positive Psychology class, which basically teaches happiness. Nice concept, and very popular at the school apparently. (You can read the article if you have access to The Boston Globe's Website.)

I think happiness is extremely important. Once we’ve got food, air, shelter and clothing, happiness is the next essential. Without it, we’re constantly fixating on unhappiness, and this can stall us out spiritually, emotionally, professionally.

One of my favorite things about the chapter Marriage in Science and Health is its emphasis on happiness. Many of us familiar with that chapter have noticed that the word or one related to it is on every page, in many cases multiple times. Happiness, enjoyment, joy, etc. Mary Baker Eddy really makes it one of the keys to a successful marriage, indeed any relationship.

So I don’t think it’s just a shallow “I feel good” kind of thing. Happiness to me is an ongoing confidence, a radiant cheer that extends out from ourselves to everyone we meet. Sometimes I’ve heard it called “positive energy,” as in, “that person has such positive energy.” When your own happiness is a done deal, it’s so much easier to share it.

The end of the article about Harvard’s class has some “happiness tips” from instructor Tal D. Ben-Shahar that I’m putting here in full because I thought it would be interesting to include some of Eddy’s words in comparison. (The tips are the bullets; passages cited are from Science and Health.)

• Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.

Emerge gently from matter into Spirit. Think not to thwart the spiritual ultimate of all things, but come naturally into Spirit through better health and morals and as the result of spiritual growth.

--485:14-17

Who that has felt the loss of human peace has not gained stronger desires for spiritual joy? The aspiration after heavenly good comes even before we discover what belongs to wisdom and Love. The loss of earthly hopes and pleasures brightens the ascending path of many a heart. The pains of sense quickly inform us that the pleasures of sense are mortal and that joy is spiritual.

--265:23

Gladness to leave the false landmarks and joy to see them disappear, — this disposition helps to precipitate the ultimate harmony.

--324:2-4

• Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

Job said: "I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth Thee." Mortals will echo Job's thought, when the supposed pain and pleasure of matter cease to predominate. They will then drop the false estimate of life and happiness, of joy and sorrow, and attain the bliss of loving unselfishly, working patiently, and conquering all that is unlike God.

--262:17-23

The sinless joy, — the perfect harmony and immortality of Life, possessing unlimited divine beauty and goodness without a single bodily pleasure or pain, — constitutes the only veritable, indestructible man, whose being is spiritual.

--76:22-26

The rich in spirit help the poor in one grand brotherhood, all having the same Principle, or Father; and blessed is that man who seeth his brother's need and supplieth it, seeking his own in another's good.

--518:15-19

• Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

Stand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously.

--392:24-27

Upon this stage of existence goes on the dance of mortal mind. Mortal thoughts chase one another like snowflakes, and drift to the ground. Science reveals Life as not being at the mercy of death, nor will Science admit that happiness is ever the sport of circumstance.

--250:28

Harmony is produced by its Principle, is controlled by it and abides with it. Divine Principle is the Life of man. Man's happiness is not, therefore, at the disposal of physical sense.

--304:16

Soul has infinite resources with which to bless mankind, and happiness would be more readily attained and would be more secure in our keeping, if sought in Soul.

--60:29

• Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.

Unselfish ambition, noble life-motives, and purity, — these constituents of thought, mingling, constitute individually and collectively true happiness, strength, and permanence.

--58:7

Spiritual development germinates not from seed sown in the soil of material hopes, but when these decay, Love propagates anew the higher joys of Spirit, which have no taint of earth.

--66:11-14

Truth will at length compel us all to exchange the pleasures and pains of sense for the joys of Soul.

--390:9

• Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.

If we look to the body for pleasure, we find pain; for Life, we find death; for Truth, we find error; for Spirit, we find its opposite, matter. Now reverse this action. Look away from the body into Truth and Love, the Principle of all happiness, harmony, and immortality. Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.

--260:31

Sorrow is turned into joy when the body is controlled by spiritual Life, Truth, and Love.

--14:16-18

• Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it.

--3:22

Are we really grateful for the good already received? Then we shall avail ourselves of the blessings we have, and thus be fitted to receive more. Gratitude is much more than a verbal expression of thanks. Action expresses more gratitude than speech.

--57:18

These happiness tips are effective, especially if taken to a more spiritual level. I’ve enjoyed exploring this issue this morning -- today’s definitely a day to be happy.

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What do you want to be known for?

Went to the memorial service for the church member who passed on last week. Always an introspective time for me.

The family gave beautiful tributes to their husband/father. They remembered so many details, which brought smiles to all our faces and sometimes hearty laughter. What a wonderful family.

I left thinking, I wonder what my kids would say about me? Some of the details, if they were brutally honest, wouldn’t make people smile. But I hope time and healing will bring us where this family arrived, to a place of love and joy.

When I’m interviewing people for the articles or Websites I write about them, I bring out this question to get the conversation going: What do you want to be known for? This always makes people stop and think. I wind up with great material for the tone and content of whatever it is I’m writing.

So, what do I want to be known for? I’ve not asked myself this recently. Career Warfare recommends asking yourself this question in order to develop a “personal brand,” but I think it applies to life as well as career.

In no particular order, I want to be known for:

• being a good parent
• being a devoted daughter and loving sister
• being helpful to those who need help
• professional ethics
• making the world a better place
• labor that bears fruit
• friendships that last for decades

I could go on and on, and will think about this more. Career Warfare made the point that once you figure out what you want to be known for, you need to live by those ideals. Every time you don’t act according to your ideals, you erode your brand.

Well, I don’t think the person whose life we celebrated last night thought in those terms. But he certainly did seem to live by a code of ethics and joy that blessed his family and community.

I feel the need today to rededicate to my own ideals, and to live according to them more consistently. This is not about changing who I am, but about realizing more fully the ideal creation God made. And about dropping those things that don’t coincide with that ideal. Now’s the time.

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Eating well

Today I want to recommend my friend Kim Korinek’s blog, and a specific entry about eating.

Wonder why food is such a huge issue anyway? I mean, it always has been, throughout human history. Too much food, not enough food, food as love, food as status, food as vice, food as communion.

Maybe it’s just because apparently it’s so essential to survival, but unlike things like breathing, the raw materials necessary require a great deal of work to produce. Housing is another one like that, but once you have housing you’re set for a while. Food is something we have to re-get on an ongoing basis.

So that means we have to re-think our interaction with food on an ongoing basis. It’s never static, or at least it hasn’t been for me. I’m finding new things to delight me about food all the time, and hearing new things to frighten me. What’s good? What’s bad? How much enjoyment is too much?

I love what the Bible says about this. Here’s a passage from The Message paraphrase:

... Eat anything sold in the butcher shop ... ; you don't have to run an "idolatry test" on every item. "The earth," after all, "is God's, and everything in it." That "everything" certainly includes the leg of lamb in the butcher shop. If a nonbeliever invites you to dinner and you feel like going, to ahead and enjoy yourself; eat everything placed before you. It would be both bad manners and bad spirituality to cross-examine your host on the ethical purity of each course as it is served. On the other hand, if he goes out of his way to tell you that this or that was sacrificed to god or goddess so-and-so, you should pass. Even though you may be indifferent as to where it came from, he isn't, and you don't want to send mixed messages to him about who *you* are worshipping. ... So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you -- you're eating to God's glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory.

--I Corinthians 10

This reminds me of a time when I was visiting New York City about ten years ago. When wandering through SoHo, a friend and I found a Japanese art gallery. Not one of the people manning the gallery spoke English, but they were so welcoming and loving.

We looked and admired, and then noticed they were setting something up on the floor nearby. With gestures, they invited us to join them. We sat, and an elegant ceremony took place. They showed us how to move the cups and what to do with each little unrecognizable food item. Then, they offered me a steaming cup of strangely scented unusually colored liquid.

Now, I’ve always been very careful about what I ingest in the sense of caffeine and alcohol. I avoid both, just because I never developed a taste for them and don’t want to start now. My friend knew this, and smiling, watched me closely. She was also clueless as to what the liquid was, but had no inhibitions about trying it.

I looked at the welcoming happy faces of my Japanese hosts, and realized it just didn’t matter in this setting what the liquid was. These folks were sharing so effortlessly with us, with such humility, there was no way I would refuse their offering. So, I drank.

You’ll laugh to find out this was my first encounter with green tea. But it’s stayed with me as a moment I’m actually proud of. I’d been to many parties where I’d refused the wine offered, I hope without undue rudeness. But this time I put aside my inhibitions and “rules” for the sake of my hosts.

I guess my point is, that food is best when it’s linked with Love. When it’s an offering of Love to each other, a communal bonding. Yet, how seldom do we eat or drink that way?



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The link of prayer

Found an inspiring site yesterday, you may have seen it as the link I used for Mary Baker Eddy’s poem.

This entire site is worth exploring. It’s called World Prayers, and you can even suggest a prayer. I like their design, too, and their mission.

Just found the Daily Prayer by Eddy on their site. I can’t read that prayer without being transported back to reciting it out loud over breakfast at Cedars Camps, with the smell of maple syrup for the pancakes and the promise of a joy-filled day.

And it’s making me think, what is the power of specific words to move us beyond what we’re facing at the moment? I can’t believe it’s the words themselves, but perhaps their familiarity plays a part. Perhaps as they wash over a groove in our thinking, all the times the words have helped us come back. Perhaps the strong positive associative memories attached to the rhythm and cadence of the words evokes that feeling of comfort and peace. I’ve been known to regain calm merely by running my eyes over a familiar psalm.

Yet of course I know I have to go beyond merely reading or hearing the words. It’s the ideas that make a prayer immortal. “I shall not want” is still a startling reminder for me, no matter how many times I think on it. But I’ve come to trust those words, trust their truth, because so many times their essence has proved true.

These prayers that have come down through the years to our waiting ears have that element to them. They are trusted concepts. Their inherent truth has been proven over time by countless desperate, lonely, frightened people. This too lends the words power—their very effectiveness attaches to the concepts and communicates comfort and hope.

And every day people are creating new prayers, making the concepts their own and applying them in their own lives. The prayers become new in new contexts and situations, still gaining power and momentum yet fitting the ever varied circumstances of whatever the present day brings.

We are linked with the great thinkers of old as we enact their prayers in our lives today. That’s an awesome concept itself.

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The "process of weaning"

This is kind of fun, a blog reader Emily pointed out a confluence of themes between her blog and mine, so check out this entry in hers in relation to mine yesterday. She’s weaning herself from corporate-affiliated shopping.

I really like her blog. Here’s another entry from hers about her goldfish, which she has since christened Lazarus.

Her sentence, “I took his sudden reappearance as a message from God: That which the world would give up for dead is very much alive,” is comforting me today, on the heels of hearing that a long-time fellow church member passed on a few days ago.

The bitter pill that everything about this mortal universe dies is so compensated by the reality that Life itself is everlasting. And that nothing good is ever extinguished even if what we see and hear here is no longer animate. Good is linked to God, the Divine, who does not end or sleep.

And so many things seem to die, not just people. A job, a relationship, a house—we’re often parted from things unwillingly or before we think we’re ready. I’ve come to think of that as simply the nature of this mortal seeming. These forced separations cause us to face the reality of matter’s unreality. For if something is truly real, it is eternal. If it’s temporary, it’s not really real anyway so being parted from it is no loss.

And here’s where the logic of something Mary Baker Eddy wrote becomes clear. “Loss is gain,” a phrase from one of her poems, raised some cynical jibes from my brother as his journey led him away from the study of Christian Science. But I still think she’s right, and now, some years later, I think he’d agree. We cannot hope to gain spiritually if we cling to the material, so the forced disappointment with matter’s loss causes us to seek something higher.

Here’s more from Eddy:

The sharp experiences of belief in the supposititious life of matter, as well as our disappointments and ceaseless woes, turn us like tired children to the arms of divine Love. Then we begin to learn Life in divine Science. Without this process of weaning, "Canst thou by searching find out God?"

--Science and Health

Weaning ourselves from matter. Emily’s doing it by changing her shopping habits. My brother is continuing his Christian walk, and has become a person I go to for prayerful support. The surviving spouse of the church member is now being called to see her husband as free from matter. I hope I can be a help to her in the coming months.

How am I weaning myself today?

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Pleasure is a transaction

I’ve been thinking a lot about pleasure lately, the draw that makes us do things just because they feel good or are fun. My list might include: Agatha Christie, ice cream sundaes, Lost. We all have our own lists.

It occurred to me that pleasure is a transaction. Pleasure, frankly, is something you get. The event itself is unidirectional. But the only real way to understand what’s going on there, I think, is to figure out what you’re giving in return. Because you’re always giving something.

Like my current fixation on Lost. The show is providing me pleasure. What I am giving is mental space. The creators of the show are getting my attention, even my admiration. The stars of the show are getting my vote on their watchability. And, the show’s creators are getting whatever fee is involved with my renting the DVD from Netflix, so I guess that’s my contribution to the cha-ching.

My point is there is a transaction taking place. They give me pleasure, and whether I know it or not, I’m giving something as well. What I want is to be more alert to *what* I’m giving and making sure I do actually want to be giving that.

Human pleasure always requires something of us. In a more aggressive example such as drug abuse, the momentary high cannot possibly balance out with the extreme cost. In money, in self-respect, in futures destroyed. For the person using drugs *is* giving, giving so much that they may self-destruct. And the people providing drugs do not stop taking. They know they’re getting way more than they’re giving.

This, to me, could be a strong working definition of evil. Evil: To know you’re getting more than you’re giving, yet continuing to do so.

This is where to me, pleasure becomes a moral choice. Do I have the self-control to take only when I’m happy to give at least as much as I’m getting? Do I have the self-respect to give only when I’m being equally blessed?

Of course, there’s a step beyond the moral choice. What happens when I reorient my choices to include the Divine? What about working outside the transactional metaphor entirely? What about doing everything to please God?

What happens to a life devoted to pleasing God? Even with the meager thread of serving God that I have running through my life, I’ve seen that when I’m the most unselfed and service-oriented, the results have been beyond anything I ever imagined. The direct benefits to me have been enormous; the satisfaction of being a part of blessing others enriching. And that’s just a thread. An entire life this way would open the floodgates I think.

When I’m at my best, there is no other pleasure than serving God. Genuine service turns every day into Christmas, for God blesses His servants in surprising and unique ways. You can’t be doing it expecting this blessing however. The feeling of pleasure needs to come at the moment of giving, of seeing the delight or comfort in another’s eyes or from doing the right thing. That moment turns the transactional nature of human pleasure on its head, for when giving itself becomes its own pleasure, you’re treading on holy ground.

So, I’m examining my pleasures. What am I giving? What am I getting? How can I uplift the moments to bless the days?

Some thoughts on pleasure, from Science and Health and the Bible:

Every supposed pleasure in sin will furnish more than its equivalent of pain, until belief in material life and sin is destroyed.

--6:12-14

Who will stop the practice of sin so long as he believes in the pleasures of sin? When mortals once admit that evil confers no pleasure, they turn from it. Remove error from thought, and it will not appear in effect.

--39:31-2

The sinless joy, — the perfect harmony and immortality of Life, possessing unlimited divine beauty and goodness without a single bodily pleasure or pain, — constitutes the only veritable, indestructible man, whose being is spiritual.

--76:22-26

Every sensuous pleasure or pain is self-destroyed through suffering.

--224:7-8

Selfishness and sensualism are educated in mortal mind by the thoughts ever recurring to one's self, by conversation about the body, and by the expectation of perpetual pleasure or pain from it; and this education is at the expense of spiritual growth. If we array thought in mortal vestures, it must lose its immortal nature.

--260:24

If we look to the body for pleasure, we find pain; for Life, we find death; for Truth, we find error; for Spirit, we find its opposite, matter. Now reverse this action. Look away from the body into Truth and Love, the Principle of all happiness, harmony, and immortality. Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.

--260:31

Spiritual sense, contradicting the material senses, involves intuition, hope, faith, understanding, fruition, reality. Material sense expresses the belief that mind is in matter. This human belief, alternating between a sense of pleasure and pain, hope and fear, life and death, never reaches beyond the boundary of the mortal or the unreal. When the real is attained, which is announced by Science, joy is no longer a trembler, nor is hope a cheat.

--298:13-20

Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

--Luke 12:32

if now I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand: for therefore I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.

--Gen 33:10 if

This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

--Matt 3:17 This

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Wisdom

Today it’s time to share a Weblog I find inspiring: this one by Kiran Paranjape. It’s translations of Sanskrit quotes, with commentary. (Scroll past the Google ads to see the content.)

I find something peaceful about reading words of ancient wisdom. Humankind has been exploring meaning and inspiration for millennia. There have been wise and centered men and women before me, and there will be more after me. I just sometimes wonder what I need to do to become one of them.

I wonder too if the men and women who left us this rich legacy of inspired words *felt* wise while they were going through the experiences that made them wise. Because I so seldom feel wise about what I’m going through at the moment. It’s when I look back, sometimes from quite a distance, that I can see the wisdom I gained.

So here are a few thoughts from Science and Health on experience and wisdom. They are comforting me today.

Progress is born of experience.

--296:4 (only)

God is not separate from the wisdom He bestows. The talents He gives we must improve.

--6:5-7

To hold yourself superior to sin, because God made you superior to it and governs man, is true wisdom.

--231:20-21

Each succeeding year unfolds wisdom, beauty, and holiness.

--246:25

All substance, intelligence, wisdom, being, immortality, cause, and effect belong to God. These are His attributes, the eternal manifestations of the infinite divine Principle, Love. No wisdom is wise but His wisdom; no truth is true, no love is lovely, no life is Life but the divine; no good is, but the good God bestows.

--275:14

No mortal mind has the might or right or wisdom to create or to destroy. All is under the control of the one Mind, even God.

--544:14-17

At all times and under all circumstances, overcome evil with good. Know thyself, and God will supply the wisdom and the occasion for a victory over evil.

--571:15-18

The Serenity Prayer is also coming to mind today. I’ll post it in full because I always forget there’s a second section that’s just as powerful as the first.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

And the page I got that from also has this verse from the Bible:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

--Proverbs 3, 5-6

So that’s my meditation for this morning. Blessed day, everyone!

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The strait gate

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

--Matthew 7

This passage was the topic du jour at my Sunday school class yesterday. So I drew a graphic like this on the white board:

I love the double meaning of the word pronounced /strāt/. It’s both “straight” as in not crooked, and “strait” as in hard to get through. Think: the Straits of Magellan. I think both definitions have meaning here.

It’s occurring to me that the strait path looks long. We have to be consistent and unidirectional to really do it right. But it’s an optical illusion. On the other path, the wide path, each particular wandering is short. It’s like we’re saying, “Oh, I’ll try this! Or I’ll try this!” (We were thinking about things like smoking or drugs or sex or whatever in our Sunday school class.) And we wander about from thing to thing. But each leg of that wandering, while short in itself, adds up to a much longer path to the good stuff. Not to mention a great deal of confusion.

The path to goodness may be shorter, but it is also both difficult and direct. So we talked about what makes it so difficult. We thought about the unselfishness required, the spiritual understanding, the willingness. But then we came up with one thing that really stalls a lot of us out: self-awareness.

The strait path requires us to recognize and face up to our faults as we go. The wide path allows us to skirt our faults and delay growth.

I know that facing up to my faults is generally unpleasant, because they do indeed seem to be mine. After all, I’ve been the one acting them out and indulging in them. I even have the impression sometimes that I’m the source of evil, that I myself somehow have power to conduct and perpetrate bad. This sympathy with evil and taking it on as a part of myself makes it difficult to face, because there’s always an element of either self-justification or self-condemnation associated with it.

It’s when I come to the realization that everything I thought was me was really ignorance that I can face it. When I realize I didn’t know any better, but now I do so I can move on. I can release it and see that it was never really me to begin with. It had always been a muddy overlay, like a spattered cellophane wrapper, that had never been a part of me. I can peel it off and step out of it.

Okay, but still, this is hard. It’s hard to systematically face our cellophane faults because we hate to admit we were taken in in the first place. But we’ve *got* to. It’s critical to moving forward, or you might say upward, on the path. Otherwise, we’re just bumbling around, delaying upward movement, and getting further entrenched in the mud.

Divine Love didn’t create *any* faults. Peeling them off, one by one, and destroying them allows us to emerge from our cellophane cocoons into the light of joy and life. And then we find, we have wings.

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