Other worlds and journeys

Just a quick update this morning, I may write more later. I’m going to see Narnia today with the kids.

So first wanted to share some thoughts on CS Lewis. My favorite of his non-Narnia books is Surprised by Joy, a beautiful yet frank account of Lewis’ journey to Christianity.

Lewis talks about inspiration and the connection with the Divine as Joy, with a capital J.

One thing…I learned, which has since saved me from many popular confusions of mind. I came to know by experience that it [Joy] is not a disguise for sexual desire. … I learned this mistake to be a mistake by the simple, if discreditable, process of repeatedly making it. … I repeatedly followed that path—to the end. And at the end one found pleasure; which immediately resulted in the discovery that pleasure (whether that pleasure or any other) was not what you had been looking for. No moral question was involved; I was at this time as nearly nonmoral on that subject as a human creature can be. The frustration did not consist in finding a “lower” pleasure instead of a “higher.” It was the irrelevance of the conclusion that marred it. … Joy is not a substitute for sex; sex is often a substitute for Joy. I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for Joy.

--CS Lewis, Surprised by Joy, Chapter XI

This I believe is what endears Lewis to us—he’s one of us. In his writings, you see and hear from people such as himself who are figuring it out like the rest of us.

I’m so looking forward to the movie, to seeing Narnia come alive before my eyes. Narnia was one of the countries I lived in as a child, along with Middle-Earth, Prydain, and Earthsea. Sometimes I traveled freely from one to the other. I was fascinated to learn later how much the various authors owed to Welsh legend—and to Christianity. Like Jesus, these authors shared their values and ethics through stories. I felt at home in their hearts.

So, more later, when I’m back from the movie.

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Some sex talk

You find compadres in the oddest places.

I was innocently reading Relevant Magazine this morning—great mag, ostensibly targeted to 20-something Christians. Found an article about Paul Feig, comedic TV writer/producer of shows such as Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks. And lo and behold, he grew up a Christian Scientist.

Other than the fact that I was growing up a Christian Scientist at the same time he was (we’re the same age), we probably don’t have that much in common. But that’s enough for me to find some resonance with what he has to say in this interview. Mostly the subject is about his new book, Superstud: Or How I Became a 24-Year-Old Virgin. Which, for those of us familiar with the Christian Science culture of thirty years ago, should make us snort with understanding.

Feig talks wryly about suppression and guilt, and how he hears the voice of God on a regular basis. Superstud apparently is full of God throughout, something that’s made me put it on my reading list pronto.

My memoir on the same subject with the same background would be more like, Supertease: Or How I Used Sex to (Not) Find Love. One thing that I’ve found differentiates me from most Christian Scientists growing up in that era is that I’m remarkably free from guilt. Maybe it’s because I had a mom who thought I could do no wrong—not exactly strengthening from a character point of view, but helpful if you’re busting out at the seams sexually.

So, just for the record here, I’d like to state what I think Science and Health, the definitive statement of Christian Science, has to say about sexuality:

• Just about nothing.

Aside from this passing reference—“If the propagation of a higher human species is requisite to reach this goal [of advancing mankind or of spiritual unity, depending on how you read it], then its material conditions can only be permitted for the purpose of generating. The foetus must be kept mentally pure and the period of gestation have the sanctity of virginity.”—Science and Health doesn’t cover the subject. And, huh, for the first time, as I read that passage, it’s occurring to me that good solid birth control means you’re not doing the “material conditions” necessary for generating. So in other words, you could read the passage as, only have sex that could result in children for the purpose of having children. Meaning you want the children that result. Which frankly, many of us might agree with.

Anyway, Mary Baker Eddy, the discoverer of Christian Science, doesn’t really talk about sex by today’s standards. She doesn’t talk about homosexuality, masturbation, pre-marital exploration, pornography, oral sex, anal sex, kinky sex, or anything else of that nature. I believe that anything the Christian Science church culture overlaid on what’s actually in Science and Health was more a product of the times rather than actual teachings. And we should forgive them, for they didn’t know what they were doing—remember, most of the mores our parents tried to teach us formed before the Kinsey report came out in the late 1940s.

What Mary Baker Eddy does talk about is marriage. Fair enough. She talks about what makes a marriage work, including fidelity, honesty, “mutual approbation” (one of my favorite phrases), shared values and goals, etc. Very practical stuff. And in her other writings she talks about not withholding sex because you feel you’ve advanced beyond it if your partner still needs it. (Not in as frank of terms, of course.)

So for me, since she doesn't cover it explicitly, it comes down to your own spiritual journey and how sex relates to that if at all. It’s not about taking a stand sexually and then forcing our spiritual journey to fit with that. It’s about letting our spiritual journey inform our sexual practices from the basis of understanding and self-awareness.

For example, I am very aware that I myself cannot indulge in rampant sexuality anymore. I tried it, it was physically fun, but it led to a mess. And I still love sex (although am really hoping it’s like riding a bike because it’s been awhile). But I love happiness more. For myself, in my single state, I cannot have both. The one erodes the other until I’m a basket case of insecurities and doubts. So, I’ve sworn off until I’m in a relationship with one guy that is permanent. It’s self-preservation and the love of happiness, not guilt, that have made me come to this conclusion.

And I’m well aware that not everyone would come to the same conclusion about their own sexuality. What I respect is each person’s journey and where it’s leading them. Sometimes our journey takes us through the fire because we have to learn that fire burns. Sometimes the fire, though, is a hearth of warmth and light. Who am I to judge which it is for another?

I’d really like to have a nice long chat with Paul Feig, just to compare notes, but guess I should read his book first. It’s coming from Amazon. More on this when I’ve read it!

And of course… What do you think about all this?

[Read more about Laura's take on Paul Feig's book.]

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Uncomplicated prayer

Sometimes I get too complicated in my prayer. I’ll bring in every issue including the kitchen sink and try to cover it all, forcing myself through all kinds of mental gymnastics.

This morning, though, I awoke with a simple prayer in my thought. It’s from a poem by Mary Baker Eddy.

My prayer, some daily good to do

To Thine, for Thee;

An offering pure of Love, whereto

God leadeth me.

--“Christ My Refuge”

It’s comforting to know that just doing some good for someone is prayer enough for today. Today I’ll just do good.

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Expand your consciousness

“When we realize that Life is Spirit, never in nor of matter, this understanding will expand into self-completeness, finding all in God, good, and needing no other consciousness.” Science and Health.

This passage is irrevocably linked in my mind to a time when I prayed for a friend. I don’t know how much, if at all, the friend was helped, but I learned something.

I was in my crazy pre-divorce period in the late 1980s, still living with my husband but wandering. He would come home for dinner, I would leave for the evening, heading over to my theater group for whatever amateur production we were messing with at the time.

I made a lot of new friends there, some better than others. Up until that time, I had spent most of my life with the spiritually devout. This theater group was anything but spiritual. We were sensual, passionate, flamboyant, and loving it. It took me about two years to learn the hard way what a dead end much of it was.

Anyway, one of my new friends was a truck driver, who I’ll call Lenny. Contrary to how I think of most truck drivers, Lenny stood only around 5 feet tall, with a wiry build and long dark hair. He often wore dark glasses, even indoors, at night. His volatile emotions made him lovable one minute, hyperactive the next. I knew him for some time before I found out he was addicted to cocaine.

My earnest naiveté led me to think I could help him. And we did have long late night talks about it. He had a small son from an earlier girlfriend that he wanted to do right by, but the drugs siphoned off all his resources. His health was suffering as well—I remember he was often ill.

I don’t recall the details of the time when I finally started to pray for him. I think he’d missed a rehearsal and no one knew where he was. Then somehow I got a phone call from him, and I offered to pray. He was fine with that, albeit unenthusiastic.

So we hung up and I prayed to understand what was the spiritual counterfact to his addiction. What was the truth about Lenny? How could he be freed from the prison he was in, when would he become solely the lovable person I knew was in there?

I believe I was either reading through Science and Health at the time, or the passage above was in the Bible Lesson (as it is this week). My attention was caught on the words “expand” and “consciousness.” In the 60’s, when drug use became more public and rampant, people used to talk about it as expanding their consciousness. Suddenly I had the feeling that Mary Baker Eddy, with spiritual foresight, had written this passage as just the right antidote to the drug culture. Sometimes she’s freakily contemporary in a way that to me just seems God-sent.

Anyway, I now think the passage gives the answer to just about any addiction. “When we realize that Life is Spirit, never in nor of matter, this understanding will expand into self-completeness, finding all in God, good, and needing no other consciousness.”

What Lenny needed was a deeper understanding of Life as Spirit. He needed the self-completeness that comes from finding all in God, good. He would then need no “other” consciousness, the stupor associated with drug use. He would be self-aware and satisfied, secure in God’s love and his own perfection.

I felt this to the core of my being. I gained peace knowing that this was Lenny’s true nature, and nothing could obscure it permanently. Drugs didn’t have the power to alter his consciousness, God is his Mind. I saw Lenny as free.

Then, in my youthful enthusiasm for any new idea, I wanted to share this with him. Which I think I did the next time we spoke, but I had no sensitivity back then to where a person was on their spiritual journey so I think what I said sounded unreal to him. He just smiled gently and thanked me.

I don’t know what’s happened to Lenny in the years since then—I moved away and we didn’t keep in touch. The spiritual insight has stayed with me, though. In fact, I could maybe date that as the first time I really earnestly prayed for someone not in my own family. And the idea of expanding into self-completeness became a watchword for me on my own journey. It helped me in my own struggle to be freed from an addiction to sensuality about four years later.

Life is Spirit. Let that inform the struggle with addiction, and annihilate it.

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The humble improve

A business meeting I went to last week closed with an inspirational quote. The woman next to me read it from her Starbuck’s cup:

"The humble improve"

--Wynton Marsalis, Jazz musician

Yesterday, Christmas, had a bit of the humbling in it for me. We didn’t have any family plans because we’re celebrating tomorrow due to differing schedules. But I did go to church to teach Sunday School. The lone student who made it in and I discussed what Christmas really means to us.

The question we posed was, What if we stripped away all the cultural traditions and just had to come up with the best way to celebrate Jesus’ birthday? And it would be bringing gifts to him, now wouldn’t it? Like the Magi, and like every other birthday party we’ve ever gone to.

So then we turned to the wall, where we have posted the key concepts from the Sermon on the Mount. You know, Love your enemies, Turn the other cheek, etc. But in the light of our typical Christmas celebrating, some seemed very hard. Like Beware of false prophets (which to me suddenly meant gadgets and trinkets that promise to make you happier) or If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out (which meant to me, given the context, don’t put yourself in the path of temptation). And of course, Pray in secret, and God will reward you openly. How much of Christmas involves praying in public? And then rewarding each other, rather than letting God do it?

This was just food for thought yesterday. And it was a heavy meal. My student talked about the relatively simple gifts he’d received, and internally I compared them sheepishly to the paean of consumerism currently under our tree. I mean, I’m happy about the stuff, but stuff isn’t the only or best way to express love. Time together is more important, why do we feel the need to run up our credit cards to show love?

Anyway, in recent months I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a Christian. Aside from theological points, which we could argue about ad nauseum, what does the Christian walk look like?

¶ Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Where is my treasure this Christmas?

“The humble improve.” Can we ever be humble enough to improve as we ought?

Few understand or adhere to Jesus' divine precepts for living and healing. Why? Because his precepts require the disciple to cut off the right hand and pluck out the right eye, — that is, to set aside even the most cherished beliefs and practices, to leave all for Christ.

--Science and Health

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Happy happy merry merry

If you're online today, you might enjoy this Dear Abby. I know it brought tears to my eyes.

Merry Christmas!

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Christmas starshine

The manger. The animals. The shepherds. The wise men. The dutiful and selfless husband, the willing and innocent young mother. A perfect smiling baby. Compelling symbols of a miraculous event.

The symbol that moves me the most is the star. Each year our star glows brightly at the top of our tree, illuminating the entire room. That beacon light draws us along our journey, closer to Christ with unfailing certainty. It guides us in the quiet of prayerful moments, it lights the way in the darkest night. I look for the starshine whenever I pray.

I know this weekend will be very busy for most of us. I know we're hoping for memorable and pleasant family times, and to please each other with gift-giving and communing. Steal away, though, for a moment, sometime this weekend, and watch for the star. Watch for it with me. Let the star lead our actions. Let it bless us with its light.

And we will see the Christ appearing, in our hearts and our homes.

Here's a Christmas Star, see it shining.

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Deep-and-meaningfuls

So the three of us are in the car last night driving to a ballroom dance class, and, in my "motherhood by blurt" style, I came out with my desire to love the two of them better by letting them bring out their issues with me and helping them heal (as I wrote about yesterday).

Then we danced for a couple hours—meringue mostly—and as we got back into the car, my daughter said, "You know, it's a miracle that you said even that."

So apparently she's going to leap at the opportunity. I'm petrified, but it meant so much to her that we were even discussing it. Then, we stayed up late talking about her life, which meant a lot to me—we hadn't really talked in a while. And in the end she said, "Wow, if we really do what you said, if we really work together to put all the issues behind us, think how close we'll be for the rest of our lives!" She had the most wonderful, anticipatory look on her face when she said that. She *wants* us to be close. Whatever it's going to be like to get there, that look gives me a reason to try.

Yesterday was actually full of deep-and-meaningfuls. I had lunch with my friend George, and he wanted to know the difference between God's plan and God's will. Made for an interesting discussion, especially when I brought out my "check your assumptions" viewpoint. Because the question really devolves to, Does God plan? To me, His will is done. He is the eternal Now. So there is no future to God. So there is no plan, just eternal unchanging reality. The plan, if any, is for us to wake up to that fact.

And, in a discussion with another friend yesterday, to counter her thoughts of needing to deserve healing, I said: "Do not wait around to become perfect." Everyone is both already perfect in a spiritual sense and incapable of perfection in a human sense. So there's no need to strive for it. Healing is now, it's already done, it's God's will already and He is omnipotent. His will is fact, His will includes both "to will and to do of His good pleasure." If He wills it, if He even thinks it, it is a part of existence. That is how existence itself has come to be—God's will is reality the moment of His conception of it.

All these points are swirling in me this morning: redeeming the past with my daughter, knowing more clearly how God's will works, and not needing to be perfect humanly to experience healing. It's adding up to a comforting overall message of hope and redemption.

Don't know when my daughter will come to me with her first issue to discuss. But I feel better able to handle it. I think it will be okay.

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Redeem the past

Had a long talk with my sister last night, you know, the wise elegant world-traveled one. (She doesn't like to be referred to as my "older" sister.) And you know how sometimes when you're talking to someone, especially someone who really knows you and loves you, things just start coming out? That's what happened to me last night.

Because it's on my mind with my own kids, I asked her how she was dealing with facing the mistakes she made as a parent. Her daughters are pretty much grown now, and she's the first of my siblings to have grown children—I'm the next. And I know she had worked through a lot of issues with them.

So she explained in the most humble way possible that once she began to look back and recognize that even though she was doing her best all along there are some things from her today perspective that she'd do differently, she immediately began to talk with her girls about those things and to actually apologize. And she allowed them to vent to her to get their feelings about those things out on the table.

This started several years ago. Now, as their relationships have adjusted to adulthood, they're all able to put all that stuff behind them and forge new relationships based on what they know as adults. And I've seen the transition—they are so strongly close now. My sister has not just daughters but good friends. The process my sister so selflessly initiated apparently allowed them to work through all their mom-related issues, and to then let them go.

This floored me, and frightened me. Maybe my own mistakes are too recent, or maybe I'm still in the self-justification stage, but I was blown away at the strength it would take to really examine all that I did that I would not do now. And there's a lot of it. My dear children who have had to forgive as we went—hearing from them that they too know I did things wrong I think would be very hard to face. The prospect of having that conversation, especially with my daughter, overwhelmed me.

My sister could tell I was upset, and she was soooo loving. And she went to, "Well, you can also approach it metaphysically," meaning with prayer. She reminded me of what we both believe—that our relationships are intact in divine Love, that we're all created by Love, and that the mistakes were sourced merely in our human limited view of Love. As our concept of Love grows, our mistakes will lessen. And we can actually go back and redeem the past with a clearer concept of Love now.

Redeeming the past. Boy, does that come up for me every year about this time. Do I have a clear enough concept of Love now to have the courage and strength to help my own children in whatever way they need to redeem the past? Can I stand tall through their probable honesty and possible blame as we face the issues together? Do I love enough to help them heal from my mistakes?

Today to me these questions are hard to answer. But I'm not one to wait around once a more loving course of action is presented to me. Stay tuned—I'll keep you posted.

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Holiday giving

Today's Dear Abby is a good one for holiday time. It's reminding me to stop feeling so stressed and to think outside myself a bit more.

I have to admit, this holiday season for some reason sort of overwhelmed me. Maybe it's all the balls I have in the air, but it just seemed to wipe me out. Each week since Thanksgiving, I've just been making it through to the weekend when I scramble to get everything done I meant to during the week. And then it starts all over again. Thank God for online shopping!

This morning too I was at a meeting and heard this sentence: "Remember you can have anything you want, but not everything." This person also said basically to forgive yourself for not getting everything done you wanted to for the holidays. Phew!

So last night I put my stressed self aside and went to see a friend's performance at a Christmas concert. He's been a part of this chorus for years, and each year I've missed their show because I was too busy or it was too hard to go. This year, though, he had a major solo that was slated to be over the top fabulous.

I had, as usual, a million reasons not to go. Tickets were expensive, we haven't even decorated the tree yet, parking in the city would be impossible, it was a school night, etc. But I found myself, with the kids, lined up in the very long will-call line at the concert hall to get our tickets. And of course it turned out to be one of the highlights of this holiday season. My friend's performance was stellar! I'm so glad I saw it, and he was so tickled we came.

Just wanted to share one part that brought tears to my eyes. They sang "Silent Night" with an American sign language interpreter, and the entire chorus signed the words with her. And then, they stopped singing, and repeated the song with just signing. The concert hall fell completely silent, fixated on all the hands moving in unison. Each movement had meaning, we could follow the words perfectly because we knew the song. I wondered if to a deaf person this would give the same feeling that hearing a choir gives to me. It was a transcendant experience, what a gift.

And I'm left thinking, it's the gifts we give that bring us the most good. My presence there, being present for my friend, gave me the greater gift. To be too busy to give leaves us cut off from the gifts that come in response. To give to those we always give to is nice; to broaden this to give to those who are new to us is expansive.

Later this week I'm participating in a Yankee Swap with a business group. I was going to just grab something here at home to bring, but now I think it will better to put some more thought into it. Not just for the one who will go home with my gift, but for me as well. The theme of the group is "Givers gain" -- and no truer words were ever said at Christmastime.

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Check your assumptions

Sometimes in my practice, I hear questions like, "Why is God doing this to me?" or "What am I doing wrong?" And these questions always bring me up short. I find them unanswerable.

I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one who won't answer these questions. Last week's Bible Lesson had the story in it of Jesus stilling the storm. Here's the text:

And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side. And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.

And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

--Mark

"Carest thou not that we perish?" I stared long and hard at that question last week as I studied. It had a familiar ring to it! And it finally occurred to me why I can't answer questions like that. The assumptions inherent in the question are at odds with spiritual truth.

"Carest thou not that we perish?" packs a load of assumptions:

1. that it's possible for Jesus not to care,
2. that the storm is about to kill them,
3. that death is real,
4. that it's all Jesus' (and by extension God's) fault.

And I love Jesus' response. You or I might have said, "Oh, of course I care! I love you so much! It would really bother me if you died in this storm!" But that's not what Jesus did. As a first response, he did the most practical thing possible—he stilled the storm.

Does he tell them then that of course he cared? Not really! Instead, he questions their assumptions. He shoots right back to them, "Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?" It's as though he's saying, Look, you know that God is good and all powerful. Why the leap to 'we're all gonna die'?

So to me, questions like, "Why is God doing this to me?" or "What am I doing wrong?" carry the same kind of faulty assumptions. Asking them assumes God *is* doing this to you or that you *are* doing something wrong. And those are the very misapprehensions that need to be exchanged for truth.

One of the key points of Christian Science to me is the discipline of reasoning from cause to effect, rather than the other way around. Meaning, we start with God, perfect Cause, and draw conclusions then about perfect effect—man, us. To start with mortality and attempt to reason upward—the "why me" syndrome—is a dead-end.

Start with God, and you'll find that God is sending only good to you always. You are not doing anything wrong; in fact, as His image and likeness, you embody His perfection. Any supposed evidence to the contrary of these spiritual facts is attributable to the storm of mortality, and is not attached to you in any way.

Christ stills that storm today as Jesus did centuries ago. Have faith.

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The gentle art of blessing

Porthos has reminded me of Pierre Pradervand's The Gentle Art of Blessing in his recent messages. This is a wonderful inspired message of how to walk through the world.

Here’s an excerpt:

To bless means to wish, unconditionally, total, unrestricted good for others and events from the deepest wellspring in the innermost chamber of your heart: it means to hallow, to hold in reverence, to behold with utter awe that which is always a gift from the Creator. He who is hallowed by your blessing is set aside, consecrated, holy, whole. To bless is yet to invoke divine care upon, to think or speak gratefully for, to confer happiness upon—although we ourselves are never the bestower, but simply the joyful witnesses of Life's abundance.

It is impossible to bless and to judge at the same time.

I met Pierre in my prior work at a spirituality Website. He’s a gentle, kind man on a mission to make the world a more blessed place. His book is available on Amazon.

Mary Baker Eddy says something similar:

Good thoughts are an impervious armor; clad therewith you are completely shielded from the attacks of error of every sort. And not only yourselves are safe, but all whom your thoughts rest upon are thereby benefited.

-- The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany

Letting our thoughts rest on others beneficially. I like that image. It’s like a gentle beam of light radiating over all it sees.

This weekend, as we all fight the malls and the Christmas tree shops and the grocery stores, and we attend parties and church services and neighborhood gatherings, let’s arm ourselves with that thought of blessing all whom we see. It’s like the ultimate spiritual video game—aiming to bless each person that comes into our view with a gentle touch of love.

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Preparing the ground

Another book was recommended by a friend: Chris Hedges’ Losing Moses on the Freeway. It’s a book version of his series in The New York Times about the Ten Commandments.

A gripping read. What Hedges does is explore on a very intimate level what happens to people when they break the commandments. Specifically, when one particular person breaks the adultery commandment, etc. He shows the effects of habitual commandment breaking on people’s lives, and the lives of those around them.

I don’t necessarily agree with all that he’s saying. For example, he believes the “don’t take the name of the Lord in vain” commandment is about lying, and that the “bear false witness” one is about envy. I always thought the latter one was about lying. But I’ve never been a student of traditional theology, so maybe I never learned it correctly.

However, Hedges’ stories are compelling. The envy one is about two chess shops in New York City who compete across the street from each other. The adultery one is quite sad, actually. And the murder one—well, let’s just say as a former war correspondent, Hedges has plenty of material to draw from.

Here's some interesting thoughts in the book's epilogue, which Hedges titles “Love”:

Love means living for others. … It is not easy. But by giving up parts of ourselves for others, by accepting that we must be willing to lose life to create and preserve life, we honor the core of the commandments. The commandments hold out to us the possibility of love.

The commandments serve as a check on the deluge [of selfishness and materialism]. They point us away from the city of man and toward the city of God. … They call us toward mutual respect and mutual self-sacrifice.

The commandments are guideposts. They bring us back, even when we stray, as we all do, to the right path. They are our protection against the siren calls of glory, wealth and power that will ultimately dash us against the rocks. We often want to take the easy route. We do not want to sacrifice. … But it is never too late to turn back. Atonement permits a new way of being. It calls us to life.

Interesting concept: that obedience to the commandments better enables us to love. I like to think of obedience as the first step, the clearing of the ground, you might say, before planting the seeds. You can plant seeds in unharrowed ground and they can still survive—God knows that’s happened enough in my life. But how much easier for the seeds to prosper in ground that’s been prepared for them.

The commandments allow us to prepare the ground for spiritual growth. Thanks Chris Hedges for exploring this more deeply.

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Prayer helps with the unpleasant

I have a very unpleasant letter to write.

I need to say something to someone (sorry to be so vague) that they're not going to want to hear, and it may very well make them wind up hating me. (That is, if they don't hate me already.) But it's something involving my kids so I really have to do it.

I'm choosing the letter format rather than face-to-face, because face-to-face attempts have proven fruitless. And I'm more comfortable in front of the keyboard, I can collect my thoughts, etc. And the person can then have their own honest reaction to what I have to say without me being right there to witness it.

What's hard right now is knowing I need to having a loving heart before writing. And it's difficult. I'm going to have to be firm and clear, but also not destroy the relationship, such as it is.

Just writing about it now is giving me some ideas, though. Like, this person really does want to do the right thing. They're a creation of the one God, just as I am. I don't have a superior position in God's eyes, even though I'm in the right humanly. We're both cradled in God's loving embrace, and God has put the desire to do right in that person's heart as well as in my own.

So, I don't need to *make* the person *want* to do right. My letter can acknowledge this, actually. That I have faith the person wants to make it right. Hmmm, that's a thought. I can also acknowledge the good that has been expressed before laying out what needs to happen now.

Sometimes these blog entries are my prayer happening right before your eyes. This is one of those times! Just writing this and committing to praying about it has brought me some peace, and a sense of direction. I don't have to be angry or forceful in my letter. I can be loving and generous even as I state my side. That's very comforting to me right now.

I may tackle the letter later today. I'll let you know how it goes!

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Congregational engagement

I like to think today's posting is an important one, because a power outage stopped me in my tracks even as I was writing!

What I wanted to share was Gallup's list of 12 items that measure congregational engagement. Someone had reminded me of the list about employee engagement in First, Break All the Rules, a management book I love. Gallup also did a companion study of American congregations, and came up with the below as a way to measure if a person in a congregation is engaged. The number of times a person can answer "yes" measures how engaged they are.

1. As a member of my congregation, I know what is expected of me.
2. In my congregation, my spiritual needs are met.
3. In my congregation, I regularly have the opportunity to do what I do best.
4. In the last month, I have received recognition or praise from someone in my congregation.
5. The spiritual leaders in my congregation seem to care about me as a person.
6. There is someone in my congregation who encourages my spiritual development.
7. As a member of my congregation, my opinions seems to count.
8. The mission or purpose of my congregation makes me feel my participation is important.
9. The other members of my congregation are committed to spiritual growth.
10. Aside from family members, I have a best friend in my congregation.
11. In the last six months, someone in my congregation has talked to me about the progress of my spiritual growth.
12. In my congregation, I have opportunities to learn and grow.

I don't know any church of any denomination that is not struggling with keeping its members engaged and active. And I'm wondering if the above gives some clues as to how to keep people engaged. I know that if I could say "yes" to all twelve of the above questions, I probably would never want to leave or become inactive. The fact that I have to answer "no" to some of them gives me pause, and makes be believe I'm probably not alone in those feelings.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the place of church in my life. One recent example is when I went to that memorial service, which made me set a goal to get to know my fellow church members better. Recently too I've been thinking about mission and purpose. Is the mission of the church something I'm enthusiastic about? Are the other members also inspired by it? Are we fulfilling that mission?

No answers here to any of these questions. But the twelve points above still resonate with me as things a church can cultivate. I love the emphasis on spiritual growth and development. To me, that's the point of a church community—to encourage spiritual growth. 2006 will be my year to explore this more deeply.

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Love the one you're with

Respecting a former President isn't always easy, but there's one that has always blown me away: Jimmy Carter. His continued work after his presidency has done more for the world than most presidents accomplish while in office. Check out his affiliations: The Carter Center, Habitat for Humanity. As my mom says, he's our best ex-President.

I read his newest book, Our Endangered Values: America's Moral Crisis, over the weekend. He has such a reasoned, Christian approach. It's so refreshing to have someone speak as a Christian and not be giving the teaching a bad name at the same time.

Covering such topics as fundamentalism, religious conflict, church and state, divorce and homosexuality (in the same chapter), abortion and the death penalty (also in the same chapter, interesting juxtapositions both), the status of women, and America's foreign policy, Carter brings intelligent, pointed insights to the discussion and helps move us toward how it should be—dialog, rather than diatribe.

In chapter two, Carter talks about his own Christian faith and those who inspired him. He worked in a small church in Brooklyn, New York with Cuban-American Eloy Cruz, who left an indelible impression on him. At the end of their mission together, Carter asked Cruz what made him so gentle but effective as a Christian witness. Cruz's reply: "You only need two loves in your life: for God, and for the person in front of you at any particular time."

Sometimes I try to imagine a world where we all lived by that dictum. What would it be like? If even the majority of us did this on a regular basis? What kind of joy and mindfulness would resonate throughout the world? Ah, if I could only make it resonate through *my* world, with the people I meet each day. And if a few more people in positions of power would work it into their agendas, too, think what could happen.

Paul writes in I Timothy:

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

I've prayed for those in leadership positions before. I've prayed for them to know the right thing to do, and to have the strength to do it. I've prayed for their continued wellbeing. I've prayed for their discernment.

Today I'm thinking the thing to pray for might be that they love. That they know how to love those unlike themselves, that they take actions accordingly. And that they feel loved enough themselves so they do not feel the need to use their office for personal gain or influence.

It's a new thing for me, injecting love into my political prayers. I'd better watch out—I may wind up loving them myself.

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Ingenuity all around

Just got back home (through thick snowfall, that's New England) from a Chamber of Commerce meeting, and wanted to share something that just delighted me.

The Yellow Book guys were there, talking about their national yellow pages service. They pointed out that to the consumer, all yellow pages are alike—no one really cares about the brand. So someone asked, how do you ensure that yours is the one they pick up when they go to their bookshelf of phone books? The guy said, Well, we print in three columns. This makes the book thicker, but it also allows us to trim it slightly smaller around the sides. So, since most people stack books with the smallest height and length on top (irrespective of width), we're sure to always be on top.

The entire group applauded with delight! Me included. A simple, foolproof solution, obvious once you see it but so amazing anyway.

I'm fascinated with ingenuity like that. Like, who's the one who first put ink inside the pen? The invention of the elevator was not just about moving heavy things up and down—it also enabled us to have tall buildings. White boards, made for education or business, have revolutionized family communication, at least at our house. We have got a couple mini-white boards made out of foam that include a cutout big enough to fit over a door handle. I can leave my kids a note at the door if I'm not going to be home when they get in, and I'll know they'll see it right away.

Not to mention stickie notes, highlighters, spiral binding—just looking around my office I see a million things that if they hadn't been invented already, we'd have to invent them pretty soon, for I can't imagine living without them.

There's something "ah-ha" about a new, simpler, obvious design that directly meets a need we all have but hadn't solved yet. I love the diversity, the innovation, the creativity. It's like seeing spiritual qualities taking form before our eyes. The useful tools we have all around us are emblematic of divine Mind knowing what we need, and divine Love meeting that need.

Someone once asked Mary Baker Eddy how she felt about invention. Here's an excerpt.

"What is your attitude to science in general? … [T]he pursuit of modern material inventions?"

"Oh, we cannot oppose them. They all tend to newer, finer, more etherealized ways of living. They seek the finer essences. … We use them, we make them our figures of speech. They are preparing the way for us."

--First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany 345:7-30

So today I'm appreciating all the ingenuity I see around me. It's a fun little exercise. Just sit in your car or in your kitchen and look at all the doohickeys. Someone had an idea, and incorporated it into something that's blessing you.

See something cool? What are your favorites? Write in and tell me about it!

In the material world, thought has brought to light with great rapidity many useful wonders. With like activity have thought's swift pinions been rising towards the realm of the real, to the spiritual cause of those lower things which give impulse to inquiry.

--Science and Health 268:1-6

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Principle fills all space

This year has been one of major transition for me. Changed jobs, started a business, reinvigorated my practice, sent a daughter to college, connected with a son. My dad had a stroke (all better now, thanks), my sister was injured in an accident (getting better), my niece is getting married (who said she was old enough to do that?). I've met a million new people and tried a million new things. Phew.

So, when people ask me, "How are things going?" the one thing that pops into mind is "There's so much to do!" I'm having to learn all over again how to get organized. What I have to organize now is completely different than what I was organizing a year ago today. I was good at it last year; now I'm having to travel a very steep learning curve. Trouble is, I enjoy everything I'm doing, so I want to spend time on all of it. And I do! Which can eat up a day very quickly.

Yesterday's inspiration finally gave me some traction on the organization thing. As I prayed, the concept came: Principle fills all space.

I do love the term Principle, although it took me some years to gain an affection for it. It used to seem all rule-bound and harsh to me. Cold. It's one of Mary Baker Eddy's words for God, however, so to explore the full range of what God is, I had to "come to terms" with this term.

What does Principle mean to me?

• Law
• Rule
• Order
• Harmony
• Placement
• Righteousness
• Love

That's right, Love. Love, another term for God, is the same as Principle. You can't have one without the other. Realizing that a few years ago helped me embrace Principle more fully. I could expect that God's law would always be a law of Love, and it would work on my behalf, not against me.

So, yesterday's inspiration hit home with me. Principle fills all space. I had a brief vision of all space being filled with something like a huge flexible grid, all ordered and precise and perfect, everything in its place and moving together harmoniously. As precise as the workings of an unfailing atomic clock, but also as organic as the movement of the most complex yet enthralling dance.

And I'm a part of this. Every task I have to do is a part of this synchronous movement. I can face that to-do list, that follow-up list, that calendar, those emails, those voicemails, with confidence that I have available to me all the precision and harmony of Principle, because it fills all space and I express it.

I embraced this vision, and it kick-started my day. The moments flowed into hours, with tasks accomplished, good decisions made, contacts fulfilled. And even an entire hour at the end of the day to do some catch up. A full day of results, which then made me comfortable enough to turn *off* the computer and spend some time playing games with my son. Principle filling all space, with Love.

This morning I feel like Principle loves me. And I like that idea.

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AniMag

Had lunch yesterday with my UCC minister friend Debbie, you know, the one who gave us the Thanksgiving Prayer. We always have the most interesting conversations.

After wandering through issues like gay marriage and our respective spiritual work with parishioners or patients, we got onto the subject of sin. She laughed when I brought it up. But I really liked her outlook on it, it was amazing close to my own.

She said that sins to her are not a list of no-nos or rules. Sins are those things we get distracted by, those things that take us off the path to God. So I actually did something I seldom do—I brought up Mary Baker Eddy's term, animal magnetism. Because that's what animal magnetism is to me—that which distracts us and pulls us off the path.

If you're familiar with Eddy's book Science and Health, you know there's a Glossary of biblical terms at the end. Several of the definitions are of Jacob's sons, including Joseph, Benjamin, Rueben, Judah, etc. She also includes Dan, defining him as "animal magnetism" among other not-so-flattering things.

Now, Dan is a fairly minor biblical character, and he's pretty much always mentioned in a group. So I often wondered where she got that definition. Why did Dan get such a bum rap?

Then, in my Bible read-through several years ago, I came upon Jacob's prophecies regarding his sons.

Dan shall be a serpent by the way, an adder in the path, that biteth the horse heels, so that his rider shall fall backward.

--Genesis

Ah! Then it began to make sense to me. The serpent attacks and distracts the horse, which causes the rider to go backward. A fitting metaphor for animal magnetism.

This helped me see animal magnetism as less about some sort of evil force out there, and more as a tiny, insignificant thing that we're either afraid of or we allow to distract us. But it actually remains tiny and not all that fearful if we see it for what it is.

So what is distracting us today? My attention sometimes gets caught on gossip, for example, on bad news, on worries, on stress. But I can begin to see all these as snakey attempts to distract me. And I can respond first by recognition, second by refusal, and third by replacing. I replace those distracting thoughts with Truth, with ideas that keep me on the path toward God.

So if sin is being distracted, healing sin is the process of getting back on the path. Not so fearsome really. Just takes some clear thinking and a commitment to moving forward.

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Little baby events

Here's a link to the blog of a friend of mine, Colin: The Christ Heals. His entry today is about our own living of the Christmas story today, it made me think! He says, "The Christ comes as little baby events in our day." Lovely.

Last night was also filled with an Advent discussion. It was the second meeting I attended of that women's prayer group. This time, a bit more sparsely attended, but no less meaningful. And we were reminding each other to take time to enjoy the Advent season with expectation and joy.

So I thought I'd share what my Christmas season usually entails.

• Holy music in the car. Generally the Messiah and some Christmas music from when I was a kid. My favorite: "And his name shall be called, Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the ever-lasting Father, the Prince of Peace."
• Gathering presents, mostly from Amazon online or from catalogs, for family. Wrapping said presents in paper, especially with that one paper that every year I still somehow manage to have scraps of. Using Christmas cards from prior years to decorate the packages, artfully arranging the images on the top and using them as gift tags.
• Watching the familiar assortment of Christmas videos (and now DVDs): The Santa Clause, Home Alone, It's a Wonderful Life (not colorized), Miracle on 34^th Street (with Natalie Wood, unfortunately our copy is colorized), The Little Drummer Boy, The Grinch, A Charlie Brown Christmas, While You Were Sleeping. "These potatoes are so creamy" (a family joke).
• Taking every opportunity to sing Christmas carols, especially "O Holy Night," "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming," and "What Child Is This." "The virgin sings her lullaby." Miraculous!
• Setting up the tree, with the lights, well-loved decorations, tinsel, and the all-important Nativity scene at the foot of the tree and the glowing electric white orb for the top. Our orb is more astrologically accurate than most tree stars, just a big ball of light.
• Exploring the Christmas story with somebody, either my own kids or my Sunday school kids. Attending Christmas performances that friends are appearing in.
• And, on Christmas Eve, sending everyone else off to bed, and wrapping those few final gifts with the lighted tree and the Messiah playing softly in the background. Then I'll turn off all other lights, and sit, contemplating the tree with its radiant star on top, alone but watchful, waiting for the coming of the Christ.

And, the Christ always comes. In years past it's been a feeling of peace, a settled calm, a joyous expectancy, a feeling of service and grace. There have been years when I've been in anguish, years when I've been radically stressed, years when grief or fear were gripping me—yet the sitting and contemplating on this most holy of nights has brought some light to my darkness.

Then I learned I could experience this visitation throughout the year. I could turn to the star of light and wait for the presence of the Divine, and it would come. I've even looked for its coming while at a busy shopping mall, while in traffic, while paying bills. And lo, it's always there.

Little baby events that show He's always here.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

--The Gospel of Luke

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Get to know each other

A few days ago, I attended the memorial service of someone who had been a long-time member of my church, although I didn't know her that well.

It was a lovely service, in an old New England chapel of all white painted wood and candles. Nothing ornate, just simple and rather dimly lit and serene. Several people read and spoke, including her son-in-law, daughter, and husband. Apparently the circumstances of her death weren't especially easy, and the family was quite honest about this. But most of the offerings told of what a wonderful person she was, how she loved everyone she met and meant a great deal to all those whose lives she touched.

I left, as I often do on these occasions, wishing I'd known her better. We have so few flickering moments here on this earth together, I suppose I can never expect to know everyone as well as I'd like. And I believe this experience here is not the final statement on us, either, so there is infinite opportunity after we've moved on to get acquainted. Yet I still felt I'd missed out on something special.

It's made me look about me with wider eyes. I've been privileged to meet so many amazing people—my family, in school, at work, at church, in California, in business, in the healing practice, teaching Sunday School. The delight I feel at discovering the exceptional in someone else never fails to inspire me.

I'm not going to feel that unless I get to know them, though! I have to take the time to make the connection and deepen the conversation, so the extraordinary is revealed. And in all the times I've taken the time, I've yet to find someone who's not extraordinary. Everyone has something to say to me, to teach me, if I will listen.

To me, this makes sense. God is infinite. And what does infinite mean, anyway? I used to think infinite just meant very very big. Like, it's way out there, and to discover it all I had to travel, far, to get to experience it. But now infinite to me also means digging deep, learning more and more details about something or someone. There are infinite things to discover right at hand.

God is infinite. The person right next to you, then, as God's image and likeness, is also infinite. There's no limit to what we can find out about them, what we can appreciate and celebrate. And what a blessing to find a like-minded new friend, a soul connection, in the most unlikely spots.

So yesterday at a church open house, I got to talking with one of my fellow members who has only been an acquaintance until now. She had also been at the memorial service, and I told her what I'd taken from it. She understood. And we each on the spot made an commitment to getting to know each other better.

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Training up your mom

Remember I was looking for a spiritual point to the other night's events? Well, I found it when I talked with my son yesterday.

Turns out he wasn't only staying with me and comforting me. He was also praying.

He said, "I knew you were stressed so I was trying to comfort you, and I started praying to God: Mom just got new printer [hence the computer problems], it won't be that bad because God doesn't let anything wrong happen. God is everywhere and He is perfect, and He would let the computer be perfect, and Jibben [the friend on the phone helping] would take care of it."

Well, that's good thinking, and it's so far from what I was thinking in those moments that I really think it was his prayer that re-established harmony.

Another result of this "character building boot camp" is seeing a renewed commitment to going to Sunday school on the part of my son. He's starting to arrange his schedule so that he doesn’t miss it. He loves his teacher and enthusiastically does the homework without my prompting, which this week included memorizing all the books of the New Testament.

So I continue to be grateful. There's a passage in Science and Health about personal character: "Motives and acts are not rightly valued before they are understood. It is well to wait till those whom you would benefit are ready for the blessing, for Science is working changes in personal character as well as in the material universe."

And it reminded me there's only so much I can do with my kids. Their character is established in Science already, which is another way of saying that we already are who God created us to be. It's not up to me to make them good or prayerful or divine. They already are those things. So maybe my job is to see that as clearly as possible and provide the opportunities for it to be expressed.

I can tell it's not my design or plan that's happening, because if I knew ahead of time what the results would be, I'd never be as delighted as my kids make me on a regular basis. At those times, I feel more like a witness than a creator. The Creator's work is done.

(For the record, he does think I yelled a bit about the apple juice. So I guess even my warm frame of mind didn't keep me from an outburst when my legs were suddenly covered with cold stickiness. But he says I didn't yell at him, which I take credit for as progress!)

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Training up a child

This entry might be nothing more than a recounting of what happened last night; maybe I'll find some spiritual point in it! But I'm just so grateful that I have to share.

Some of you may have noticed that *occasionally* I have a *few* issues with my son. I adore him, and I'm convinced there's an excellent man in there developing, but his temporary externals have been known to drive me to distraction.

So lately we've embarked on something I've been calling "character building boot camp." The basic rules are these: for the duration (a preset time determined by the extent of his prior infractions) he is no longer to think about what he likes or what he wants, but he is to consider everything from the point of view of whether it's right or wrong, or whether it's making someone else happy. Including his teachers, me, his sister, etc. And there is no fun allowed unless I’m in the room.

He needs to pay off his "happiness debt," meaning the happiness he grabbed for himself over the past months at the expense of others or for short-term gratification. Part of the deal as well is that he's only to read things approved by me, rather than trash that teaches him nothing, and we only watch pre-selected TV shows and movies together.

Sound tough? It is! I'm having to be very very strict about it. I wondered at first if I would cause any emotional damage by this, but I figured he'd had 14 years of me adoring him, he could stand a couple weeks of me being intensely on point. And, in just the few weeks he's been in boot camp, the results have already exceeded my wildest expectations.

Almost immediately, he began to experience the satisfaction that comes from doing things for other people. Around Day Two, I asked him what he was learning. And he said, "It's actually nice doing things for you and making you happy. When you smile and say thank you, it makes me feel good." Whoa!!! Amazing!

One of the books I made him read was Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. A few days later, he came home from school saying how he'd applied the ideas from that book to help two of his friends who are dating to communicate better. Later that evening, they called him on a three-way conference call to get more advice. He then took the book to school to instruct them further. He was exceptionally proud about being able to help them. And then he asked, "Could I make money at this?" So he's still my kid. :)

But the pièce de résistance was last night. I was having—dun, dun duuuuun—computer problems. Anyone who knows me knows there are a few things that freak me out: getting lost while I'm driving in a strange city, spilled apple juice, messed up computers.

Okay so I'm on the phone with customer support for four hours. The first two I was semi-okay, but then I started getting tired. When I finally hung up after doing lord knows what to my computer, still with no solution, I discovered I couldn't open any of my documents. None of them. So I flipped out.

And my boy stayed with me! He saw I was upset, and came right over. Rubbed my neck a little, hugged me, knelt next to my computer chair as I tried a bunch of different things, just showed concern and support through the whole thing. And I have to admit it—this was no longer just an exercise. He really was helping me by being there.

I finally got another person on the phone, and this person quickly found a solution to the document problem. But then, right as things were getting fixed, my son tipped a glass of apple juice all over. All over me, all over the desk, all over the rug, all over my computer chair.

And again, anyone who has known me for a long time has seen my reaction to spilled apple juice. It's not usually pretty. For some reason having to clean up sticky smelly sugary apple juice embodies for me all the hardship of being a mother, all the extraordinary things we have to do just to keep everyone safe and clean. Having someone spill it right in front of me usually evokes intense feelings of being unappreciated. Go figure.

But not last night. I absolutely took it in stride. I was feeling so filled up by the love he'd been expressing that it didn't even occur to me in any way shape or form to be upset about the juice. This alone was a minor miracle in an evening of miracles.

We cleaned things up, and then he went to his room to read before going to sleep. I came in just to be with him for a bit more, saying I could get a book too so we could just be together. And he marked his page, put down his book, and asked if I wanted to talk some more! This was going above and beyond, I have to say. So I talked some more, then went off to my room again.

Anyway. A very long story this morning. I just wanted to record it, to share it with you, and to get your thoughts. How people feel about each other can't just be in their minds; it has to show up in the externals as well. And then love just resonates.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

--Proverbs

A mother is the strongest educator, either for or against crime. Her thoughts form the embryo of another mortal mind, and unconsciously mould it, either after a model odious to herself or through divine influence, "according to the pattern showed to thee in the mount." Hence the importance of Christian Science, from which we learn of the one Mind and of the availability of good as the remedy for every woe.

--Science and Health

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