Infinity

Whenever I see the word "infinite" in print, I always try to figure out how they're using it. Do they mean infinite, as in unending, limitless, extending without end, or do they just mean really really big?

Well, here's a passage from Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat that made me happy:

"People are always assuming that everything that is going to be invented must have been invented already. But it hasn't. If you believe human wants and needs are infinite, then there are infinite industries to be created, infinite businesses to be started, and infinite jobs to be done, and the only limiting factor is human imagination."

Friedman was quoting Marc Andreesen, the cofounder of Netscape, which was the first Internet browser 'way back when that got us all online. This is a man who genuinely understands the unlimited nature of infinite.

The World is Flat is an amazing book. I'm about two-thirds of the way through it, and I keep coming to things that just make me say out loud, "Uh. May. Zing." Its title comes from the concept that the world is becoming a level playing field, or flattening, due to many factors including instant communication.

And it's filling me with hope. There's a lot in the media about outsourcing and how harmful it is, and about immigration and how we should curtail it, protectionism, etc. And, without getting too political (because I'm no expert), it seems to me that a lot of that rhetoric is based on fear. But there are also thousands of entrepreneurs quietly going about adjusting to the current landscape, re-forming their businesses to meet demand and employing the best and the brightest.

Case and point: Remember Y2K? The date, 1/1/00, when the year would change from 99 to 00, thereby possibly confusing most of our computers. I remember it well. I knew we were talking about millions and millions of lines of code, and that it would take extreme patience and willingness to go through all that to find the spots that were vulnerable to the date change. I remember a surge of end-of-the-world scenarios and panic, and a lot of money being made on selling survival kits to the frightened.

It bugged me at the time, so I began to pray about it. And at first I didn't know how to pray. Do I pray for the computers? For the infrastructures, that they not be affected by the date change? That didn't make sense to me, for if there was a glitch, it had to be fixed. Then it occurred to me to pray for the programmers, the people tasked with finding the problem and creating the code that would fix it. I prayed that each one, wherever they were, would be governed by divine Mind, and that Mind would show them what they needed to do. I did this for months, even wrote about it at the time. I'm sure many other folks did as well.

Y2K of course was a non-event, but not because it was never a problem to begin with. It was solved by the diligent work of thousands of programmers. And it turns out with all my prayers, I was praying for India.

Friedman's book points out that the Y2K computer work was done largely by low-skilled Indian programmers right out of tech schools. This one golden opportunity got them contacts at companies in the United States, and proved how communication was making it possible for people across a world to work together.

Friedman says that Y2K should be considered a second Indian Independence Day. August 15, the day of separation from Britain, gave independence to the country; January 1, 2000, gave independence to Indians.

I was never more thrilled to see the result of prayer than when I read this in his book. India has always fascinated me, and the individual Indians I've met have always impressed me. Nothing would make me happier to see India in ascendancy now, partnering with companies here to make the world flat. And it appears this is happening even as we speak.

I love reading about all these new opportunities and how the world is changing. To me, what is happening is a deeper, wider, broader revelation of the overarching divine infinite selfhood. God is truly infinite, and we are witnessing the unfoldment of that infinity. It can't be stopped; it shouldn't be stopped. And it doesn't need to be feared.

Infinity is big enough for all of us.

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Ditch your weaknesses and express your strengths

In talking with someone yesterday, I remembered another book that changed my life: Now, Discover Your Strengths. It's #2 of a two parter from the Gallup Organization, the first one is, First, Break All the Rules. These are management / employment books, but they actually helped me spiritually.

Discover Your Strengths poses the basic premise that we spend too much time on fighting our weaknesses rather than developing our strengths.

Many people don't concern themselves with the intricacies of their strengths; instead, they choose to devote their time and energy to investigating their weaknesses. We know this because we asked them this question: "Which do you think will help you improve the most: knowing your strengths or knowing your weaknesses?"

[The result?]: weaknesses, not strengths, deserve the most attention.

And here's a telling thought:

You may be reluctant to investigate your strengths quite simply because you don't believe that your true self is much to write home about.

Hmmm. This came up in my conversation yesterday. That we don't notice the things we're good at because they're so natural to us, but we are abundantly aware of those things we're not so good at and we fixate on them. What if we turned that around, and realized that the very things that are natural for us are the very things to celebrate and cultivate?

Once I glommed onto this concept, I became a much better manager. I realized I had been managing to weaknesses, i.e., focusing on what my subordinates needed to do to improve. Instead, I now focused on what they did well, and encouraged them to focus on that also. It turned out the group I managed had complementary talents, so with a few rearrangements of job duties, I wound up with a brilliant team that was expert at everything they were doing and could count on each other to shine. We worked like a well-oiled machine and were much happier.

When I saw how effective that was in the workplace, I realized it had to reflect a spiritual principle. I believe now that it's essential for each of us to realize and express that which makes us unique.

This is because God is infinite. Think about it. An infinite God creates an infinite creation. Creation is infinite as an expression of God. Infinite is unimaginably diverse—otherwise it wouldn't be infinite, but finite in some way. (I had a friend once who was so quirky, I used to say, "W— is convincing proof that there is an infinite God, for who else would have created someone like him?")

That infinite God created us to express Him, to be His image and likeness. Every bit of that infinite must be filled, and only we can fill our bit. If we try to fill someone else's bit or try to alter our own, we're not fulfilling our spot as a unique element of God's infinite expression.

What would you think that infinite God wants us to focus on most? Our weaknesses, to beat ourselves up about and feel consistently unworthy, or our strengths, given to us by Him for celebration and cultivation? Sure, we need to self-improve and grow in grace. But shouldn't we at least give equal time to our gifts and recognize them for what they are?

You are amazing in His eyes, because He created you and He knows your strengths. Yes, I mean you. Celebrate what He gave you today.

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Always right

I spend a lot of time disciplining my son. He's a great kid, and smart enough to test the boundaries all the time, especially when it comes to schoolwork. So lately I've had to just say, "Here's the deal. Do as you're supposed to or no privileges." No computer, no TV, no going outside to skateboard, no trips to the mall with friends. I pretty much brought the hammer down for this, his eighth grade year.

This doesn't always make for a placid home environment! But I'm more and more convinced it's the way to go. I'm actually going to be canceling cable today (well, we'll still have Basic, but no more Comedy Central).

I *have* had to learn how not to punish in anger. This never works, it just backfires. But when he says things like, "This isn't fair!" and I can calmly lay out exactly what actions of his led to what decisions of mine, he gets quiet. Aggravated, but quiet. And he eventually bursts out, "Oh, you're right! You're right! You're always right!"

The title of the Bible Lesson this week captures what I think he thinks he's going through: Everlasting Punishment. Mom, however, is really enjoying this lesson. It's helping me see I have to take the long view, that's my job as a parent. I have to see him to adulthood by correcting his mistakes now while the stakes are low. If the things that are tripping him up now continue into adulthood, the stakes will be much higher and he'll have to pay a higher price than no IMing for a week.

The lesson also has this passage:

Principle is imperative. You cannot mock it by human will. Science is a divine demand, not a human. Always right, its divine Principle never repents, but maintains the claim of Truth by quenching error.

--Science and Health

My eyes caught on that "always right" part. I think my son often sees me that way—always right, never repenting. I suddenly saw myself as trying in my own limited way to be expressing that divine Principle.

Sometimes I'm definitely not right, though. Like those times when I do get angry. The other night I stormed into his room about something trivial, and right in the middle of my tirade he spoke over me and said firmly, "You shouldn't be yelling at me so much." I sputtered for a bit more and wound down, and later apologized.

It occurs to me now that the only way to be "always right" is to be aligned with that Principle. Principle, God, divine Mind, is the only One who is always right. There is no right outside of Principle. And that Principle is Love.

Both my son and I have to learn to live aligned with that Principle. We're teaching each other, day by day. And someday, maybe we'll both get more privileges. :)

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Favorite scripture

Do you have a favorite scripture? I do.

I found mine the first time I read the Bible straight through. And I don't mean just the New Testament -- I mean all the way from Genesis through Leviticus, Numbers, Judges, Kings, the prophets, the whole thing.

After I'd read so much about all that the Children of Israel went through, Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Elijah, Jeremiah, to Jesus and all the disciples and Paul and his journeys, finally to John on Patmos having the final Revelation, this verse from the very tail end of the thing made me weep:

And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

--Revelations 22:17

It's almost the last verse of the Bible. And to me it's such an invitation, offering the friendship of the Spirit and the welcoming arms of the bride, along with the promise that anyone who wants it can have their thirst for Spirit assuaged with the water of life. Anyone who wants it. And I felt like that anyone.

Whenever I read it, it never fails to awaken in me a sense of hope and joy that all things are possible and all good awaits us. And that one of my jobs here on this earth is to invite as many people as possible to drink of the water of life as well.

What's your favorite?

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Matter has no memory

Lately I've been doing some studying, contemplating and praying on healing pain, specifically that caused by trauma, with Christian Science. It's come up in my practice, and in the last few days I've learned some things I wanted to share here.

A time consuming but always fruitful exercise for me as a starting point is to read everything in Science and Health on the subject at hand. So, I started with every passage in which Mary Baker Eddy talks about pain. Many especially resonated with me, so I made a list of these passages. (If you'd like a copy, contact me and I'll send you one.)

Some of the more startling ideas that came out of this reading are these:

• Can matter speak for itself?
• We must rise superior to materiality, to the senses.
• Spirit is the lawmaker. There are no material "laws," only beliefs; therefore there is no penalty for their infraction.
• Pain cannot exist where there is no mortal mind to feel it.
• We must take away mortal mind.
• The only sensation is Soul. Soul, as the freedom from material sensation, is the opposite of pain.
• Mortal mind is the belief that there is sensation in matter.

I spent some time with the idea that we must "take away mortal mind" (p. 479). I'd never really thought of actively doing that before. Take it away from where? Surely not from immortal Mind—it's not there to begin with. So we must be taking it away from human consciousness, separating it out and banishing it. Thinking about it that way made it clearer to me that the thoughts that are painful or negative or evil in any way are by definition mortal mind, and we can separate them out. What remains is human consciousness, which can be redeemed with Christ.

So I wrote this:

• It is only mortal mind that experiences pain; but there is no mortal mind. Your consciousness is derived solely from Mind, God. No error there. Matter has no mind, can't remember for itself. Memory, trauma, are only in mortal mind, therefore non-existent. Place it there.

Then came the startling ah-ha:

• Matter has no memory.

Our material, physical form can't remember anything, for it doesn't have a mind of its own. And without a mind, there can be no memory.

Dwelling with that brought me to these ideas:

• Memory of trauma is only in mortal mind.
• But mortal mind is mindless, nothingness, because it is opposite to divine Mind.
  
• Trauma, therefore, is without anyone to remember it.
  
• If you touch a hot stove, realize it and move, there is no need for the body to suffer. You already moved. No injury is necessary. Only mortal mind thinks there needs to be an injury as a result. And mortal mind can't think.
  
• Mortal mind chases its own tail. Its conclusions are pointless, they go nowhere.
• Divine Mind provides the only real conclusions.
  

And I remembered this statement from Science and Health: "Understanding is the line of demarcation between the real and unreal." We can separate out the mortal mind and have only the spiritual consciousness.

Here's a little chart I've been noodling on for years, see what you think:

Through this reasoning, I am much more confident about banishing pain as an outlaw, and some good results have occurred with the people I'm helping.

The bottom line is God is Love, and would cause no pain or injury to any of His dear children. And if He didn't cause it, it has no cause, for God alone is power.

Spiritual understanding allows us to live this truth, to feel God as the only cause and power, and to experience only what He has established.

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A Whole New Mind

Finally read a great book at the recommendation of my friend Mario. (Mario also wrote the editorial in this month's Christian Science Journal, on Fearless Living.)

The book he recommended to me is A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink, and once I started reading it I gulped it whole. *Great* book. Subtitling the book "Moving from the Informational Age to the Conceptual Age," Pink delineates six new "senses" we'll need in the coming economy: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play, Meaning. These are all considered "right-brain" attributes, and Pink recommends developing them now even as we developed the more "left-brain" analytical skills throughout the 20^th century.

This was one of those books that resonated with me as things I already knew even as I was wrapping my mind around his startling conclusions. The book coincides with the studies I've read about the spiritual journey—that people want to go beyond just knowing *about* God (analyzing the details) and want to also *experience* God (synthesize the big picture). Pink's point is that you have to have *both.*

So today I'm playing with the question, How can Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play and Meaning help us experience God? Interestingly, these elements seem to synch up pretty well with the synonyms of God that Mary Baker Eddy articulated.

• Design (beyond just function to something emotionally engaging)
• Soul

• Story (not argument but persuasion and context)
  
• Life

• Symphony (getting all the parts to work together)
  
• Mind

• Empathy (beyond logic to understanding)
  
• Love

• Play (breaking out of too much seriousness, enjoy yourself!)
  
• Spirit

• Meaning (find a purpose beyond the accumulation of stuff)
  
• Truth
  

Of course, you can mix and match these as you are inspired. The seventh synonym, Principle, is something I've always considered the "grand unification synonym" because it encapsulates the spiritual law that makes this all work. What's fun about Pink's book is at the end of every chapter about the six "senses," he includes resources and exercises to help you develop that attribute further. He maintains we all have these within us—as human beings, it's inherent in us. (Kinda coincides with the Christian Science teaching that we each have the innate capacity to reflect all the attributes of God.) I'll be spending time on these exercises, not only to improve myself but because they look like a lot of fun.

Experiencing God is the goal. I love it when I find tools that expand my view and encourage this experience to deepen.

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Truth displaces error

Take a regular drinking glass. Fill it to the brim with water. Start adding golf balls. What happens to the water? It spills over the side, of course. This is known as displacement— you're displacing the water with the golf balls.

For me, this is a lot like healing. Think of the glass as your thinking, and the water as your fears. There are a number of ways to get the water out of the glass—you could upend the glass (disorienting), you could heat the glass so the water evaporates (potentially damaging to the glass), you could spoon it out (takes too long), etc. But the irresistible nature of displacement to me trumps all those methods. There is no way the water can stay in the glass if something else takes its place. And no more water can get back in, either.

That "something else," when we're talking about healing, is Truth.

Do you ever find yourself fighting to become free from evil? Something inharmonious or disturbing has cropped up in your life, and you expend all kinds of effort in the attempt to rid yourself of it. But this might be working in the wrong direction. You might get better results by welcoming in Truth, and letting Truth do the heavy lifting.

Truth will displace error effortlessly. Its very existence nullifies error's ability to hang around. Another analogy is light and dark. Where does dark go when you turn on the light? Does it curl up in a corner, or squinch itself behind a bookcase? No, it's simply gone. The light makes it as though it was never there.

No darkness, no fear. How do you let in the substance of Truth so that it displaces error? I think this takes some consecration to Truth, a commitment to letting Truth inform your thinking with its substance and light. Truth is God, the Creator, the Christ, the Rock. Letting Truth in, letting it inform and reform your thinking, to me is the most direct way to vanquish error.

An example of this in my life was that time I had the flu, or that time I had the infected finger. In both cases, something true about myself displaced the fear so thoroughly that the physical problem was displaced right out of my thinking and out of my life. And that's the important point—once it's out of your thinking, it's out of your life as well. And all that's left is Truth.

So today I'm going to stop fighting all the problems. Today I'm going to welcome in Truth, and let it do the work.

More thoughts, from Science and Health:

Truth is God's remedy for error of every kind, and Truth destroys only what is untrue. (p. 142)

Truth is the intelligence of immortal Mind. Error is the so-called intelligence of mortal mind. (p. 282)

The statement that Truth is real necessarily includes the correlated statement, that error, Truth's unlikeness, is unreal. (p. 287)

Truth is an alterative in the entire system, and can make it "every whit whole." (p. 371)

Truth is affirmative, and confers harmony. (p. 418)

Christ, Truth, was demonstrated through Jesus to prove the power of Spirit over the flesh, — to show that Truth is made manifest by its effects upon the human mind and body, healing sickness and destroying sin. (p. 316)

ROCK. Spiritual foundation; Truth. (p. 593)

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Everybody wants to be heard

I'm loving Newsweek's special report on "How Women Lead." I even love the IBM ads ("The pundits say growth is impossible. We need new pundits.").

Oprah's article on leadership deserves quoting:

I understand that the common denominator in the human experience from the thousands of people that I've talked to is that everybody just wants to be heard.

…

The only time I've made a bad business decision is when I didn't follow my instinct. My favorite phrase is, "Let me pray on it." Sometimes I literally do pray, but sometimes I just wait to see if I wake up and feel the same way in the morning. For me, doubt normally means don't. Doubt means do nothing until you know what to do.

…

When you can use your voice in a way that really speaks to people, it resonates. Whether it's a school or a book or just an idea. That's what fun is. That's what living really is. Living with a capital L.

I've often thought that if I had to date the event that changed the national dialog and made us more willing to face problems and talk about them, it would have to be The Advent of Oprah. She had a huge impact on bringing taboo subjects into the light for examination and repair. I don't think we talked much about anything before her.

Being (and feeling) heard is so empowering that I think it's essential for healing. The healer has to have a certain degree of empathy to be effective. You have to appreciate what the person's going through even as you're seeing them as already on the other side, healed and whole.

I think Jesus had this empathy, certainly. One story that is in the Bible Lesson this week really struck me as being the perfect healing conversation. It's the story of the father and his epileptic boy. Notice the dialog, I've italicized it.

And when he came to his disciples, he saw a great multitude about them, and the scribes questioning with them. And straightway all the people, when they beheld him, were greatly amazed, and running to him saluted him.

And he asked the scribes, What question ye with them? And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit; And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.

He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.

And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, Of a child. And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us. Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.

And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out of him: and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead. But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up; and he arose.

And when he was come into the house, his disciples asked him privately, Why could not we cast him out? And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.

--Mark 9:14-29

It seems like the disciples were standing around arguing with the scribes and the man before Jesus appeared on the scene. Then Jesus asked a few questions, and listened to the man. He made that man feel heard. He didn't "correct" the man or tell him he was wrong to feel as he did. He heard what the man was saying, and compassionately healed the child.

So I'm wondering about the end of the story, that it takes prayer and fasting to heal this kind of situation. And for the first time I'm relating it to the beginning of the story, where Jesus came upon the disciples and the people doing a question-and-answer session. Maybe his ending instruction was an answer to their tactic up front. Don’t stand around arguing with people -- listen to them, pray effectively, and heal them.

This is adding to what I've read in Mary Baker Eddy's works about fasting as "refraining from admitting the claims of the senses," which means to me today not getting too caught up in the appearance of things. So we listen to people to express compassion, not to get mired in their problem but to help them out of it.

That's so Oprah.

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To dream or not to dream

Franklin has been asking me some follow up questions about the dream metaphor, so I thought I'd write more about it today.

While I do believe this mortal seeming can be thought of as a dream, that doesn't mean I'm trying to write it all off entirely. I've experienced great good in this life, and I believe that good is real and permanent. The dream metaphor to me is a way of expressing the subjective nature of this state we're in. It's not fixed or substantive in and of itself, it morphs and evolves as our thought of it evolves.

Have you ever done something intentional in a dream? For example, saying in the middle of it, I don't like the way this is going, and you consciously change it? I've done this a few times that I can remember. One time in particular something was going on in my dream where I needed some rope, so I just looked down and conjured a rope in my hand. Very Matrix-y / Harry Potter.

There's really nothing to stop us doing this in the here and now, and Christian Science teaches how to learn it in degrees. We start with the perceived inharmonies in our lives, like moods or relationships or career, even illness or injury. We recognize these elements of inharmony as being dreamlike, and we change the dream with spiritual truth. Ultimately, I suppose, we vanquish all of materiality that way, although it may take awhile.

I'm still noodling on this; if you have any thoughts, please share them. I'd also like to include something from Mary Baker Eddy that might be helpful:

Is it correct to say of material objects, that they are nothing and exist only in imagination?

Nothing and something are words which need correct definition. They either mean formations of indefinite and vague human opinions, or scientific classifications of the unreal and the real. My sense of the beauty of the universe is, that beauty typifies holiness, and is something to be desired. Earth is more spiritually beautiful to my gaze now than when it was more earthly to the eyes of Eve. The pleasant sensations of human belief, of form and color, must be spiritualized, until we gain the glorified sense of substance as in the new heaven and earth, the harmony of body and Mind.

Even the human conception of beauty, grandeur, and utility is something that defies a sneer. It is more than imagination. It is next to divine beauty and the grandeur of Spirit. It lives with our earth-life, and is the subjective state of high thoughts. The atmosphere of mortal mind constitutes our mortal environment. What mortals hear, see, feel, taste, smell, constitutes their present earth and heaven: but we must grow out of even this pleasing thraldom, and find wings to reach the glory of supersensible Life; then we shall soar above, as the bird in the clear ether of the blue temporal sky.

To take all earth's beauty into one gulp of vacuity and label beauty nothing, is ignorantly to caricature God's creation, which is unjust to human sense and to the divine realism. In our immature sense of spiritual things, let us say of the beauties of the sensuous universe: "I love your promise; and shall know, some time, the spiritual reality and substance of form, light, and color, of what I now through you discern dimly; and knowing this, I shall be satisfied. Matter is a frail conception of mortal mind; and mortal mind is a poorer representative of the beauty, grandeur, and glory of the immortal Mind."

--Miscellaneous Writings, p. 86

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Pencil / pen exercise

Sometimes it's hard to pray for myself. I want to open my thought to the presence of Love, but I get too conscious of my faults and feel undeserving.

A simple little exercise helps me break through this. Rather than repress thoughts about my faults, I go ahead and let them flow, but I handle it like this:

I take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. On one side, in pencil, I write down a list of all those faults coming to me. This list can get long fairly quickly, yet somehow transferring the issues from my mind to the paper helps me disassociate from the emotion of shame and allows me to look at them dispassionately.

Then on the other side of the paper, I write, *in ink,* the *opposite* of everything I just wrote down. Like, if I wrote "impatient" on one side, I'll write "patient, loving, caring," on the other side. If I wrote "stupid," I'll opposite that with "intelligent, Mindful, insightful" and the like.

Then, at the top, I'll write "God-like qualities" over the ink column, and "temporary mortal qualities" on the pencil side. I'll think about which column really represents me, about who I am as God's image and likeness, and how permanent that is. And I know that even though those pencil qualities sometimes appear in this mortal seeming, they are not who I really am and I can erase them. When I feel the joy that comes from knowing who I really am, I know I can pray for myself again.

We're often our harshest critics, thinking worse things about ourselves than anyone else ever would. Yet evil can't be permanent, because it's unlike God, the eternal Creator. We may wrestle for a time, but the faults ultimately have to go. What a release when we find we don't even think to list them anymore!

Because Truth is infinite, error should be known as nothing. Because Truth is omnipotent in goodness, error, Truth's opposite, has no might. Evil is but the counterpoise of nothingness. The greatest wrong is but a supposititious opposite of the highest right. The confidence inspired by Science lies in the fact that Truth is real and error is unreal. Error is a coward before Truth. Divine Science insists that time will prove all this. Both truth and error have come nearer than ever before to the apprehension of mortals, and truth will become still clearer as error is self-destroyed.

--Science and Health

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At a crossroads

Hope you had a great weekend.... mine was transformative.

I've found that visiting New York City never leaves me where it found me, and this trip was no exception. I have a lot to think about. What I wanted to share in here was the amazing experience of attending a storytelling workshop at my daughter's college as part of Parent's Weekend.

The instructor led us down a discussion of discovery, and as we talked, she kept expressing her amazement that each of these workshops is different than the others. She's been giving this workshop for years, yet they never cease to surprise her. We were the same in that we were different yet again.

After an opening discussion, she had us pair up with someone in the group we didn't know, and then listen to a story about their childhood for ten minutes each. Then, we got quiet and wrote our own version of the story we'd just heard. (The two stories from my pairing are below.)

What my partner picked up on is that once again, I find myself at a crossroads in my life. Anything could happen. I'm picking my way through the days one at a time, and the road is ever widening. It's both unnerving and exhilarating.

And it's times like these where trust becomes the most operative spiritual quality. Just trusting that today's guidance will lead to tomorrow's goals, even when I don't know what the goals are. Divine Mind has a plan, and everpresent Love is caring for me and mine throughout.

My love of stories has been rekindled through this weekend. Transformative stories, meaningful stories, moments of significance perhaps unrecognized at the time but indicative of direction or character. And, as this workshop showed, we all have these stories embedded in our lives. To me, they are the stories of spirituality revealing itself to us.

When I say to you, "Tell me a story about your childhood," what's the first thing that pops into your head? And then ask yourself, why that story? Why does it still have meaning for you today, especially today? Let your child self teach your grownup self today.

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The Spirit of Freedom

by Ellen Heston, inspired by a story told by me.

What does it mean to be free? What gives us that lump in our throat when we hear the strains of the Star Spangled Banner? Or the tune of Born Free goes through our minds and we find tears rolling down our cheeks...

Laura knew this feeling as a 10 year old riding her bike down a long hill in a small mid-western town in Illinois. Her world was small at that time, with few friends, but she knew the joy of nature, sunlight on trees, and the budding feelings of independence. This joy has carried her through her learning experiences, motherhood, marriage and many friendships and childhood. The spark of that bicycle goes on in "joy of life" to this day. She is at a crossroads now and the possibility of what is ahead is unlimited! Go Laura! Go with your spirit of freedom.

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Ghost of a Muse

Inspired by a story told by Ellen Heston.

Kathy and I were condemned to stay after school one day, the harshest punishment Sister Mary Augustine could devise.

Catholic school is tough at the best of times. For two high spirited girls in the '40s, it was torture. We could never say the right things to win the approval of the cloistered nuns -- the very twinkle in our eyes gave us away. So we stuck together through thick and thin, sure there was more to us than the doctrinal platform would admit.

Kathy was convinced we were headed to greatness, she as an artist and me as a writer. She found inspiration everywhere, in nature, books, art, conversation. My scribblings would try to capture it all. Kathy would praise my work, declaring, "Our muses were speaking clearly today."

So that Wednesday of after school purgatory, we arrived in English class as normal, disapproval awaiting us no matter what we did. Sister Mary Augustine lectured, and then asked a question.

"Miss Black. Please answer."

My mouth opened and words came out. Sister's face transformed to astonished reverence and awe.

"Miss Black!" she gasped. "That's correct! The Holy Ghost has come on you today!"

Then Kathy said that which landed us in jail.

"No," she declared. "It was the muse."

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On my travels

New York City. There's no place like it.

I'm down here visiting clients and for Parent's Weekend at my daughter's college. And I'm stunned once again at how intense this city is. The impressions are swirling as I travel to my first appointment: long subway escalators with focused people, everyone in their own worlds, shifting to glorious Vivaldi at a subway platform from a student string quartet, shifting to lines of the devout outside of synagogues for Yom Kippur, shifting to the chilling realization that even 12-year-olds are being wanded by security people before they can enter the temple.

Last night I joined some friends at The NYCS Group, which meets every week to discuss spiritual ideas. The discussion was lively, with everyone bringing what was on their minds. Afterward, at dinner, the perennial question came up: If this material existence is not real, if spiritual reality is all there is, why are we here in the first place?

The "why are we here" question is one that every spiritual seeker has to find peace with on their journey. I've never met a seeker who hasn't asked this question, and once the question comes up, it has to be answered or the questions just keep mounting.

Fortunately for me, my Christian Science teacher gave me an answer early in my journey that brought me peace. So I thought I'd offer it today. It may not be the answer for everyone, but it helped me a great deal. He said this:

You're dreaming you're riding a horse. It's a sunlit day, and you're riding through fields of grain with a fresh wind in your face.

You wake up.

Who owns the horse?

The jolt of that conundrum was enough to shake me out of needing an explanation of something that in truth has no cause. Once you wake up, it's no longer relevant who owns the horse. It doesn't matter. And this simple story made me realize that once we wake up from this mortal seeming, and are looking back at this as a dream, it will no longer matter why we were here. We will know simply that we were asleep, and had to wake up. Once we're awake, we'll only know ourselves as awake.

It reminds me of the biblical story where the disciples ask Jesus who sinned, the parents or the man, that the man was born blind? And Jesus says, Neither one, this is for the glory of God. And he heals the man. In effect, to me he's saying, Don't look for cause in material existence, but do everything for the glory of God.

My journey now, in all this swirl of activity both in New York and at home, is not about figuring out this mortal existence, but about waking up.

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Day of Atonement

Today as you may know is the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I have many friends who are devoting their day to this sacrament, and for the first time I can remember, even my own spiritual discipline includes studying a Bible Lesson called "Doctrine of Atonement." This lesson comes up twice a year, and I don't remember it ever coinciding with Yom Kippur this way, although it may have happened and I just didn't notice.

Anyway, I really respect the Jewish view of atonement as not only including sorrow for wrongdoing but also doing your best to make amends to those you've injured. For a brief piece on the day, check out Rabbi David Aaron's column on beliefnet. So today, I 'd like to share something I'm sorry about, and send up a prayer for forgiveness.

My spiritual journey has taken me down a rugged road. The most progress took place right after I did the stupidest things, meaning I've learned more from my mistakes than anything else. Then there were the other times, when things were going well and I felt on top of the world. And I have to state it here: in those times, I have a tendency to look about me and be judgmental.

I'm not sure what brings this on, whether it's a touch of self-satisfaction, or piety, or the "thank goodness I'm not like those people" syndrome. Jesus of course talked about this in his story about the publican and the Pharisee. I think I've swung between being one or the other all too frequently.

One time in particular, I was partnered with someone at my church on a project, and in the course of our work together, I found out some personal things about his lifestyle. He made no secret about it, although it wasn't generally known at church. To me, his behavior was not in line with what I thought was expected of us at church. One day he asked me to cover for him in our church duties so he could make time for this other activity that I thought was inappropriate. And I'm afraid I went ahead and told him how uncomfortable this was making me.

It was a complicated and hair-raising conversation. He felt attacked, I felt appalled. There was not a lot of Christian love there. We subsequently ceased working together, and he eventually left the church.

I sat around feeling right about this for many years, but now, I'm frankly ashamed and wish I could make it right. Sometimes I apply the, "Father, forgive them" prayer to myself: "Father, forgive me, for I didn't know what I was doing."

So what I'd like to say to the gentleman I worked with at my church all those years ago is, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to attack you, to impose my values on you, and to make you feel unwanted at church. Church should be about love and support, and I withheld those from you that day. Whatever you need to learn is between you and God, and is none of my business, and I'm sorry I interfered on your path. I hope all blessings are showering on you today, and that you are finding success and happiness in whatever form you find most meaningful. And if we ever meet again, I will do my best to make it be as friends."

Atonement in Christian Science is often spoken of as at-one-ment, meaning becoming one with God. This week's Bible Lesson has this passage: "Atonement is the exemplification of man's unity with God, whereby man reflects divine Truth, Life, and Love" (Science and Health).

Human admission of wrong deeds and the atonement for them exemplifies our at-one-ment with the Divine, as we leave behind the false and embrace the true. It brings us that much closer to full understanding.

But it's not easy, is it?

Have a blessed day today.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

--Psalms 51

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A special birthday

My son was just looney tunes last night.

You know how sometimes that youthful energy can't help but burst out? Last night, he was in some kind of zone! After crashing for a couple hours after school, he bounced up off the couch and just was going a mile a minute. Joking, demonstrating his skateboarding skills (with a little finger skateboard), teasing me, telling me about his life… He had me laughing out loud throughout, and we even hugged a time or two.

He said he was jazzed because tomorrow (today) is his birthday. He's 14 today.

In the midst of all the hilarity, a lot of my smiles came from appreciating him and being sooooo grateful he's in my life. When I think of the circumstances way back when, being on my own and scared and having to make the biggest decision of my life, I can't begin to imagine what life would have been like if I'd taken another road.

I was single at the time, and the prospect of having a baby all alone terrified me. I didn't ever consider not having him, but I did think a time or two about whether giving him up for adoption would be the best thing for him. When I took that question to God, though, the answer always came that things would be all right. And they have been, albeit often hard.

The hardest moments, the scariest times, these are the times that have pushed me spiritually and brought me to a new space. Without them, I think I'd stay complacent in my comfort zone, never exploring the boundaries of my own limited outlook. Eventually, I got enough of a taste of how spirituality feels that I now pursue it regularly myself, yet there are still the testing times that push me higher. Being grateful during the test is sometimes a stretch for me! But at least my confidence is growing that the test can only lead to deeper understanding.

So, on the one hand, having my son changed me. On the other hand, what it really did was show me more of who I really am. My fear stemmed from not grasping the truth about the being God created; when I began to understand that better, I could do what needed to be done with God's guidance. There's not a lot I'm afraid of now—my trust in God's grace through seeing demonstrations of His mercy has grown enough to keep me for the most part confident and strong.

I'll be waking my son up in a few minutes with a cheery "Happy Birthday!" He'll probably bounce around a bit before heading out the door for school. And I'll just smile about him all day today, as the embodiment of the lessons I've learned.

CHILDREN. The spiritual thoughts and representatives of Life, Truth, and Love.

--Science and Health

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Everything's fair

What meaning of the word "fair" did you think of first when you read the title of this entry? "Fair" as in equitable, or "fair" as in beautiful?

This word came up for me in prayer the other day. I was trying to jump start some inspiration, so thought I would spend some time contemplating the names for God given in Science and Health. I didn't get beyond the first one, Principle, because the word "fair" popped right into my head.

The immediate connection fairness has with Principle is to be equitable, since Principle indicates God's law and is universal. But then I remembered a phrase from a hymn, "…the form divinely fair," talking about man being created as God's own child. This usage is more along the lines of being pleasing to behold.

You know how I like to combine concepts to expand my understanding of the infinite. Here were two concepts built right into the same word. Intrigued, I spent some time blending the two in my prayer, at first bouncing back and forth until I could conceptualize them as being one. Some words I wrote down:

• righteous, beautiful, even, balanced, symmetrical, enfranchised, deserved, clean, clear, gracious, welcoming, accepting, non-exclusive, harmonious, established, self-enforcing, confident, whole, bright, cheerful, gleaming, radiant, perfect, constant, consistent, unchangeable, true, faithful.

I thought of sentences like, "It was a fair gift," fair to all parties and fair to behold.

And then I realized, being fair *is* being fair, if you know what I mean. As with all attributes of God, you can't have one without the other. God is one.

What can we do with that idea? I took it straight to spiritual treatment, acknowledging all that is fair and protesting against that which appears unfair. I did my best to see that any inharmony is inherently unfair because not of God. Harmony is fair, in both meanings. It belongs to all equally and is beautiful beyond measure.

So, everything's fair. What a caring, loving, intelligent God that created such a reality! And we benefit from it as we align ourselves with it.

Immortal Mind feeds the body with supernal freshness and fairness, supplying it with beautiful images of thought and destroying the woes of sense which each day brings to a nearer tomb.

--Science and Health

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A prayer for Asia's children

Today it's about the children for me. And about the mourning parents. I want to scoop them all up in the embrace of Love, those still here, those gone on, everyone.

You know how when a child is born, they just have complete trust? They know that all they have to do is cry out, and their needs will be met. They expect someone to be there watching over them, reading their needs and supplying them.

I remember gazing at the newborn faces of my little ones, and vowing never to betray that trust. I wanted to preserve it long enough so that as they grew, they could learn to transfer that trust from me personally to their divine Creator. And then they would always feel secure, always know that Someone was watching over them.

This time, the earth itself betrayed the children of Asia and their parents. Something we so totally take for granted—the ground beneath our feet—didn't behave as expected. The picture of mortality is grim. Yet there is still room for trust.

Trust in the idea that Life is Spirit, that nothing good can be annihilated because it is eternal, that Love transcends mortal boundaries and unites us in the realm of Mind.

The God who maketh all things new is hearing the cries of the small ones, and meeting their needs right now for Love, tenderness, comfort, peace. God is the most attentive Parent, and in truth, we have never been far from His gaze.

Take a few moments today to picture with me the dear children, safe in the arms of Love. And send that comforting thought to their parents, embracing all in the Creator's care.

God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.

--Revelations

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No eclipse of the light

One of the comments on yesterday's post struck me as important to share:

I have really been getting the idea that there is no eclipse of this light, and because, for each one of us, God is our complete source, no-one else can eclipse us or take anything from us or add anything to us.

No eclipse. What a fantastic metaphor. The light shines, and nothing blocks it. No one's light interferes with anyone's else's—in a spiritual sense, if it did, it wouldn't really be light. It would be an attempt to darken.

I wonder then in a spiritual sense, if we're capable of magnifying the light by appreciating each other's. Perhaps we can't increase the light itself—it is already infinite Love and Truth and Mind—but in this present plane our sense of it can be magnified when we see it in others and celebrate it.

And this to me implies therefore that to obscure someone else's light is indeed an offense against the Divine. I suppose I've done this too frequently myself—sniffed at someone else's accomplishments, evaluated a little too critically someone else's performance, thought to myself, "They're interesting, but I could never be friends with them." Why am I shutting myself off from their light?

It takes a wider love to embrace fully everyone we meet, and look with anticipation for the light that is shining through that person. It's got to be there. We just walk around with sunglasses on.

Mary Baker Eddy writes, "Walking in the light, we are accustomed to the light and require it; we cannot see in darkness. But eyes accustomed to darkness are pained by the light. When outgrowing the old, you should not fear to put on the new." (Science and Health)

Outgrowing the old might be putting aside our opinions or theories or prejudices. I'm afraid I cling to these a little too hard! It's almost unnerving to think about walking through the world with no parameters at all, seeing each interaction fresh, starting from scratch each time and not letting human history govern our light meters. But the blessing of the new idea, a vision that allows friendship and understanding to blossom between people of all stripes, has got to be worth it.

Well, I've strayed a bit from the "no eclipse" concept, but somehow it's all adding up to letting my own light shine and also embracing the spiritual duty of encouraging others' to shine as well. Haha, it's just striking me—that's the tagline for my editing business! "Make your ideas shine." Maybe I'm already doing it!

Enjoy your weekend of light!

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I saw the light

Yesterday was a good day—I saw the light.

Most of the time when I pray, I get a warm feeling of conviction, which is great. Sometimes, and not often enough, I get an overpowering new idea that comes almost unbidden and transforms my prayer into genuine communion.

Yesterday I'm praying away with love in my heart when the idea of light just flowed into me. Suddenly it was the only thing I could think about. Light as a symbol of spiritual inspiration and grace. Light touching all creation, *being* all creation. I thought of the light sparkling on the leaves, dancing on the water, warming each one of us and radiating throughout the universe.

The peace I felt as a receptor of this inspiration became substantial and all-encompassing. It was my only reality. And then I found it was 100% applicable to everything I was praying about, all the people and situations that have come to my attention for specific prayer. Light lifting the clouds of depression, light easing physical pain with joy, light pouring through and being reflected by all those in need. Light unifying us and inspiring us and comforting us. We bask in this light.

This time of dwelling with the light infused my day with inspiration. It's hard to be unhappy or discouraged when a gift like this has been given to you. Nothing makes any sense except, "All is well."

I'm sharing this today because I believe these moments are where transformation and healing take place. One significant new influx of truth can change us substantially and open our consciousness to healing not only for ourselves but for others. With that truth being so real to me, I can then embrace anyone else who has asked for it in that truth as well, and they can feel the benefits.

Frankly, I have no idea if this is making sense! :) I'm trying to articulate something that goes beyond words, so thanks for your patience with me today. It was powerful enough that I wanted to share it somehow.

May your day today be filled with light.

For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

--Ephesians

Truth and Love enlighten the understanding, in whose "light shall we see light;" and this illumination is reflected spiritually by all who walk in the light and turn away from a false material sense.

--Science and Health

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Take off the glasses

Porthos commented on my entry yesterday with something helpful, so I thought I'd share it with everyone directly:

My entry said: Note that there are two different "we"s in the prior sentence, the "we" that is human, and the "we" that is image and likeness of God. Only one is true. Only one is real. Healing happens when the real overmasters the false, and becomes the only reality there is.

He commented: I'd like to offer for your consideration a point about the above. As I understand it, it's not so much that there are two separate "we"s. To be human is not to be false or unreal. It is to seem to be a MIXTURE of the true and the false, the real and the unreal, matter and Spirit. So in every human "we" there is a real individual.

It's like wearing purple glasses. Everything may be tinged with purple but that doesn't make it unreal and false. It's just the purpleness that's false. Healing is the removal of some degree of error from our view when, as you say, the real becomes more apparent. Yet, as long as we're human, we're BOTH true and false -- but not unreal. Hope that is clear.

This is comforting to me – the human being writing this blog is not unreal, but needs redeeming and unmixing. So we're going to keep all that is good. This goes back to in a way the blog entries I wrote sometime back about tares and wheat, and about the separating the goats from the sheep. Nothing good is ever lost, but transformed and separated from its opposite, and the opposite is destroyed.

Of course, it doesn't help when purple is your favorite color (which it is mine). :) Meaning sometimes it feels better to hold on to that which has to go, just because we like it or have grown comfortable with it. Sometimes we've so attached it to our identity that we can't imagine who we'd be without it. But as one who's come out the other side of a forcible eviction of a serious fault, it turned out I stayed the great person I am but became even better.

Purpleness can be shed, as Porthos says, by changing your view. Take off the glasses, see more of your real self. It's there anyway, you may as well embrace it!

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Deserving healing

This story goes back a ways, all the way back to my college days.

I was a freshman, and living the life typical of the post-'70s, pre-AIDS era. In other words, at the time, I firmly believed in free love and that my body was mine to do with what I wanted.

But then I got the flu. I had a friend visiting who knew I had always relied on spiritual healing for my health and well being, so rather than just be miserable for a few days, I felt I had to prove to him that spiritual healing worked. So I called a Christian Science practitioner from the town where I grew up. She was great, I was healed, and all was well.

And I remember thinking, Huh. Even though I supposedly don't live by "the rules," I still was healed. I can't say that I learned anything mind-blowing from a spiritual point of view—I don't think I was ready for that. But my body responded to the treatment of the faithful practitioner, who of course knew nothing of my lifestyle and probably still thought of me as that nice little girl in Sunday School. Her purity of thought touched me and I was freed from the illness.

This left me with an indelible impression that God loves me no matter what, an impression that I believe helped me make the leap when my lifestyle caught up with me years later. Even though I thought He would be angry at me when I turned to Him, underneath I knew that God is Love. And it turned out He wasn't angry at all.

I believe there's nothing we can do humanly to "deserve" healing—healing comes to us *in spite* of our human failings. Healing comes because we are in truth spiritual beings and not this mortal personality at all. Healing is the breaking through of this truth, not a cooperation with mortality or an arbitrary suspension of mortal laws. Healing is the Christ made manifest in our lives.

We can't do anything to deserve that grace; we have it already as God's creation. Note that there are two different "we"s in the prior sentence—the "we" that is human, and the "we" that is image and likeness of God. Only one is true. Only one is real. Healing happens when the real overmasters the false, and becomes the only reality there is.

I'm grateful for that bout with the flu so many years ago and what I learned from it. Today I'm going to reach for healing again. "I" don't deserve it; but "I" already have it.

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